


What An Idea

by JustBFree5



Category: Alice in Wonderland (2010)
Genre: Dark Thoughts, Desperation, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Male-Female Friendship, Memories, Original Character(s), Secrets, tragic past
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-11
Updated: 2016-01-01
Packaged: 2018-03-01 01:46:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 84,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2755007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustBFree5/pseuds/JustBFree5
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which the Hatter convinces Alice to stay on in Underland for a time, and all that occurs before her eventual return to her own drab, colorless world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It was over.

The Hatter walked slightly ahead of her, and slightly erratic, which was normal for him. Or, as normal as would be for him; he had so many strange ways. Alice didn't mind, he was her friend and she had become accustomed to his gentle madness.

Through their time together in the adventure that was Underland, the Hatter had been chaotically protective of her, but what need of his protection did Alice have now that the battle was won and they were safe? And they _were_ safe, weren't they? He seemed to think so, tramping about the Red palace as he was.

Alice followed him in his search for the perfect place where they might take their evening meal, alone. In the time since the battle, they had spent most of their time apart; the White Queen had ordered a contingent of soldiers to go to the Red castle and free those still imprisoned by her sister. The Hatter had insisted on returning there, and Alice had gone along with him on the assumption that she would stay in his company, but there turned out to be so many things that had needed doing.

Feeling the urge to help, Alice had taken to assisting those who had been injured on the cruel whim of Iracebeth. So it went, while the Hatter had been confined with historians, giving his skewed vision of events to the royal scribes, Alice had learned a few of Lady Mirana's healing arts and had come to find herself greatly fulfilled in helping those who had been in need of a kind hand.

But they had been apart for too long, or so the Hatter had asserted to her earlier that day. He had barged into the library (a cavern bare of books per the Red Queen's lack of interest in any genuine exercise of her bulbous brain) that had served as a healing ward for the tortured victims of Iracebeth, and, with his typical flourish, coaxed her out to the garden for a picnic.

"Come, come, Alice. The garden awaits us, and I've packed your favorite!"

The White army had stormed the palace of the defeated tyrant, reclaiming the stolen treasures and freeing the wrongly imprisoned. Lady Mirana, the right, White Queen, had decreed that the palace was to be razed to the ground and a memorial to her sister's victims be placed in its stead. A noble plan, Alice thought.

Her eyes wandering over the ruins of a toppled parapet, Alice was satisfied to see the Red Queen be erased from the land. Things would soon be as they were meant to be, that's what the White Queen had told her before Alice had followed the Hatter back to Salazen Grum.

It wasn't that Alice had any desire herself to go back there, but she'd suspected the Hatter of harboring an ulterior motive for following the White contingent back to the horrible place. As it turned out, Alice had been right.

She had followed him late the night before, curious about the real reason he'd chosen to return to his prison. The answer had been a frightening sight. Standing just outside the door of the room, Alice had watched as the Hatter whirled like a dervish with his sword in one hand and a mallet in the other, tearing apart the workshop and the hats he'd been forced to make for the Red Queen.

She'd seen him lose his temper before, but that night Alice had found that the Hatter's madness could become a dangerous thing. Still, she refused to look on him with an untrusting eye. He was her protector and friend.

Ahead of her, she could hear him muttering aloud to himself in his search for the perfect spot. "No, no, she deserves better- there it is too close to the vines…when we return to the White palace I shall make the queen a hat even grander than her crown…"

All around them in the garden, the red roses were burning amidst the rubble of monuments dedicated to her once-royal eminence. It was a sight of wreckage and ash, it was the end of a reign of terror and so every shattered stone and charred petal was welcome.

But Alice's appetite was getting the better of her, and she called out to him, "Hatter, will this spot do?" She was pointing to an ornate graystone table and two benches, impatiently hoping that he would accept it as a place for their picnic. She had skipped lunch and her stomach was roaring for a supper.

Several steps ahead of her, the Hatter turned around to see where she was indicating, and he gave her a withering look. "No. I'll not have you sitting on the precious stones she stole and carved into her likeness. The bloody big-head…"

Alice sighed lightly. He had been so eager to have her dine with him, practically dragging her out of the castle, and now he was unable to settle on a spot. She really shouldn't be surprised.

The man's wild eyes darted about, searching, searching for the one spot where they could most enjoy each other's company for a time. Then… _there_ it is! Excited, he stopped and jabbed his finger at a grassy knoll under a tree not far up the gravel path.

"Alice, here, this spot will do very well! And look, it's half in the shade and half in the sun, do you see, Alice?"

The girl nodded and followed him over to the grass; she was more concerned with the meal than where it would be eaten. "Yes, it's a very nice spot. But why did you want a picnic? We could have taken our meal in the palace, Hatter."

The Hatter frowned at her and shook his head, "No, no, I tire of the palace. It is still much too red. Everywhere you turn, there is the Red Queen staring down from a portrait or a tapestry, they cannot tear them down fast enough!" He then waved his arm to encompass the spot he'd chosen. "But here it is perfect. And here's a perfect riddle: what else is half in the shade and half in the sun?"

Her stomach growled quietly. "I really don't know."

Her companion set down the large picnic basket he'd packed for them. "Think on it, sleep on it if you must. It will come to you soon, and if it does not, I will be glad to tell you. But here, we must eat first." With great flourish, Hatter spread a brightly patterned quilt over the grass and then began to set out the meal.

Alice knelt down across from him and felt her mouth begin to water at the spread. It seemed the Hatter knew her tastes. Sandwiches, salad, tea and tiny cakes of all kind. _Mmm…_

Alice ate, but her mind was always wandering. If the Hatter noticed her distraction, he did not comment on it.

The vial of blood was in her pocket, always kept so close at hand. She had been ready to drink of it, to gulp the vile stuff down on the calming battlefield and leave this strange world behind forever…but the strange, singular suggestion of the Hatter had stayed her hand.

_"You could stay…"_

Alice sighed deeply, and moved to lay back on the blanket. She was content to reflect on the enormity of what had happened only two days ago; yes, she was content and sated with a feeling of peace. The sky swirled above her, shades of intermingled pink and the bright gold of sunset. Above her was a tree, so dead and barren just days before, its branches were covered in tiny green leaves and new buds. In another week it would be in full bloom.

With a new ruler, new life had been breathed into this world, the Underland.

Again Alice sighed lightly, taking the mingled scents of fresh grass and burning roses into her lungs. "I can't believe it's over. Wonderland is free of the Red Queen and her Knave, this whole world seems brighter now."

The Hatter looked on as she reclined back on the blanket, a serene smile drifting over her lips. Gone was her gleaming armor but she was in no way diminished. She had found her muchness, reclaimed it and wielded it, the most powerful weapon that anyone could ever possess. He admired her greatly, and thought that she might even make a grander queen than Lady Mirana.

_Alice, Alice._

A visitor to Underland from another world, a strange place where the flowers did not sing and the animals were kept as mere pets. _Imagine!_

The man set his hat aside and followed what she had just done, laying back on the blanket to look at the clouds swirling above them. The sky was brighter, the very air was sweeter. He closed his eyes for a moment, just once.

It was pleasant to be alone with Alice like this, simply laying beside her. Hatter was happy, happier than he had been in many long years. With the White Queen back on the throne, Underland would return to the natural way: wild and chaotic, yes, but never as frightening as it had been under the Red Queen and her vicious monsters.

Ideas of fun and freedom rapidly flitted through his mind and he gave in to the swell of happiness he felt inside, laughing with the joy of reclaimed hope. "Yes, yes, the land always blooms with a kind queen on the throne. Aren't you happy, Alice? The world is safe now. Oh, just think of the parties we'll be invited to, hailed as heroes."

Alice glanced at him, and just as quickly she turned away. "I am happy, it's just…"

Hatter sat up at her hesitance. "Yes? What's wrong?"

It could sometimes be difficult to speak with the creatures and people of this land, but she and the Hatter had always been able to understand each other. She suspected that his fondness for her was an incentive for him to concentrate through his madness.

Alice unconsciously laced her fingers together over her stomach. It was a strange thing to be laying back, only to have the colorful Hatter looking down at her. She did not sit up.

"I helped to do what needed to be done here, but I have to go back to my own world."

He struggled for a moment to organize his thoughts. "Your world. What is it like there?"

Alice scratched her temple. How could she explain her world to him? She felt that she might be forgetting it already. "It's…well, to start it's very formal, not like it is here. There is a lot expected of me. There are rules to be obeyed and customs to follow."

"Yes, and the only madmen are sick, kept locked away in asylums. I remember that you told me as much when you came here as a child. Do you like it there?" He asked.

It was a difficult question to answer. "I…I love my family, and they love me. Or, I believe they do."

Hatter ticked his head to the side, his curious nature getting the better of him. "What do you mean?"

Alice shook her head. "Oh, Hatter…it's just that, since I've grown up, things have been very different. My mother wants a life for me that I don't even know if I want for myself."

His smile faded for Alice's unhappy expression. "But you must have friends, yes? Friends who make you laugh and friends who play games with you, friends who give you presents on special days?"

Alice sat up and again avoided his eyes. "No, not exactly."

Hatter shook his head, quickly becoming upset. "But you're happy in your world, aren't you, Alice? Oh, please tell me that your world makes you happy, that you aren't sad or lonely or afraid."

"I'm not, Hatter. At least, not always."

Hatter reached across and took her hand into his, his grip tight in his upset. "Stay here, like I said. Don't go back. You would be so happy if you stayed."

Alice shook her head, "I can't do that, I don't belong here. I'm not like you."

Hatter tightened his grip on her hand, almost hurting her. "You can stay, you can. I'm mad enough for both of us. I'll clear a room for you in my house- I can make hats and you can tend to the garden."

Alice managed to pull her hand from him. "You don't understand- I have someone missing me."

Hatter ticked his head to the side once more. "Who misses you?"

Alice sighed lightly. "It's difficult to explain. I…his name is Hamish Ascot."

"You have a special friend?"

Alice felt hesitant to speak of this, but the Hatter would see his curiosity satisfied one way or another. "Yes. He asked me to marry him just before I came here. He's still in my world, waiting for my answer."

They were simple words, spoken plainly, but their impact hit him like a mallet. With this secret exposed, Alice was all at once Different. Hatter shifted his weight, anxious now. It was true that she had changed since her last adventure with him in Underland, but these changes were more profound than the size of her body and the style of her dress.

His eyes were fixed on her, seeing clearly that Alice was no longer the stubborn child she'd once been on their first meeting. Of course, to him she had always simply been _Alice_ , a visiting creature who stood alone in Underland. Gone was that amusing child from years ago; he'd been thrilled to recognize the same spirit in the body of a woman, much in the same way that he had observed Lady Mirana change from a girl to a woman during his years at court.

But the truth of a man from her world wanting her as his wife…Hatter wasn't sure if he knew how to see Alice in _that_ light.

"A man wants to marry you, Alice. That is no small thing. Does he make you happy or is he a part of your world that makes you feel alone? What do you intend to tell him?"

Alice turned her attention to the picnic meal set between them and she reached for a pinch of chocolate cake. "I don't want to talk about this anymore."

Hatter frowned. "I am mad, Alice, but that doesn't mean I can't understand things. If you stay here, you would be so happy- the danger's passed now. It's safe to have guests over for tea parties all the time, wouldn't that be grand?"

Alice nodded, but she was not convinced by the pretty picture he's drawn for their lives, should she decide to stay. "Yes, that would be a nice life. But I have a responsibility to return to my own world."

Her words had a peculiar effect on him: he felt the air rush from his lungs, deflating his hope like a spent balloon. "I wish you would change your mind, Alice. When you leave here I will miss you all over again, even more than your man Hamish."

Alice was swirling her finger in her empty teacup. He wished she would meet his eyes. "Hatter…"

He tried to make another point to her, "Think of my house, how nice it will be once you have a room to yourself. You can make it up in any way you choose, and there will be as many dresses for you as there will be flowers in our garden."

At that, Alice looked up and laughed, "Oh good Lord, you're trying to bribe me into staying!"

He reached forward and took her hand into both of his. His grip was gentler this time. Another approach was needed. What did she call it? Polite logic, yes. "You will have to stay somewhere while you are here, so I insist that you stay with me until the time comes when you decide to return to the Otherworld."

Alice knew she had been won over, and so did he, for she hesitated one moment too long on her refusal. Stay in Wonderland for a time? The chance to learn more about this strange world, to experience and explore it with the friends she'd made- well, wouldn't it have been mad to reject such wild opportunity? Her father would have boxed her ears if she'd refused...and what would be the harm in a few more days, really?

She met the Hatter's eyes and knew she'd been bested by a master. He knew it too, for his smile. "Oh, all right. I'll stay for a while longer, but you have to know that I can't stay forever." She raised her brows for the last, "And I'll stay with you at your house if you like, but no funny business."

The Hatter adopted a stricken expression, as if the notion apalled his pride. He took her hand and squeezed it in reassurance. "My dear, I will be the very spirit of stoic English reserve."

And thus the Hatter convinced Alice to stay on in Underland.


	2. Chapter 2

Alice pulled the covers up to her chin, but then, sneering at the pattern, she just as quickly threw the blanket on the floor beside the bed. There would be no sleep that night, she was sure of it. Being in the Red castle was beginning to grate on her nerves, and being surrounded by the garishly bright patterns of red and black hearts was taking a toll. But they would not be surrounded by bad memories for much longer. In the morning, she had the Hatter would depart for the White castle at Marmoreal. That was a very pleasant thought.

To explore the Underland with her friend, the chance to meet new ones along the way - it was what she had wanted for so long, though she'd only realized that truth after being cajoled by the Hatter himself, his argument for her staying in Underland making perfect sense.

But he had adopted strange ways since they'd left the Red garden. After his promise to behave once she came to stay in his house, his entire persona had changed to one of aloofness. Alice smiled to herself, thinking his portrayal of "English reserve" must be exhausting for him. Perhaps she would release him of his promise, but she wondered how long he could keep the game up.

Alice looked to her satchel bag, resting just beside the bed.

The vial of freedom was kept close at hand, though she felt no immediate compulsion to return. She felt that she would go back to her world when the time was right - and only she would know when that was. Perhaps when her curiosity was satisfied, or when she began to miss her mother. But as it was, Alice found herself content to stay on for awhile.

The Hatter had convinced her to stay. Where she might have sipped the blood on the battlefield, it was the pleading eyes of the Hatter that had kept her in his world. And now she had agreed on staying with him, at his house, wherever that was.

Alice thought on the Hatter. He seemed the only soul in Underland that was moved by her - the others had thought of her as a nuisance before she'd found her muchness, and after the battle they were ready to bid her "fairfarren". Alice was able to understand. After the fall of the Jabberwocky and the Red Queen, there was a whole world to rebuild. The Hatter simply wished to rebuild his corner of it with Alice at his side.

But it would be a long day tomorrow. Alice fluffed her pillow and closed her eyes, allowing a light sleep to envelope her mind, her last thoughts swimming with visions of the White Palace.

____________________

Those imprisoned by the Red Queen had been made ready to make the voyage to Marmoreal, where Lady Mirana awaited them. It was her intent to heal all who had suffered under her sister; she might have even healed the Knave, had he not enjoyed cruelty so.

The convoy was assembled by midday and set forth from the Red palace. From a high path leading through a forest miles ahead of the castle, Alice was just able to make out the slow-moving troupe comprised of White soldiers. She and the Hatter were not following along the same path as the knights escorting the freed prisoners, as her mad companion claimed to know a better way, and she felt no want to argue with him.

It was his world, she was just following him through it.

If the Hatter was to be believed, then they would reach Marmoreal in a day's time, while the soldiers would take perhaps twice as long to reach the castle. Alice smiled to herself, thinking that the Hatter was a very clever man - they were already so much farther ahead of the group.

He had moved a bit ahead of her when the path had risen into a hill; he wanted to scout the forest ahead in case they came across any cantankerous animals - he wouldn't see Alice suffer another scratch.

_No Bandersnatch, no thorn branches. She'll be safe and even safer when we make it to Marmoreal and Hightopp manor-_

"Hatter," Alice's voice broke into his carefully organized thoughts. "What do you think will happen once we get to the White palace?"

Truly, she wasn't terribly concerned, the girl was only wanting a bit of conversation, which the Hatter could forever supply.

The man glanced at her and then held out his hand for hers, pulling her up the hill they'd been tramping over. He was glad to be traveling with a companion. He much preferred Alice's company to the Hare's. And the poor March Hare, he was simply mad - madder than a hatter, even. But Alice had asked him a question.

He concentrated, willing his mind to move slowly, placing one thought in front of the other. Alice had asked him so nicely to play at being sane and he did not wish to disappoint her - she might leave again and he didn't want that, so, on with this effort at containing his madness.

"I think…you will be welcomed as a great heroine. I know Lady Mirana quite well - I knew her when she was a girl, just like you were last time. She'll have a great welcome for you and gifts, I imagine."

Happily, his mind filled with a vision of a grand party held in her honor. There would be flowers in every cup of tea, great cakes and chocolate ganache to eat…and at the center of everything, there would be Alice. Alice in a gown of silvered blue, Alice with a smile and maybe even a dance saved for him if he was…

"And you?"

Again, her voice had startled him out of his thoughts. "Hmm? Me?"

She was walking beside him easily now that the path had leveled out once more. Her eyes held his. "You'll be a hero too. Maybe the queen will give you back your title."

_Hmm…_

"To be the Royal Hatter once again…yes, I would like that very much. It has been so long since I've worked at the trade."

Alice remembered the hats he'd made in the Red palace. They had been so wonderful, all so unique and made with such care. The man was gifted with a true talent, and Alice could only guess at the beauty he would craft for the queen he loved. "I think I'd like to see you work."

The Hatter slowed his walk and cast his eyes upward, observing the clouds above.

She frowned when he went silent to study the sky; to her it seemed to be getting dark very quickly. "How far is it to the White palace?"

"It does not take longer than a day by foot, but a storm is coming. We'll need to take a room. There's an inn in the village that you might find agreeable." He said stiffly.

"You're acting differently."

Hatter shook his head and tried to ignore the growing tension between his temples. All this pretended sanity was giving him a slight headache. "Only as you asked me to in the Red garden. You won't stay if I misbehave."

Alice raised her brows. "That's not what I meant!"

"Then what-? Oh, look, there it is." Hatter stopped and pointed farther down the trail, where their narrow footpath joined to a larger, well-traveled road leading toward a run-down village. Perhaps village was too kind a word; where the Hatter saw a village, Alice saw a scattering of shacks. The forest seemed to open up for them as they neared the closest building. It was a plain structure, and like so many other buildings she had seen in Underland besides the two palaces, this place was dormant, tired and nearly falling into ruin; in a flash, it reminded her of the wilted windmill that had overlooked the tea party where she had been reunited with the Hare, the Hatter and the mouse.

Everything the Red Queen touched seemed to fall apart.

The Hatter lead her forward. "It's not what you think. That Bloody Big-Head didn't do this."

"Did you just read my mind?"

He raised a brow at her and smiled. "No, but if I did, would I like what I found?"

Alice returned his smile but did not answer.

The crooked sign above the front door entry read, 'McCall's Inn - Keep Out!'

The storm was picking up speed; already Alice's hair was as wild as the Hatter's thanks to the swirling wind.

The Hatter paid the warning no mind as he stepped inside to reveal a beautiful interior, pure luxury from the floor to the ceiling. Where the building appeared to be shabby, and small for an inn, it was revealed to her eyes as an even grander space than any of the hotels in London. Plush burgundy carpet stretched out before them, as the cream walls were peppered with lovely pictures held in fine gold frames. A large marble staircase was at the center, leading up to the next floor of what was no longer an inn, but a grand hotel for the rich. Alice halfway expected to see the queen of England descend the stairs to greet them.

_Only in Underland_ , Alice thought.

A raccoon stepped to them and spoke to the Hatter in a language she did not understand. "Two for the evening, eh?"

Hatter nodded and gestured to Alice, "Yes, and a meal for the lady, please."

She frowned at the exchange. Why had the Hatter made the switch to the strange tongue? Perhaps now that she'd agreed to stay with him, he would teach her the words of his people.

The raccoon nodded and handed the Hatter a ring with a large key on it. "Right you are, sir. It'll be the top suite for you two."

Hatter took her hand and lead her up the winding stairs to the landing that held the room they were to share. It occurred to Alice then that she would be spending the night with this strange creature, the Hatter. He who had risked his life so that she might save his, and all that meant anything to him.

She could hear her mother's voice in her head, hissing that she had to be out of her mind to be sharing a room with a man. Alice was able to quiet those objections easily enough. She wasn't in London, tramping about with a secret lover. She was in Underland, exhausted after hiking through the forest with her friend for the better part of the day. And he was her friend, she trusted him with her life. To object to sharing a room with him after all they had shared would be true madness.

The Hatter opened the door and allowed Alice into the room first. "Is it to your liking?"

Alice set down her satchel and looked about the room. It was very nice, with an overly large bed and a very inviting chair in the corner. Interestingly, there were five doors placed along the far wall, but where they lead, Alice had no idea. She assumed one might be a closet, and another would open up to a washroom- but what of the other three?

He followed her into the room and shut the door. Alice smiled at him. "Yes, it's very nice. Hatter, what was all that you were speaking to the raccoon downstairs?"

The window revealed the gathering storm outside, the trees of the forest were already waving in the strong winds. It wouldn't be long until the rain came slamming down atop them.

Hatter smiled, always happy to share a secret with her. " _Outlandish_. This inn was a haven for those loyal to Lady Mirana. It's where I first began the resistance."

"That does explain the sign out front." Alice yawned suddenly, and blushed. "Oh, pardon. I'm more tired than I thought."

He furrowed his brow in concern. He couldn't allow her to want for anything. "Then you must rest. Take the bed, Alice. I'll see about your meal."

Alice tried to protest, but before she could say another word the Hatter had slipped back out of the room once again. She frowned to herself, realizing that he was still trying to play a part for her benefit. Ever since their time together in the Red garden, he had been walking on eggshells around her. He couldn't possibly think she wanted him to act differently- that hadn't been what she'd meant at all!

She set her bag on the bed and pulled out a simple robe to wear for the night. Placing the satchel on the floor, Alice made quick work of slipping off her day clothing and binding the robe around her thin frame. Again, her mother's voice intruded her thoughts, scolding her for the impropriety she was about to engage in, sharing a room overnight with the man.

Alice shrugged to herself, thinking it didn't matter one wit, for she doubted if the Hatter could even think of her in such a way.

____________________

When the Hatter returned to the room, he found Alice asleep in the bed, her small frame nearly swallowed up in the large pillows and fluffed blankets. He set the tray on the low table and moved closer to the bed. Though they were companions, there were things he did not know of Alice. What she looked like when she slept, for instance. He stood over her, simply looking. She was peaceful like this, calm. There were dark circles under her eyes that he hoped would be gone by morning. He wanted her bright and happy, he wanted her _muchier._

But this wouldn't do.

Hatter blinked, regaining his own attention, and moved to the large chair in the corner. _Yes, this is better._

He could sleep and remain in a position to protect Alice should the need arise. And he hoped that there would be no cause for more violence. No more fighting, no more fear. He set his hat on his lap and leaned back into the cushions, feeling the weight of his own exhaustion now.

He was ready for good things to come under the reign of Queen Mirana; he was ready to work at his trade once again, to eat sweet chocolates and most importantly, to lead Alice through Underland. But those things would not come until they crossed the land and made it to the fair palace. There he would find the peace he'd been fighting for for so long.

With that thought drifting through his shattered mind, the Hatter leaned back and willed himself into abandon.

____________________

The sky went black, the sun hidden by great leathery wings. A deafening roar thundered in his ears, rattling through his body. The heat, the lightning, the claws and snapping fangs. All around him were the screams of familiar voices.

"What is that?!"

"Run, run, it's coming!"

"Tarrant, help her! Save her!"

From a place outside of the vision of fire and death, he could feel a pair of small hands gripping his shoulders and a voice of light piercing through his dream. "Hatter, wake up. Hatter?"

His large eyes snapped open to meet hers, taking in the gentle face before him. The room was very dark, due both to the late hour and the storm raging just outside the inn. He could hear the rain pelting against the windows. But the pale face before him was scrawled with an expression of worry.

At once, his present situation returned to him. _Ah, yes. Alice. No funny business, Tarrant._

"I'm fine."

Her hands were still on his shoulders. "Are you?"

Hatter frowned and stood up from the chair, moving away from her. But where would he go? It was past the inn's wandering hours. So, he simply stood in the center of the room, facing away from _her._

This was embarrassing. The dreams and the fury, they should have been gone now that the Frabjous Day had passed. Why was this still happening? He was meant to be different.

Hatter recalled what she'd asked of him in the Red garden- Alice would only stay so long as he didn't behave in his usual mad ways. It was becoming difficult to keep on with this charade, but he had to go on to keep her.

He cleared his throat, fixing his voice to a reassuring tone. There was no need to upset the girl, she deserved better than that; best put her mind at ease. "Never better, Alice. But you should be resting, it is still a long walk to the castle."

She frowned at him. Only a moment ago she had been awoken by his night terror. Why was he playing at being cavalier? She put her hand out to turn him around so that he was facing her again. "I think you might need it more than me. Why don't you lay down?"

He adopted a wide smile that he did not feel. _I can't let her see…_

"You silly thing, I'm perfectly comfortable in the chair."

Alice shook her head at him, and made him an offer before she could think better of it. "Somehow I doubt that. Here, just lay down next to me for a time. You'll sleep easier and there won't be any more nightmares."

Hatter hesitated before answering her. "It wasn't a nightmare, it was just a memory. Sharing a bed, Alice, that is highly improper."

Alice smiled at his use of the word. He sounded so perfectly uptight, so modest and so very much the spirit of English reserve! His performance was commendable. "Very funny. Just lay down and try to sleep, Hatter. We could both use the rest."

He seemed to be considering her offer, though Alice didn't know why he would hesitate. In her world, she would have never dreamed to suggest such a thing as sharing a bed with a man, but she was more than a mile from her own world and the Hatter wasn't...well, he was a man, she supposed, but he was no threat to her. Not like the Knave, who had made his feelings for her frighteningly clear. She shuddering just on recalling how the man had pushed her against the corridor wall of the Red palace. No, the Hatter was nothing like him.

Without a word, the Hatter seemed to make up his mind. He moved forward, climbing onto the large bed to lay down beside her, much in the same way that he'd lain beside her in the Red garden just the day before.

Secretly, Alice was glad that it was so dark in the room, for she didn't want him to see her blushing at the strange thought that she would much prefer sharing a bed with the Hatter than with Hamish.


	3. Chapter 3

The remainder of the journey to Marmoreal passed quickly, though for Alice the pleasantries of the hike- the beautiful landscape, the curious birds passing by overhead- were tainted by an unnerving tension that she did not know how to dispel.

Since leaving the inn, she and the Hatter had hardly spoken a word- leaving Alice with the feeling that she might have offended her friend with her forwardness in inviting him into bed with her the night before. Being that this world was so far from the strict boundaries of what she'd been raised to consider proper, Alice hadn't thought that sharing a few hours of sleep beside the man would result in any kind of consequence.

His screams had startled her from her own dreams, and so she'd invited him to lay down beside her with the hope that he would have an easier time sleeping; as a girl, her father had sometimes allowed her to sleep with her parents and she had always slept easier after a nightmare when she wasn't left alone.

That had been her intent with the Hatter. She'd hoped to see him as more himself that morning, but he was a stranger to her now.

Alice had awoken to find herself curled against him and, a touch embarrassed, had made a joke. The Hatter had smiled, but made quick work of readying himself for the journey to Lady Mirana. His eagerness to be out of the suite they'd shared had been clear. Once they'd gone out into the fresh air, traipsing through the mud and large puddles left over from the night's storm, any attempt at conversation had died away.

The Hatter's large eyes were fixed on the road ahead of them, and aside from muttering words in _Outlandish_ to himself, he had not spoken to her.

Alice didn't know what to make of it, she only knew that she felt…lonely for his company, despite that he had been with her all day. The man had been so quiet, so distant from her that she began to feel a large guilty weight settle over her for this offense she had caused him.

She only wished to have her friend back at her side.

_____________________________

All traces of the storm has passed by mid-afternoon, leaving Underland bathed in buttery warm sunlight, the flora blooming around them. Alice smiled to see such a change come over the land; it appeared to her eyes that the influence of Mirana's united strength and kindness was reaching out from the castle, spreading to overcome the pestilence caused by her sister's tyranny.

The path Hatter was leading her through began to rise as the forest cleared, revealing that they had made it to the palace. The structure, at once so delicate and fierce, rose above them into the clouds as they made their approach.

"We made it!"

The Hatter snapped back to look at her, and for a moment he appeared entirely surprised to see her standing there beside him. He blinked rapidly and took a deep breath before answering her. "Yes, I believe that Lady Mirana will be most pleased to see you once again."

He then moved forward, heading for the entry courtyard. Alice felt her smile slide away at his aloof response to her. Had he truly forgotten that she'd been walking at his side for the first half of the day?

She shook her head as she watched him in his tense approach the castle, and tried to rationalize his behavior. Perhaps the Hatter was simply tired from all the walking- he'd been walking ahead of her for hours, but now that Alice had had a clear look at him, she realized how drained the man appeared.

She hoped that once the Hatter rested, he would be the friend she remembered once again.

______________________________

The gleaming marble stretched out before them in a sea of pearly white, making a simple pair of footsteps echo all throughout the palace. Hatter was in the lead once again, his destination being Mirana's throne room.

Alice glanced at him, hoping to see a smile, but his focus was fixed on the large double-doors ahead of them. The girl blinked and looked at him once more- something was clearly wrong with the Hatter, he looked awful, nearly as rumpled as the Hare!

She stopped, dumbfounded at what could be wrong with him.

The White Knights guarding the throne room recognized them as they approached, and opened the doors for the pair, allowing them to stride inside to meet with Lady Mirana. There she was, the beautiful and odd rightful regent of all Underland.

Her silvered gown glinted as she moved off her throne to meet them; she was queen, but she was not like her sister, so full of cruel pride that she would expect to be groveled to by all her subjects.

Mirana opened her arms and took the Hatter into an embrace, and hesitated only a moment before kissing his stark white cheek. She released the man and then moved to Alice, stroking the girl's face with a loving hand.

Tears of happiness stung at her eyes to see them once more. "My Champion, my Hatter, the heroes of Underland. I am so thankful that you've made a safe journey here from Salazen Grum." She opened her arms to encompass the throne room, the palace. "You are forever welcome here as friends to all."

The Hatter seemed to sway on his feet for a moment, and Alice raised a brow, surprised to see that he was sweating and his face had taken on a gaunt appearance, his complexion fading to an ashen gray. When he spoke, he sounded almost out of breath. "Thank you, Your Grace. It is our honor to return to this hallowed ground of peace."

Mirana furrowed her brow at him. "Tarrant…you are speaking in a strange way."

He nodded, forcing polite words through a clenched jaw. "Yes. I've adopted this cadence to please Alice, my Lady."

The queen cocked her head to the side, obviously unclear on what had transpired between them to lead him to such a state. "I see… well, the spinner has fresh clothing for you and your friends are awaiting you in the courtyard."

The Hatter bowed to his queen and then turned to Alice, gracing her with a small, painful smile. "May I see you tonight?"

His words were weak - Alice had to wonder if her friend was coming down with a sickness. She took his hand and squeezed it. "Yes, Hatter, of course."

The man then bowed to her and strode from the throne room, practically running from her. Both Alice and Mirana watched as he made his quick exit toward the courtyard to reunite with his troupe.

Mirana shook her head. "Poor madman. Alice, I have placed attendants in your room."

Alice bowed to the queen, though her focus was still with the Hatter. "Thank you, your majesty."

Mirana clasped her hands over Alice's. "No, it is I who must thank you for all you've done. You were not champion for a day, but for all time." She then guided her toward the doors, "I know that you must be exhausted, Alice. I've ordered a meal to your room, and your attendants are waiting to assist you with anything you may need."

______________________________

It was only two hours later that Alice was fed, rested, and once more curious to explore the beautiful corridors and numerous rooms of the White palace. Already she'd discovered several studies and music rooms, a full library and a room stocked with potions and tonics held in bottles of every size and color. That last room she might have explored more fully, but she didn't want to risk being shrunk again, or worse.

Alice had been moving down a corridor painted with colorful murals of unicorns, griffins and dragons, when she'd turned a corner and found a balcony overlooking the central courtyard of the palace. Below her she could see the Hatter, the Tweedles and the Hare gathered together. She could hear their excited voices but she was too high up to distinguish what they were saying.

She was compelled to run down and join them, but she found herself content to simply watch them as they capered about together. Though she was not there to see her Hatter returned to his usual energy, Alice still felt her heart lift to know he was in brighter spirits than he had been for the last day.

The White Queen moved to Alice's side, curious at what had so drawn the attention of her champion. In the commons below, the man who was once a servant in her entourage could be seen playing a game of jacks with the Hare and the Tweedles. The man laughed excitedly as one of the twins scooped a handful of jacks before the ball could bounce. At once, they all began to sing.

To the queen's eyes, her Hatter was looking happier, though his coloring was still faded, ashen from some unseen burden he was carrying within himself.

Mirana sighed lightly, her mind slipping back to the time before her sister's monsters had made a campaign of death and terror across the land. The Hatter and the Hare were cheering now, so childlike one moment, so melancholy the next. They were among the first of Iracebeth's victims.

"He wasn't always this way, you know."

Alice turned to the queen; the woman's gliding walk was so silent that she had not noticed the new arrival at her side. "The Hatter?"

"Of course, I knew him when he was still Tarrant Hightopp." The queen paused, wondering if she should proceed. Perhaps she was interfering, but good had prevailed through interference before. "I love my sister, Alice, but what she did that day…some things are truly unforgivable."

Alice furrowed her brow. "You mean when the Jabberwocky first attacked your castle?"

The young queen raised her dark brows and fluttered her lashes in surprise. "Is that what he told you? Alice, no. The Red Army did not attack my castle, but the people of the nearest village. So many innocents lost at once."

"The Hatter lead me through a place where he said the attack first happened. All I saw were barren trees and scorched earth, the charred remnants of a few houses."

Mirana nodded. "That's all the Jabberwocky left in his wake. Iracebeth always knew where to strike to cause the most damage. It was meant to be a festive day, celebrating the passing of another year. The faithful had been invited from all over: clans Killsgen, Tallows, Hightopp, Sarken and Jayas. The party had only just begun when the Knave lead the attack. You've seen the Jabberwock for yourself, Alice, so you know what that creature was capable of. It took us all by surprise and showed no mercy. The Hatter and I, along with a small handful of others, we were among the only survivors. Iracebeth took the crown that evening and ordered the creatures captured into slavery at her palace."

Alice was quiet for several long moments. She'd had no idea of this, the Hatter had only told her…well, he'd explained just enough to convey why he'd sided against the Red Queen, he hadn't mentioned the ocean of grief he must have been carrying after such an enormous loss.

Mirana's story explained everything; the Hatter's flares of temper, the sudden changes to his moods, the night terror at the inn.

"Then, the Hightopp clan…?"

Lady Mirana lowered her eyes. It had been years, but she still felt that she was to blame for all that Tarrant had lost, most especially his mind. "All dead. They all died that day. Fire and lightning rained down from the sky and destroyed his family. Tarrant is the last. He is a very brave man, Alice. I believe his madness lent him the bravery to go on in life. I only survived because he lead my horse away from the monster. He was mad before, but it was my sister that nearly finished him. When I saw him again after the attack, he was not the same as he'd once been. It was the first time in my life that I'd ever feared him."

The girl remained silent for a time, absorbing all she'd been told. Her eyes stung with tears for her friend, and her heart ached to comfort him, to steal away his pain in any way that she could. But what could she do? Champion or not- Alice could not give the Hatter what he wanted most in the world. They were all gone, lost to the cruel whim of a mad tyrant. Her helplessness clawed at her.

Mirana turned serious eyes to her young friend. "I want you to be careful, Alice."

Alice raised her brows and shook her head. Now more than ever, the Hatter deserved her protection. She couldn't hear a word against him, not after all he'd already suffered. "He wouldn't hurt me."

Mirana shook her head and looked down at the man. Looking up, he noticed the women and waved. The queen waved back to him, this shadow of the man she knew. It was clear to her that Alice wished to defend him, but Mirana felt a need to warn the girl.

"I know he wouldn't. Not intentionally, no, he wouldn't. I can see that he cares for you very much, and I believe it will do Tarrant a great amount of good to have a friend. But watch yourself, my girl." Mirana suddenly reached forward to rest her hand over Alice's shoulder, conveying the severity of her warning. "Of all the things in Underland, that man is the most unpredictable."


	4. Chapter 4

The bright afternoon sun had faded in the distance, leaving Underland cloaked under a sky of deep, inky blue. Entranced by the view, Alice ran a brush through her hair, feeling very refreshed and content to smile, recalling the things she'd spoken of with the trio of nymphs who'd only left her room moments ago.

_If only Mother could have heard them..._

True to her word, queen Mirana had assigned three servants to attend Alice; she had been amused to find that, rather than the human girls she'd been expecting, it was three wood nymphs employed to tend to her.

Yes, she had been amused rather than surprised, shocked or incredulous upon meeting them. She fancied her mind as adaptable, as she had come to accept all things once thought as impossible to be all too possible while in the realm of Underland. A trio of talkative nymphs was hardly an ordeal.

But the nymphs were beautiful creatures, resembling the loveliest of women but for their small, pointed ears and full purple eyes. Alice had only ever heard of nymphs in her studies; they were meant to be fairies of a sort, fairies that delighted in both human men and satyrs, if she remembered it right. That point seemed to prove true, as the nymphs had spoken of almost nothing else since they'd greeted her upon her first entering the room, hours ago now.

"Sister, the queen's champion has arrived!" Cried out the first nymph, the one with the red hair.

A moment later, the other two appeared and began to assess Alice with gleeful excitement. "And in such a state, it won't do if she's intent to be presentable for court."

"Naught for the court, I've heard Alice will be receiving a caller tonight!" Replied another of the trio.

"A man?"

"What else? We'll take care of you, Alice. Leave it to us."

Their words were so quick, and their conversation so closed in to themselves that Alice was immediately reminded of the Tweedles, had the boys only been born as triplets.

At the mention of her intended male visitor, the creatures had descended on her, all at once, doing away with her well-traveled dress, muddy boots and wrinkled cloak for favor of a delicate night chemise. Exhausted from the day, Alice had been passive, allowing them to do their work, hardly feeling a touch of hesitance once they'd stripped her naked and guided her toward the bath. They were females, after all.

The nymphs chattered like birds as they washed the dust of the road from her hair and skin, their conversation winding in circles and always arriving back to the subject of men.

"Randa, bring some of that vanilla oil for her skin," said one.

"I've laid out her nightgown on the bed, Carel" said another.

"Oh, Lrala. She'll be most pleasing to the eye once we finish- she'll have her pick of Mirana's nobles!" The third voice cooed.

Alice, being neither nymph nor experienced, found she had little to say. She was content to enjoy their gentle ministrations to her body and listen in to their talk, the way she had listened to the girls in school speak of their secret romances with local boys. The idea was the same, so long as she didn't remain long on the fact that her attendants were far from the human condition.

"No need to be so quiet, Alice." Said the black-haired nymph. She helped raise Alice from the tub and brought a towel around her shoulders, patting away the water beading on her skin. "You are a champion, and I'd wager you've slain a man or two back in your world."

The other nymphs perked up immediately as if they expected to be regaled with some great tale of epic romance. Laughable, really.

Alice was beginning to feel as if she'd been thrust before a strange sisterhood for judgement, as the nymphs seemed to possess a united mind; their every movement took place in corresponding succession, much like a flock of birds could appear to act with one will. The notion made the nymphs all the more intriguing, even as she felt embarrassed by their candor.

Feeling a blush coming on, Alice cleared her throat. "I'm afraid not. Doing… _that_ , it isn't encouraged in my world."

"Impossible! What do you do with yourself in your world, then?"

Alice swallowed. "I have my studies. I read about nymphs once, in a piece over Greek mythology."

"Your world must indeed be a strange one, if it's true that we're studied." The remark was made by Randa, the nymph crowned with a mane of hair such a flame red as to rival the Hatter. "After all, it's not as if we study the habits of humans here."

Alice raised a brow at her. "That's a thing I'd like to know, what is studied here?"

Carel, the nymph of raven tresses, looked up. She'd been inspecting the necklace that Alice had brought through from her world when she'd first followed the rabbit. "We study so many things. Men, mostly."

Alice smiled lightly and felt the heat rise in her cheeks again. "Men?"

Feeling a need to cover up, she slipped into the nightgown they had laid out for her, and marvelled at the garment's texture and short length. Had she been at home she might have been accused of possessing loose morals, to be wearing such a thing in view of others, never mind that her new nymph companions were all female.

The third nymph, Lrala, took up Alice's empty tea cup and poured her another in the hopes it would loosen her tongue. The sisters had already decided to question her about the habits of men from the Otherworld. They couldn't understand Alice's hesitance on the subject. "Don't look so scandalized, Alice. We are nymphs, and men are our business. Please?"

Alice frowned slightly; she didn't like being interrogated by these creatures who were so versed where Alice had remained ignorant. The mention of men only forced her to recall Hamish's proposal, her mother and sister's insistence that she marry into higher wealth before losing her looks.

"Tell us of the men in your world, Champion- what are they like? Rugged and bold warriors? Roguish cads and thieves? Or are they, my personal favorite, romantic heroes?" Randa pressed. On either side of her on the bed, the other two nymphs bounced slightly, eager to learn.

There they all were, the fabled nymphs, studying her with rapt attention. True to their rumored nature, they were deeply fascinated by men, regardless of which world they came from. Alice rolled her eyes at their obsession- they resided in a fantastic world, and all they cared to know about were the men from her dreary homeland.

Alice cleared her throat before them, feeling very much like a lecturer. "Nymphs, I am sorry to disappoint you. The men in my world may be more trouble than they're worth, to be quite honest. I've found most of them to be pompous, uptight, pretentious and cowed by their overbearing mothers."

The nymphs stared at her and a moment later broke into fits of laughter.

"What's so funny?" Alice asked.

"The men of your world- they cannot truly be men, to behave in such ways!" Carel giggled.

"Perhaps if you come to visit my world you would not find them so amusing. I very nearly accepted the proposal of just such a man a few days ago." Alice huffed.

"No! You would chain yourself to such a creature?" Lrala sneered at the idea. "I'd rather pleasure the cursed Knave!"

All four of the women shuddered in sudden disgust at the thought. "Thank you for that, now I'll never get to sleep." Alice complained.

Carel raised her brows, "Think not of the coward Knave, sisters, but of a hero- the last of the Hightopp clan. It's been said he's coming to this room tonight."

The wave of interest between the nymphs had Alice rolling her eyes. She knew where this was headed, but she would hear none of it. Her thoughts on her friend were still swirling over what the queen had told her of his past, the great loss that had lead him into his fierce round of insanity. Where Alice had thought the Hatter's madness to be accepted by all, it appeared that Mirana was wary of him for all that he'd suffered.

The thought that he might be a subject of caution left Alice feeling unsettled for him. Hatter was mad, sure enough, but didn't he deserve to be trusted? Then again, queen Mirana would not have warned Alice of the Hatter's unpredictability without reason. And what could that reason be?

Alice wished to speak with the Hatter directly, not listen to the nymphs and their bizarre lust for all things male.

Lrala perked up. "Queen Mirana's hatter?"

Alice frowned, "I'd rather not talk about him-"

"The very same. He and Alice are very close." Randa nodded, raising her brows suggestively. The nymphs went on without noticing Alice's protests. "Remember when the clan was at court, he made us such beautiful matching hats, while the others made us dresses and shoes. A more talented family, I've never seen."

"But that was before the Horunvendush Day." Carel sighed. "He was different after that. Poor man."

"We're all different." Lrala said. "But now that our queen Mirana wears the crown, we can start over."

"New lives."

"New men!"

"Not one like the coward Knave- a man like the last Hightopp!"

"A man with skills in trade!"

"And in the bedroom!"

Alice blushed furiously- this was _not_ a conversation that she could contribute anything to. The nymphs giggled at her again, a high-pitched, pleasant sound. Apparently they were finally satisfied with her level of embarassment, for they left soon after. "We'll take our leave now, Champion Alice. Pleasant dreams!"

Alice rolled her eyes as they skipped out of her room and into the corridor, bantering back and forth about the Hatter's various attributes as a potential lover.

Really, the idea hadn't crossed her mind. The Hatter was her closest, dearest friend in all of Underland- he'd protected her and guided her through the adventure they'd shared. Alice held a fondness for him that she knew he held for her...but seeing the Hatter in such a vulgar way felt too strange to think about, it was almost disrespectful, a slap at all they were to each other.

The nymphs. They were so odd and so brazen…and so unimpressed with Alice's lack of adventurous tales when it came to men. Well, she'd thought to tell them of the night at the inn with the Hatter, but she doubted that they'd be impressed with any story that didn't end in something that would ruin a girl's reputation.

Well.

Alice decided that she liked the nymphs, despite their…distraction when it came to men. She could hardly fault them for their nature. In any case, it was thanks to their ministrations that Alice was clean, groomed and draped in a refreshing new chemise of pale pink, topped with a robe of white linen. She felt much better than she had earlier in the day.

It was a warm night, and as she was in a high tower of the palace, allowing the pleasant breeze to flow through her room. Alice went to the balcony and looked down over the gardens below, then to the lands stretching out to the horizon. The entire world was bathed in a veil of deep blue, cast with silver shadows from the bright half-moon above.

A knock sounded on the door and Alice went to answer, hoping that it was not the nymphs again. She'd just gotten accustomed to the quiet.

But it was the Hatter who stood on the other side of the threshold, dressed in what Alice assumed were what passed for men's pajamas here in this world. They were similar in style to the pajamas once worn by her father- simple slim pants and a long, trim shirt. In a flash, she remembered that while her father's sleep clothes had been a drab black, the Hatter's were bright cerulean blue, trimmed with canary yellow, the colors reminiscent of the jacket he'd been wearing on their very first meeting, so many years ago.

The colors of his clothing were made all the more vibrant against the ghoulish gray of his leeched skin and strained face.

His expression was anxious as he bowed stiffly at the waist and addressed her with the voice of first formality. "Good evening, Miss Kingsleigh. May I come in?"

Alice gasped at the sight of him, "Hatter! Good Lord, what's happened to you?"

The man regarded her with tired eyes. He knew how he looked, and that he couldn't keep the charade going much longer. "I wanted to see you, and you won't stay if I show my madness."

His entire person was off- this gray, miserable stranger was not _her_ Mad Hatter!

"What are you talking about? Please, tell me."

"I promised to be like the men in your world, stoic and…reserved…" Distantly, Hatter could feel the madness of his true self thrashing against the restraints he'd caged over it.

_This will not do..._

"That's what you thought? Oh, Hatter, no- please, what can I do to help you?" Alice asked. Her friend looked as if he'd been drained of life, and she was the cause. If there was a worse feeling in the world, Alice did not have a word for it.

His eyes flashed brightly and he went to his knees, pleading to her, "I can't keep this up. With your indulgence, let me be myself again."

Alice moved to her knees as well and placed her hands over his shoulders. "Hatter, if I'd known this was the reason you've been so…oh, I would have never asked it of you, not even as a joke."

"You said it, _'no funny business'_ , I was just trying to be what you wanted."

Alice pulled him to stand up with her. "This isn't what I want of you. I'd had no idea of the toll it's been taking on you, but I should have understood it. Forgive me, forgive me, I'm so sorry." She hugged her friend then, hoping to heal the pain she'd caused him with her careless words in the Red garden.

Hatter brought his hands up to rest on the small of her back. Alice was pleasantly warm. Inside, an invisible hand turned the key to his cage, setting his nature free. Mad he was and mad he should stay, and both his personalities were in agreement on that point. It was too much of an effort to pretend he was anything else.

Still...

"I didn't want you to leave."

"What do you mean?"

The Hatter stepped into her room at her invitation, and visibly improved a great deal. At once, he appeared cheerier, brighter, more relaxed. In fact, he could feel his strength returning with each passing moment. Alice put her hand over his shoulder again. Playing at being uptight, reserved and aloof had clearly exhausted him. Alice wouldn't dream to ask it of him again, and she felt a terrible guilt at having caused him this great strain.

"I was trying to hold back my madness for you, but it is a quiet storm. I'm not strong enough," he confessed miserably.

"Please, Hatter, come back to me. I promise, I only wish for the real you, the half-mad you." Alice pleaded to her friend. She closed the door and drew him further into the room.

"I've found it's easier to pretend being a fool than it is to play at being even partly sane. I don't know how you do it." Hatter said, thinking of all the times he'd gladly played the part of the lunatic beyond all help just to throw the Knave off the scent of his Resistance.

"Oh, Hatter. No, no. I didn't mean for you to restrain yourself in such a way. I'd only meant that when I came to live at your house…oh, nevermind, you silly thing. Come in, and please, be your wonderful mad self again. That's the Hatter I've been missing." Alice confessed as she took his hands into hers.

A warmth bloomed in her heart to have her friend returned to her; forgetting all the talk of the nymphs, Alice was sure she felt a genuine love for the Hatter then, a feeling that she knew was worlds beyond plain lust.

The Hatter smiled at her, a welcome sight. "Thank you, Alice. I think I might have been starting to forget myself."

Alice smiled back at him. His face was brighter already, the natural washes of color had flared to the surface over his eyes and along his cheekbones and the sides of his nose; Alice was thrilled to see the ashen gray be overtaken by his natural vibrancy.

The girl hoped to never see him diminished again; she would not see _his_ muchness fade if she could help it.

"I don't want that, I want you as you are." She motioned to the chairs she'd set outside the room. "It's such a nice night out. Come sit with me out on the balcony."

Very happily, he followed her and they shared the view. In the time it took for him to cross the room, the Hatter was back- Alice and Underland had missed him very much. "Oh, I see so many _M_ s here. You have a marvelous view of a mighty, mysterious, miraculous land."

Alice nodded, wondering why he was so fascinated by that one letter. "You're right. Underland is a miracle, Hatter. I never thought I'd see such a place outside of my dreams."

"But Alice, I've told you before, this isn't a dream. It's all real. If anything, I think this Otherworld you speak of so often must be the dream- and with the things you've told us, some are beginning to suspect that you've gone mad." He intimated.

"Mad? Me?"

"Two more Ms, the first of those two being my favorite."

Alice shook her head. "My world isn't a dream, it's just different."

"And so the same must be said of Underland."

Alice smiled at him and looked up to the night sky. The half-moon seemed to smile at her. "That riddle from the Red Queen's garden, what is half in the sun and half in the shade- it was the moon, wasn't it?"

Hatter laughed, his mad giggle. She was happy to hear it- anything was better than his pretended indifference. "You are the cleverest girl, yes, the moon! And it's lovely tonight, isn't it?" His large eyes raised to the sky, taking in the sight.

Alice leaned back in her chair and propped her bare legs on the rail of the balcony, crossing them at the ankles beside him. Perhaps it was the intimacy she shared with the Hatter that had her forget just how little her nightgown covered. It was a detail she'd simply overlooked. "I think everything in Underland is lovely."

Hatter's eyes widened slightly at the sight of her legs stretched out in such a way. He had noticed only in passing what she'd been wearing at the door, but seeing her like this was _moving_ something within him. A memory, some stirring desire streaked through his chest.

It was gone a moment later, but it left him very confused.

Though he understood Alice to have grown up, it was still a task for him to reconcile Alice the woman and Alice his friend as one in his mind. And they _were_ one, weren't they? They had to be- he knew of no other Alices in Underland.

The Hatter held a great fondness for this Alice, but laying eyes on her exposed skin was strangely thrilling, a familiar sensation he recalled from his past life. Within himself, a trigger had been pulled on a buried memory.

Had Lady Mirana been there, she would have seen it, for she knew the Hatter best. The way his eyes had took in the sight of Alice, the way his body had stilled its fidgeting. She'd tended to him and so recognized the signs. Inside of himself, the Hatter was making the change.

Had Lady Mirana been there, she would have warned Alice to get away from the Hatter at once, for the queen had learned years ago that the trouble with being mad was that when one's emotions were so closely mingled, those that had been buried the longest would sometimes flare to the surface without a hint of warning, and so ruining a perfectly nice evening visit.

Alice, however, knew none of this and so made no move to cover the body that had unknowingly set his rage to simmer. She was comfortable in his presence, almost naive.

"Yes, everything is lovely. Everything here will all go back to the way it was." The Hatter paused as he felt a sudden cloud settle over his heart as whispered memories began to stir in the deepest annals of his mind. "Almost everything."

She frowned, confused. "What do you mean?"

The whispering voices in his mind were quickly growing louder, viciously placing blame, screaming their accusations. He could feeling himself being pulled into the maelstrom of fear and anger that he'd held at bay since the battle. He would have warned Alice away, but his mouth was no longer under his control. The rage had him now.

"Only that some will not return, no matter what might have been." He said. His own voice had lost its vibrancy once again, coming out more somber, laced with a cruel bitterness.

Alice waited to see if he would go on, but he said nothing to follow. Her own muchness stirred, and so she was compelled to take a chance. "I know what really happened that day, Hatter. The White Queen told me."

"She is a gossip." He growled.

"No, she only wanted me to know what happened to you, why you're…this way."

The man's voice was changing again, adopting that strange accent and growing more menacing with every word. Alice felt her pulse quicken.

"It wasn't her story to tell, it was mine."

"And would you have told me?"

"In time."

Alice moved to him and put her hand on his shoulder. "I lost my father just months ago, so I know how it feels to lose-"

All at once, Hatter rose to stand over her. He'd knocked over his chair and his angry voice was slamming off the walls of her room. His hands were clasped over her arms and he shook her once, hard. "Nothing! You know nothing! You weren't there for the screams and the fire! It killed everything it touched and all she did was stand by and laugh as my-"

She remembered the words of the queen, warning her of the Hatter's madness- she also remembered how she had defended him as her protector, her companion.

_She would not fear her friend._

Alice brought her hands up to cup his face in an attempt to calm him. It had worked before. "Hatter, Hatter!"

It was one thing to have grabbed him to quiet his ranting in the Red palace and she'd been at least twice his size- it was quite another to suddenly be pressed against him on the balcony, with her blood thundering from fear and excitement. She was sure she'd never been this close to a man before, and now she knew why; it was terrifying.

The rage died in Hatter's eyes, and he was his gentle self once more. "I…I…I'm fine." He panted. "I'm sorry, Alice. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

The door leading to the corridor outside was pushed open and a White guard moved through the room, his suspicious eyes assessing whether or not the Hatter had hurt her. "Is everything all right in here?"

Alice dropped her hands from the Hatter's face as he backed away from her. "Yes. We're fine."

The guard regarded the situation levelly. "If you're sure, miss."

Alice nodded. "I'm sure."

"Goodnight, then." The guard left the room, closing the door behind him.

A silence hung between them where neither could meet the other's eyes. Hatter felt shame clawing at him from inside his chest; he wished that he was different, that he didn't have to worry about Alice seeing him come undone to his own buried rage.

Hatter pulled at the cuff of his right sleeve and started off the balcony toward the door. "I will go."

Alice took a step after him. "You don't have to."

Hatter looked back at her, very regretful. Distantly, he realized that she was beautiful, and his heart filled with pain at the sight of her. She reminded him of someone, somewhere.

"But I should. I thought…I thought that once the Frabjous Day had passed and Lady Mirana returned to the throne…I am sorry, Alice."

She shook her head and held her hand out, beckoning him to return. "Hatter, please. Stay awhile more. I know you must have another riddle." It was a desperate bait to his pride. She didn't want to see him leave her again.

The man looked uncertain for a moment. He hadn't expected her to ask him back. "Well, there is a third I have been pondering. Alice, what shines brightest in the dark?"


	5. Chapter 5

It took some time before the easy mood was restored to the high tower, but both parties made the effort. Alice coaxed her friend to sit with her in the casual area of her palace room, he in the soft chair and she reclining on the sofa directly across from him.

A candle was placed forward to light the room and a pot of calming peach tea was ordered, but even then our most interesting couple was joined by the metaphorical elephant in the room; without words, they were teaming together to ignore it by playing at the Hatter's riddle.

"Is it the moon again?"

"No."

"A candle?"

"No."

"A firefly?"

Hatter raised his brows at her, giggling. "The fire can fly in your world? Yes, you must be mad to dream up such a thing."

Alice rolled her eyes at him. "A firefly is an insect that can glow in the dark. I've read all about them."

The Hatter was not impressed. They had been at the game for some time now, but Alice refused to give up.

Though he was happy to be spending time with her again, especially as they were alone and without interruption, the Hatter's every smile was tinged with a strange sort of sorrow. He was glad that the room was lit only by a single candle on the low table between them, for Alice could not see his hovering guilt.

The girl claimed to have forgiven his earlier outburst, but he knew better. Mad he was, but not stupid. Hatter knew that he'd done a great _bad thing_ in grabbing her the way he had on the balcony. To know he'd frightened Alice shamed him greatly, but Hatter had learned many years ago that when the rage took hold, he was unable to stop himself.

His madness itself was not the problem, for he had always both been mad and the spirit of gentleness; no one still living could recall a time in which he'd even so much as raised his voice.

But that had all been before the reign of the Red Queen.

The things that the Hatter had been forced to do and the people he'd lost had changed him, twisting part of him into something _dark_. He'd felt that change, knowing he was becoming a different man and it terrified him. Secretly, it was his greatest fear to become an evil, cruel creature- one of those things that had been only too eager to follow Iracebeth and the Knave into the Outlands, hoping to plot an epic revenge against Underland.

Even as he sat across from his dear Alice, the Hatter could feel the darkness that had touched him waiting just beneath the surface, the flaring rage he still carried from Horunvendush Day.

_I wouldn't be this way had it not been for that scrum slurping urpal Knave…_

Hatter ticked his head to the left. _Don't go down that road- not again, not in front of Alice, she's seen more than enough!_

With an effort, the Hatter pulled himself from the dark train of thought. He had reason to be happy, he reminded himself, for here he sat with Alice, safely tucked away in the White palace, with Lady Mirana back in her rightful place as the queen. The Red Queen, the Knave and their monsters had been banished, forever exiled, their bloody palace soon to be razed to the ground. If Fate was fair, then all that would be left of them would be bad memories, never to be spoken of again.

And, the most important, that Alice had been exposed to his...less than charming side, and yet she had not rejected his friendship. The girl still cared to know him. She had not had him taken from her room by the guard when she'd had the chance- in point of fact, she had asked him to stay with her. She was a rare find, indeed.

But back to their game.

Hatter sipped his tea and frowned slightly. It had gone cool in the time it was taking for Alice to think on his riddle. What had she just said? Something about an interest in glowing insects.

"Why would you read about these fireflies? Is that the done thing in the Otherworld?"

Alice blinked tired eyes at him from her seat on the sofa. She'd drawn a light blanket over herself, perhaps for the warmth it provided, or perhaps to calm him. The Hatter was grateful that she was no longer so exposed, for it would only serve as a distraction, and he did not want her to fear him. No, never that!

The girl stifled a yawn before answering him. "It isn't done by everyone, but I like to read on all subjects."

He perked up, blinking curiously. "Do you read on hat-making?"

The Hatter knew he would never see her world, but it might be worth a listen if she knew of a different technique he could use in his own craft.

"No. I'd rather see you work."

"You will, perhaps sooner than later. Or, whichever comes first and only Time will decide that. And it won't be just hats for long, I will have to expand my skill set for Lady Mirana. But please, Alice, back to the riddle…unless you're giving up?"

She shook her head and fixed him with a determined stare. "I'm _not_ giving up. What shines brightest in the dark, what shines brightest…is it a lightbulb?"

"I don't know what that is."

She smiled lightly. "It's a thing made of glass and wire that can light a room."

"And you have this thing in your world?"

"Yes, I have a lamp in my room. It's how I read late into the night."

Hatter shifted in his own chair. "As I've never known such a thing to exist, a lightbulb is not the answer."

Alice huffed in irritation. "Then may I have a hint?"

"That's not how it's played."

"Please, Hatter?"

Off her plea, he relented. "All right, but only for you, and only this once. Hmm, ah, I know it: You found this thing."

A slow smile unfolded over her face. It seemed that this device she spoke of, this lighting-bulb, was not the only thing that could light a room. "It's muchness, isn't it? I should have known!"

The Hatter clapped, mindful of his bandaged fingertips. "Clever thing. You are too good at this, Alice! I might have to think on another game for us to share."

"Well, there's always Truth or Dare."

"Pardon?"

Alice thought back to the formal garden parties she'd spent with other children her own age, separated from the adults and bored out of their skulls. "It's a game to play- if someone asks you a question you have to answer with the absolute truth, or if they dare you with a task, then you must do it, though no one ever chooses the dare. The game is just a way to learn each other's secrets."

"You might know me too well already."

The Hatter regretted his words a moment later, cringing, and he stared down into the last brown drops of tea at the bottom of his cup. His madness could be inconvenient at times, especially when the barrier between his mind and his mouth occasionally went off for a few minutes' holiday.

In the corner of the room, the elephant flapped his wide ears.

Alice reacted in exactly the wrong way by moving to sit forward on the sofa, her face awake with interest. He would have preferred her to have changed the subject, never mind that he'd been the one to lead them here by accident.

The light from the candle before her did odd things to Alice's face, casting it in a soft, golden light, making her appear warmer, and somehow more mature in a way that spoke to the broken part of his mind. Distantly, he could remember something...

That odd heat bloomed in his chest once more, hotter this time, but he trampled it down, down, hiding it in a part of his mind to save for examination at a later time. There was no time to think of such things when Alice had unpleasant questions that needed answering.

She leaned forward, closer to the candle set between them. When she spoke, her voice was earnest. "Can I ask why you turned on me the way you did?"

He knew it would only be a matter of time before she would ask him such a thing- where the others simply accepted what he'd become, Alice was too curious to drop the matter, leaving him with the task of explanation. The room went quiet as the Hatter thought on how best to answer _the question_ for a long few moments.

The more he thought, the more he felt a sinking feeling in his stomach and a hard squeezing on his heart, for how could a madman, being fully aware of his mad condition and yet crippled by a despairing rage even begin to explain himself? There weren't enough words to answer her, but Alice deserved some measure of the truth...

He moved his hands like nervous birds, fluttering and twitching. "I didn't mean to, Alice. I...must have tripped into a bad memory after you allowed me to regain myself." He blinked wet jade at her and then went on, "If we could choose ourselves, I would cut that part away. I thought I would be rid of it after you returned to slay the Jabberwocky, but I was wrong. I'm sorry for it, that I can't best it for you. I've tried before, but I'm not strong enough. It still has me, but I will be much more careful from now on, this I promise you."

There was a long, drawn silence as Alice seemed to absorb his words after he was finished speaking. He'd said what he'd had to say, and so he went back to investigating the last drops at the bottom of the teacup in his lap. She said nothing for a long time, thinking, always thinking, but with the ruffle of her blanket slipping to the floor, she was before him.

It was not the pale exposed skin thrust so suddenly before him that unnerved the Hatter, but Alice's warm hands on either side of his face as she kneeled in front of his chair and directed his eyes to hers.

"Hatter, I want you to know that I'm not afraid of you."

Such simple, plain words carrying mountains of meanings- did she even know?

The Hatter removed her hands from his face and held them between his own. He shook his head at her, and voiced the one thought that had emerged on the moment she'd pulled him from his rage on the balcony.

"I might have hurt you, Alice. Perhaps you should not come to my house."

It was the last thing he wanted, truly, to return alone to Hightopp manor- but Alice was first in his mind. Yes, she had stopped him in the Red palace and on the balcony that night, but what if the day came when his rage took too strong a hold over his body, so strong that calling his name would not be enough to have him regain control?

He was bigger than Alice, stronger. And if this terrible thing happened while they were alone with no one to help her, if the day came when he was too far gone into rage, then there would be precious little that Alice would be able to do to stop him. He would terrify her, he could hurt her or worse.

And he will have become the monster the Horunvendush Day had seeded in his heart, that evil, cruel thing he feared most in himself.

But Alice could not know the rampant fears running through his mind, she could not see the image of herself, strangled and beaten bloody by the crazed fists of her friend. For all her muchness, Alice knew nothing of the danger she could be in. Truly, she knew nothing of the remains of Tarrant Hightopp.

How could she? She was so...so...

Alice shook her head and lifted her hands to rest on his shoulders, squeezing him in a reassuring way. She had already decided that she would not be like Lady Mirana; she would not trust the Hatter with one eye and suspect him with the other. This gentle creature had been her guide and protector, her dearest friend in Underland, risking his freedom and his life for her.

She understood what the Hatter was saying- he worried over what might happen when she came to live with him, but she could not let him think that she shared this fear for, truly, she did not. No, she was not afraid of him. In fact, she felt compelled to help him in whatever way she could.

There. Her mind was made up, her decision one of finality.

Alice stood up, pulling the Hatter's hands so that he stood as well. She fixed him with a smile she felt all the way to her bones.

"Don't be silly, Hatter. We've made it this far, and you won't have to be alone."

______________________________

The next morning, after being dressed and interrogated by the nymph trio, Alice went in search of the White Queen.

"Why would you bother Lady Mirana with all this?" Randa had asked her.

"Because the Hatter is my friend, and what the queen is doing is wrong." Alice had said as she'd slipped into a dress of lavender cotton.

"Just because you don't agree with the queen doesn't mean she's wrong, Alice. You haven't been in Underland a fortnight and you think you know all there is about everyone." Lrala had admonished.

Through much bickering back and forth, the nymphs had calmed Alice's temper enough to have her see a bit of wisdom in Lady Mirana's methods. Perhaps the queen knew more than Alice did- of course she did. She must, for she was the rightful queen.

Still...

Alice turned down a corner and followed the corridor until she came upon Lady Mirana's throne room. To her surprise, the queen was alone, seemingly waiting for her.

The White queen smiled gently to her, and beckoned her to come closer. "I've been informed of what took place last night, Alice."

The girl stopped short on her approach to the other woman, her eyes wide. "I'm not sure what you mean."

Mirana shook her head. "You know better than that. My knight was very careful with his details. He heard a man shouting in your room and when he went to investigate, he found you and the Hatter tangled on the balcony. Tell me, was he having one of his…upsets?"

Alice scowled, feeling her temper rise. "You were _spying_ on us?"

Mirana stood from the throne and approached Alice. For one strange moment, Alice thought Mirana would strike her, but the queen only lifted her hand to lay it upon her shoulder. The two women headed out of the throne room and outside, into the early warmth of the central courtyard.

The flowering trees swayed slowly in the breeze, scenting the air with their delicate blossoms.

"I do not employ spies, Alice. That was the way of my sister. Let us say I am keeping an eye on my dearest friends. Do not mistake my concern for suspicion. Tarrant and I were close once, we were fast friends and more. I owe my life to him. I only worry that he may do something that prevents him from fully forgiving himself."

Alice frowned, confused. "What does he have to blame himself for?"

"Horunvendush Day." Mirana sighed, and Alice saw her dark eyes grow deep with emotion. "His sorrow will fester into bursts of rage for as long as he sees the dying faces of those he loved. I've tried to heal him, Alice, but his madness is my failure. Should you stay with him, I fear his rage may rise against you, and there is no telling what he might do, should such a thing happen."

The queen's words were full of concern and warning, but Alice could not hear it. She had made up her mind. She had chosen the Hatter; he was unpredictable, yes, but out of all the fantastic creatures Alice had come upon in Underland, the Hatter had made her feel the safest. She could not betray him on the word of the queen.

"I understand, but I didn't survive the Bandersnatch, the Red Queen and the Jabberwocky just to lose my muchness on the chance that the Hatter might lash out at me." Alice told her. "You said that having a friend would be a good thing for him."

Mirana grasped Alice's hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. "I still think you are good for each other. I've seen it. He brightens at the sight of you, he's happier than he's been in years, but to remain with him in such close quarters may…stay at the palace, Alice. Stay here and leave Tarrant to his home. You would still see him as often as it pleases you both, but it will be safer if you-"

"Mirana, I can't do that to him." Alice interrupted. "He asked me to stay on in his house and he nearly wasted away just to put my mind at ease about how he would behave once we resided together. I can't change my mind now, and…I don't want him to be alone. You said the Hatter needs a friend, and I'll be his."

The queen fixed her dark stare to Alice, but the girl was decided. Mirana relented. "You truly are a champion, Alice, and I can see that you have made your choice. You may go with him whenever you choose, with my blessings. I only hope...Alice, perhaps you may heal him where I have failed."

The queen turned to leave her there, but Alice called after her, "He doesn't blame you, Lady Mirana. I know he doesn't blame you for what happened that day...and if I may say, I think the Hatter isn't the only one who can't forgive himself."

Mirana looked back at Alice with a small, sorrowful smile. She said nothing. The queen only nodded to Alice, this girl who possessed perhaps a greater wisdom than her own, and returned to the throne.

There was so much to do, and she could no longer interfere with either Tarrant or Alice. Whatever choices they made from that day onward would be their own.


	6. Chapter 6

The start of a new day signaled the start of a new beginning to the Hatter.

True enough, his madness often rendered him with a skewed perception of Time, but even he was able to feel the buttery warm sun on his face, whiff the scent of blossoms on the breeze and know that hope had returned to Underland.

Tarrant felt lighter on waking in his given room of the White palace; the Red Queen was banished away, and Alice had forgiven the unpleasantness from the night before. He hoped that she would not have need to forgive anything from him again, for it would grieve him greatly if he frightened her with another of his upsets.

And they were to leave the White castle later on that day, with no telling what they might come upon outside the brilliant marble walls. More adventure, more danger, more heartache…even with Lady Mirana back on the throne, who could say what the world held in store? Hatter was meant to be her friend and host; if Alice did not find Underland agreeable, he wanted to be up to the task of making her time with him pleasant enough that she would give up this idea she had of going back to the Otherworld. It simply would not do!

Still, all concerns aside, Hatter looked forward to the day, to being alone with Alice again and showing her his house.

After the man had bathed and dressed for the morning, he'd moved across the central courtyard in a shortcut to the palace kitchen. A fluttering in his chest brought a smile to his face and he laughed, just like being tickled with feathers from inside. Alice was staying with him, and later in the day she would come to live with him at his house! Grand!

It was the start of a happy time, he could feel it in his bones as he crossed the green. But he also felt a growling hunger, which called for a breakfast of tea - _oh, raspberry tea!_ \- and a few slices of cinnamon cake. Perhaps he might sneak a piece of chocolate ganache, as well.

"So you intend to take her to your house."

Hatter stopped and looked up, smiling to see Chessur come into being on the branch of a tree to his left. The cat came into view, from his wide grin to the tip of his fluffy tail. He did admire the cat's evaporating skills. Practice, practice.

After the cat's help leading up to the Frabjous Day, Hatter had let go of his grudge- his shoulders had grown tired of carrying it for so many years, and it was a very good thing to call Chess his friend again.

"Her, Alice. Yes, I asked her to stay and she agreed." Looking closer, he saw that Chessur held a dainty teacup in his paws. Hmm. Perhaps apple tea with his breakfast was called for, rather than raspberry.

The cat took a sip and then vanished the cup. Chessur lived to show off his talent. "Lovely girl. And what do you intend to do with her once she's there? I've just come from the manor, Tarrant, and it's in no condition for a tea party, nor even tea for two."

Hatter realized then that he had not formed thoughts or intentions beyond bringing Alice to come live with him at his house. He couldn't say what they would do; he was out of riddles but perhaps Alice had a new game. He might teach her to cook or sew a pattern, he could show her his garden, but would she enjoy that?

The Hatter faltered under the intent gaze of the cat. "I don't know what we'll do. I haven't…"

The cat's rolled onto his back, though his head remained facing forward to the man. "Don't be embarrassed- planning ahead was never your strong suit. But if you do bring her there, I think you'll both be busy enough."

"I hope we will be. Alice won't stay just to putter about the house, she can do that in her own world."

Chessur's tail twitched. "There will be plenty to do once you get there, though I don't envy you the work."

Hatter nibbled on his lower lip. The cat only made sense when he chose to, but what did he know of the house?

The cat looked up. "Tarrant, the queen is coming for you."

Hatter looked over his shoulder and smiled to see Lady Mirana coming toward him, gliding across the grass. She was such a graceful woman, and the way her pale hands swayed in the air had always endeared him. He could watch those swimming hands for hours, and he had on several occasions when they had played on their infatuations. But that had been many innocent years ago.

He smiled and bowed at the waist on her approach. "Good morning, my lady."

The woman curtsied to him, raising the hem of her silvered gown just high enough to reveal delicate slippered feet. "Good morning, Tarrant. Am I to understand that you'll be leaving us today?"

Her dark eyes wavered slightly when he nodded. "Yes, my lady. I'm going home and I've invited Alice to come live with me."

"Yes, I know. I spoke to Alice just moments ago. I just…I wanted to see you before you left."

Hatter took her hand into his. "I will return the moment you have need of me, you know that."

Mirana smiled at the man. "Yes, and I will have need of you. My friend, with Underland safe once again, there is cause for celebration. And I intend to celebrate in style."

In the time of her father's reign as king, the Hatter and Mirana- then only a princess- had spent much time conspiring over plans for galas and balls. Now he smiled, for it seemed that they would collaborate together once more.

"Ah, you need my hats."

"Your hats, your talents and yourself, for we will celebrate soon. I will have need of you in my court once again." Mirana leaned forward and kissed his cheek. "Fairfarren, Tarrant. Look after that champion for me, will you?"

"You know I will."

______________________________

After a lovely breakfast of apple tea and cake, the Hatter returned to his room. The time to leave would be upon him soon, and he felt the need to ready his things; he did not have much to pack, only a few articles of clothing and his broadsword. The sword itself was a problem- what would he do with the thing now that there was no reason for its use?

Hatter gripped the handle of the sword and caught a glimpse of his own reflection in the smoothness of the blade. Bright green eyes set in a face of stark white. He rarely gave much thought to his own looks, but his distorted image unnerved him for a moment. What an odd character he was!

He swung the sword back and forth in long arcs, fighting with an imagined foe. He parried, he thrust, and on one last twisting strike, he noticed a large parcel that had been awaiting him on the low table near the doors leading to his own balcony. Curious, Hatter set the sword aside and approached his mystery gift.

On unwrapping the package, Hatter found a bundle of new clothes inside, along with several provisions for the journey and the house. There was even a small box of chocolate tucked away for him. Ah, the Lady Mirana was a most generous woman!

A knock came at the door, and Alice stood on the other side. He had not seen her since leaving her room late the night before. His pulse quickened on seeing her again, so lovely and delicate in a simple frock of pale lavender with a silver chain draped about her throat.

"Good morning, Hatter."

"Alice! Look, look at what the queen gave me." He waved his arm, drawing the girl into the room. Hatter opened the box and handed her a piece of precious chocolate as Alice moved to sit beside him on the sofa, the parcel resting between them.

"I received one as well this morning. Lady Mirana's parting gifts, I suppose."

"You see? You are the champion of Underland, I told you she would have gifts for you." Hatter leaned forward to confide in a whisper, "She is planning a celebration soon, so we will not be parted for long. I will be the Royal Hatter once again!"

"That's wonderful, I'm so happy for you! I can't wait to see your work." Alice smiled.

"You will, very soon. But we need to get on to the manor, you see, as the time has come." He could feel the swell of happiness in his chest tickling him again. "Are you ready to come away with me?"

Alice swallowed, shifting her eyes away for a moment. "I am. I only have to say good-bye to the nymphs."

His eyes brightened. "Ah, the nymphs! I didn't know they were in the castle, I thought they had fled to Snud years ago."

Alice shook her head and held her hand out to him. "Come with me, they've been asking to see you."

_____________________________

Alice lead the way back up to the high tower that held her room. Hatter was following a few steps behind, though he kept becoming distracted by the corridor murals of unicorns, dragons and other creatures. One moment he would be speaking with her, and the next he would be tracing the spiny tail of a painted dragon with a thimbled fingertip.

"Come on, you silly thing," Alice teased as she looped her arm through his and pulled him forward down the hall. She was more tolerant than most, but after the third time he'd grown distracted, she simply had to lead him on.

"Silly is a state of mind, my dear." Hatter replied in his defense. "And my mind is in such a state!"

Still leading him by the arm, Alice nodded with a smile. "I know it, but if you investigate every last painting in this palace, we'll be here for the next year. Better stick to things that begin with the letter _M_ , or _B_ , if you prefer." She suggested.

"Ah, the bold _B_. A beautiful idea with bountiful possibilities."

They continued walking the corridor, side by side, when Alice laid her head on his shoulder for a moment with a dreamy, faraway cast over her eyes. "Hatter, I'm glad you convinced me to stay on in Underland. I like it here much more than my world."

He had not been expecting this, for her to lean on him or to confide her secret. Until the last few days, their contact had been merely incidental. Now it seemed that Alice wanted to touch him all the time. Very curious, but not unwelcome if he was honest- and when was he not?

Hatter stopped walking and turned to face her fully. Following the trend of touching, he put his hands over her arms, unknowingly mirroring the grasp he'd taken during his rage the night before. Alice fought the urge to wince when he touched the bruises he'd given her on the balcony.

"If you're happier here, you can stay for all time. Lady Mirana would allow it. You could stay." His voice matched the earnest look of his eyes.

"I'd like to, but I told you before that there are still things I need to do in my world, just…not yet. I'm not ready to go yet."

Hatter considered this. "Then if your leaving is only a matter of Time, I'll kill him again to be sure you stay on. Just think of it. The tea party that never ends!"

When Alice shook her head, her hair caught in the light coming forth from the nearest window.

_Buttery, bouncing, blonde…_

"Don't kill anything, Hatter. I'll have to leave Underland but it won't be for a while. And when I leave, it won't be forever."

He didn't much like the thought of her leaving again- he had missed her very much the first time she had returned to her world. They had searched for her for days, and were upset to recover no trace of the girl from the bizarre Otherworld. In his own way, Hatter had thought perhaps that he'd dreamt her up, Alice being the signal of his madness reaching new heights.

"When you leave, you might not find your way back to us."

The unspoken _"To me."_ was made clear enough in its implication. Alice didn't want her friend to worry that she would disappear forever.

"I will come back." She told him firmly. "I thought it had all been a dream before, but I understand now. It's all real. I don't know how or why, but I can make it back here."

"It won't be the same when you leave."

Hatter didn't want to sound petulant; he was mad, not a child.

Still, he wanted Alice to send her plan to return to her world away, for it did not sound like a place where she would be happy. Yes, Hatter knew then that he was right all along. It would be best to send Alice's idea of leaving off to the Outlands where it could keep the Red Queen and the loathsome Knave company for all eternity.

Alice sighed lightly and shook her head at his insistence. "Well, it might help you to know that my world will be more tedious than ever once I get back- and you know I'll have to go back, Hatter." A delicate pause. "But not today. We have to get going to your house before I can get going back to my world."

Her words did not carry the full renouncing of the Otherworld that he had hoped for, but as a craftsman, the Hatter understood the need for patience.

He smiled lightly as Alice looped her arm through his once more and started forward to her room.

Happily, he moved to take the lead this time.

_____________________________

On entering Alice's room, there was an immediate fluttering of gauzy material and excited female chatter. The Hatter's vision was flooded with bright purple eyes set in identical faces of such alluring beauty that he had to catch his breath. He felt hands clutching and stroking at the material of his jacket, perhaps searching for the stark white skin beneath. Before he knew what had happened, he'd been lead to the sofa with the nymphs fawning over him.

Ah, nymphs. Men were their catnip, and as a hero, the Hatter's charms were tenfold in their eyes.

Vaguely, it entered his fractured mind that by rights, the nymphs' attentions should have been set on Alice by bringing her more gifts from the queen and setting them at her feet. Alice deserved new dresses and shoes, all the cakes and chocolates in Underland! She was the champion, not him! He was no hero, just a hatter, that was all. He shouldn't ride her coattails into fame, not even if her coattails happened to lead him into pleasurable company.

And such pleasurable company!

Too often, it was forgotten that the Hatter was every bit a man. Hang his madness and his stark coloring- his blood was every bit as red as the Knave's, though that part of his humanity had been buried for years...Tarrant Hightopp was a madman, naturally, but even a man as crazy as he was would be made helpless when swarmed by such a strong pack of nymphs.

Alice remained at the doorway, transfixed, watching how easily the man fell into their web. She felt a twinge of… _something_ in her chest. It was not jealousy, exactly, but a small, secret part of her was disappointed to watch her friend buy into their flattery so easily.

The flame-haired Randa was the dominant nymph, so far as Alice could tell, and so she placed herself directly before him. Her hands rested lightly on his chest, her eyes holding his in her magic. "Tarrant, you've been back to the palace and never sought us out, you cad!"

"Randa, that's no way to speak to a Frabjous Day hero!" Lrala admonished. "After all he's suffered and all the danger he's faced, such a man deserves nothing but comfort."

"You are too right, sister. We owe so much to you, Tarrant. Stay with us so that we might show you our gratitude." Randa leaned forward and only just brushed the Hatter's lips with her own.

Alice's fist clenched to see the Hatter's eyes slip closed with the slight kiss.

"And we are so grateful. Do you recall the hats you made for us while your clan was in the court? We saved them, Tarrant. How could we have left them behind? We know how much you pride yourself on your work, surely you'd like to see us wear them again." Carel whispered softly. The nymph's hand was resting on his thigh.

Lrala agreed and stroked the stripe of color over his cheek with her fingertip, "We haven't had any fine occasions to wear them, but thanks to your good works, every day that Lady Mirana holds the throne is a day worthy of wearing your craft in celebration. We'd be more than happy to wear them for you."

Randa sensed it, perfect timing for the _coupe de grace_. She leaned forward to whisper to him, "The hats are _all_ we'd wear for you, Tarrant Hightopp."

Alice scowled at the scene. She had understood the nymphs to be creatures naturally transfixed with men, but this was all becoming too vulgar. She moved to leave her bedchamber, fearing the scene might erupt into some bizarre orgy right there on the low sofa!

The man swayed slightly, so deeply, so thoroughly enjoying the soft strokes and light kisses from the nymphs. There really was no man alive who could resist being drawn in by their allure, their flattery…but it was one thing to be drawn in for a time, and another to forget oneself completely.

Hatter opened his eyes and pulled his mind from the pleasant lull they'd given him. To his left, he saw Alice standing at the doorway with a strange expression clouding her face. Yes, she was the lighthouse that would remind him of the dangers of sea nymphs singing their song on the rocks.

He stood from the sofa and looked down on them as they sprawled before him, missing him already. Both Randa and Carel gripped his hands, cooing for him to return to them. "Ah, you nymphs are lovely, but I'm afraid that I must leave you."

"Hatter Tarrant, no, stay, stay with us!"

"Please, we haven't see you in so long…"

"Don't you know how we've missed you? How we've _ached_ for you to come back?"

He swallowed. A part of him wished to live forever in the spell they'd weaved for him, but the larger, more powerful part knew that to remain in their company for too long would end in disaster for it was in a nymph's nature to love a man to death. He shook his head. "I am sorry. You're all wonderful creatures, but I remember what you did to the Knave."

At the mention of the Knave, the nymphs withdrew from him as one, cringing.

"That coward!"

"Don't mention his name to us!"

"Horrible man, so cruel!"

"Had it not been for Nivens, we would still be his prisoner at Salazen Grum."

Hatter nodded, satisfied with this diversion. If they had kept on in their efforts to seduce him, he would be lost. "Yes, yes. And that little parting gift you gave him is sure to last a lifetime." He looked to Alice, who still stood in the doorway. He was happy to see a brighter expression on her face now. "Alice and I must be going. If the Chesshire Cat is to be believed, then there is work to be done on my house."

"Is there any extra room in your house? We would make _most_ agreeable guests."

Hatter closed his eyes for a moment, banishing a rush of thoughts. "Of that I have no doubt, but as I am the hatter to our Lady Mirana, I'll be needing both my eyes to work. Only Alice will be joining me. Fairfarren, ladies."

The Hatter moved toward Alice and offered his arm to her. "Shall we?"


	7. Chapter 7

Though she had come to understand, or at least partially understand the Hatter's madness, Alice doubted if she would ever be able to anticipate his moods. What was it that Mirana had told her? That of all the things in Underland, the Hatter was the most unpredictable.

Well.

Alice was quickly coming to realize the reasoning behind the young queen's warning. Her friend's moods were ever-changing, without a pattern or a direct trigger, so far as she could tell. While the man was typically lucid and upbeat, there were times when darkness came over him, swallowing all his natural joy and crushing it under the weight of unwelcome memories.

She wished it wasn't so, that her friend could be free of that pain, but it was a part of him.

Alice followed the Hatter through the woods, unsure of their destination or even if the man knew where they were going. Any trace of his light mood from the palace had drifted off, leaving the Hatter quiet, yes, but thankfully he was not the despondent stranger he'd been while trying to hide his madness from her.

He was simply...distracted. Alice imagined that he must have much on his mind- but then, he was mad, wasn't he?

They had been walking for a fair bit of the morning already, and the Hatter had stopped several times on the trail to stare off into space. When this happened, Alice would simply stand beside him until the spell passed. She didn't mind; he would come out of the trance with a blink and then simply continue forward down the path as if nothing had happened, cheerful as ever.

But Alice could see past his smiles and the gentle grip he'd kept on her hand through the woods. He wasn't fooling her for a moment. They were to reclaim the home he'd been forced to abandon after the Red Queen had seized power away from her sister, and so the man was swimming in a sea of memory; the happiest scenes recalled were causing him the most pain. And he was in such glorious, exquisite pain.

Alice hadn't touched him or tried to break the trances he'd slipped into as there was no telling how he'd react. She wasn't afraid of the Hatter, she had never been afraid of him, but he always became so ashamed after an outburst; she imagined that going home was difficult enough for him without introducing his humiliation to the equation.

Eventually the trail they had been following opened up into a small, busy village. Alice smiled at the sight of it, for while it was very quaint, it was also very lively. Shops catered every service and the streets were busy with all sorts of creatures- several of them smiled and waved a greeting as they passed. Both Alice and the Hatter waved back, grateful for the friendly reception. There was a kind of music flowing through the village, the music of recovered purpose and hope in the villagers.

"This is a lovely little town, Hatter. Did you grow up here?"

Beside her, he nodded. "Yes, yes. Witzend was home to us all for many generations."

Inwardly, Alice cringed. She believed she knew who "us all" were, and her friend had not reacted well when she'd tried asking him about his family before.

"This is Witzend, then?"

"Yes, we're just east of the White palace- close enough to return the moment the queen has need of us." Hatter's eyes flew over the scene of the village; there was a bittersweet taste coating his tongue.

As the Hatter lead her down a side-street, Alice did notice that, farther off toward the edge of the forest, there was evidence of damage that had taken place years in the unhappy past. She could just make out the charred husk of a building there, surrounded by dead trees with scorched black trunks and piles of ash at their bases.

So, the Red Army had stormed through, but the small town now seemed determined to mend and rebuild. The thought made Alice smile.

They had crossed through the village and had taken up a path through the woods once more. Slightly ahead of her, Alice could hear her friend muttering to himself. "Over the fallen tree, where the branches cross and the stream turns..."

Finally, the Hatter turned a corner and stopped before a large house settled in a clearing of the forest; it was strange, the way the house seemed to simply appear from nothing. Briefly, Alice wondered if it was a spell or some other Underland magic. But the house...

_Hatter, I'm so sorry._

The house stood before them, a great sad thing. Several of its windows were broken, the front yard was overgrown with weeds where it was not barren earth and the house face itself seemed to sag with years of neglect. The tragedy here was that the house was once beautiful, Alice could see it. Still, abandonment had done the house no favors, and the worst was yet to come.

Had they been in England, her mother would surely have turned her nose at such a shabby building.

Alice nudged him, "What is this place?"

Hatter answered her but he did not move his eyes from assessing the run-down house. _This is not my beautiful home. I knew it wouldn't wait for me- and they will not be inside._

"It's been years. Before the Horunvendush Day, this was my house. It still is, I suppose. All mine. Or, it's ours now, for however long you stay."

Alice patted his hand. "It's a lovely house, Hatter."

Her lie rang hollow in the air.

The man moved forward, cringing as the crooked gate scraped on the stone walk. It never used to make such a screeching racket. When he spoke, his voice was making the shift, growing deeper and worlds more somber, tinged with a peculiar accent. "It used to be wonderfully crowded here."

She followed him up the walk and onto the creaking, splintered front porch. Alice swallowed as he brought an ornate key out from his pocket. "I thought you hated crowds." She recalled, thinking of his rant at the Red palace.

Hatter twisted the key into the lock and grunted with effort as he pushed hard against the door. It gave way, coming off one of the hinges as he stumbled forward into the house. Alice followed after him, watching her step as she crossed the threshold.

A disaster greeted them inside. Broken furniture, shattered dishes and ripped books covered the floors. The wallpaper, once perhaps a cheery pattern of pale blue and yellow stripes was now stained and faded, peeling at some corners of the main room and fully torn from others. Burn marks and large holes peppered the walls. All the handiwork of the Red Army. They had left their mark on those who resisted Iracebeth's rule.

_It wasn't like this before, remember? Remember the workshop in the attic where Mortan first trained you and the flowerbeds that Lian planted with Till? And Issa, my Issa… They're all gone now and our house is ruined._

The Hatter was distantly aware of a hand on his shoulder and some quiet words of sympathy. His somber side began speaking mournful poetry without notice. "The kitchen was always filled with food and all the games were good. My family, once here, is now not, all in the claws of the Jabberwocky caught."

"Hatter?"

He blinked, returning to himself and their present circumstance. He didn't want Alice to look at him and see his weakness again. Not here, of all places. He cleared his throat. "Not to worry. I'll find a room for you, Alice. You like windows, do you not?"

Beside him, the girl shifted her weight awkwardly, though she tried to sound upbeat. "Oh, I love windows."

Standing amid the wreckage of a once-happy home, both Alice and her Hatter were doing their best to pretend a feeling of hope. It was very sad.

Hatter clapped his hands, the motion as false as his smile. "Grand! Let's have a look at the garden. It has been some time that I've been home and we had such lovely blossoms this time of the year."

Alice forced a smile to her face. "Lead the way."

______________________________

It was all dry, cracked earth and dusty gray stones that greeted them once they'd made it to the back garden, having side-stepped and climbed over the wreckage inside. Toppled statues buried beneath blankets of dead leaves. The few trees that remained standing were cracked and leafless.

Alice was sure she felt her friend's heart break beside her.

"Oh, Hatter. I'm so sorry." Just words, so small and meaningless to speak them out loud.

The man moved out of her reach, seemingly distracted by the barren garden; in truth he was growing desperate to be away from her. Alice and her pity, let her keep it. He didn't need it, he didn't want it. What he wanted most in the world was far out of reach, but he would be damned if he let Alice see him fall apart again.

_Gone, gone, as you knew it would be- and our guest is witness to all this. Rebuild! Survive! Live on! We'll do it tonight, but the girl must be out of the way. Take care of it._

Hatter blinked, swaying slightly on his feet with the effort it was taking him to restrain his sorrow. "It's all right, Alice. I thought we might find the house in such a state. Her greed was legendary, so why shouldn't she have stolen the flowers? Now...that's right. You stay here, it's safe to explore now. I'll find you a room."

Without another word, the Hatter turned and strode back into the house, slamming the door shut behind him. A moment later she could hear him screaming and slamming the furniture about inside the house.

Her heart clenched with pain. _He's hurting so much, but there's no calming him when he's like this._

It killed her to remain in the garden, listening to her friend cry out his despair, but remain she did. Alice thought to let the Hatter rage alone for a time, to release his pain until he was spent- only then would she go to him and help him rebuild his life.

Was she being selfish, letting the man rage alone in this way? Alice wasn't sure, but the bruises from the night before decided her. Being here, in his destroyed family home...she didn't know if she could calm him the way she had in the past.

Her mind flashed to the ranting madman he'd become on her balcony, and her heart trembled. Not for fear of him, but for pure sadness that such a wonderful man had been so damaged during the Horunvendush Day.

They had met before that day had taken place, and he had been so energetic and charming; the Hatter she knew was that same man, but he was tainted by despair, twisted from it's stain on his soul.

Alice cleared the fallen leaves off a stone bench and took a seat. From inside the house, she could hear him growling _Outlandish_ curses. Her heart dipped for him, knowing that his pain would not disappear by anything she could do for him. It was too much a part of who the Hatter was now.

_Forgive me._

The back door opened and the Hatter strode outside to greet her, the pretended cheerfulness written all over him. His face had gone ashen again, though he was not as leeched with the effort of restraining his madness. No, this was a physical reaction to confronted memories. His voice carried a strange tension that made Alice nervous. "Oh, Alice, what are you doing here?" He blinked. "Did you see the garden?"

It was hopeless, but she tried again for optimism. "I saw that we both have a few days of hard work ahead of us."

He twitched his head to the side. "Yes, yes, I'll do what I can tonight and it will all be well again. But your room is ready now. Leave the rest to me."

She swallowed and looked over his shoulder to the house. "May I see it?"

"Of course! It's just this way."

He lead the way again, and as Alice stepped inside, she was surprised to see that he had cleared a path through the wreckage, pushing most of it against the far wall, leaving the main room space free to get to the kitchen, the stairs and the entrances.

Perhaps encouragement would settle his temper.

"You made a great start, Hatter."

"Such a lot of work to be done, but I can make everything wonderful again- you'll see. They'll all see and then things will go back to the way they were. It will all be right again."

Alice wasn't sure how to reply to him, for he still appeared gripped by memory. She swallowed once more and followed him down a hallway, to a plain white door.

Hatter paused a moment before opening the door to the room beyond. He stepped aside to allow Alice first entry.

Stepping inside, Alice brought her hands to her chest as a smile bloomed across her face. "Oh, my..."

The room was decorated in the same erratic way as the rest of his cozy house, though there was a definite feminine flair to the space. The walls were splashed with shades of pink and yellow, with the bay windows looking out over the dead garden. Small, crooked pictures lined the wall, surrounding the room. The Hatter had thrown a fresh blanket and pillows over the narrow bed and placed a chipped vase on the dark wood writing desk against the far wall. It was an impressive sight compared to the rest of the house.

She turned to him, full of praise. "Hatter, it's lovely. This room is just beautiful."

His eyes were wavering over the sight of _her_ standing there in _that_ room. It was at once both right and wrong to him, yet another conflict he struggled to reconcile in his mind. His heart.

He remained standing in the doorway, watching as she ventured further into the room to run her fingertips over the blanket, which was very soft, he remembered, and as she stepped closer to the window the sun is making her hair light up like fine gold thread and there now she's touching the vase that was once a gift to-

_Stop!_

"I will make you a set of curtains so you won't have to look at the dead garden. This room was the least damaged and so it was the easiest to fix. It belonged to…a friend of mine. I'm happy that you like it." He could feel a familiar tightness building in his throat, and though he had just claimed happiness, he found it hurt him to smile.

Memory was building within him, rising like bile in a soured stomach. It was a different wailing this time, he knew, just as he knew that Alice had to be safe from him when he finally allowed the veil over his past to be lifted.

_I can't have her...can't have her see, no, no...ah. The tea._

It took an effort, but the Hatter drew himself up and managed to form a plan in his mind. He usually regarded deciet with distaste, but this was all for Alice.

"You must be getting tired. I'll bring you something to eat." He started to turn down the hall, intent for the kitchen.

Alice glanced up. "You don't have to do that."

Hatter spun around at her, his voice suddenly loud and very manic. "But I do! I am your host, am I not?"

She stepped back from him on impulse, trying to keep her voice level to calm him. "I…yes, I suppose you are, this is your house. It's all yours."

Hatter jabbed his finger toward the room, that tension rising in his voice once more. "Hightopp manor is all mine because there is no one left to claim it now. Rest, Alice. I'll bring you a little something and all will be well again!"

_______________________________

Alice could hear the Hatter rattling through the kitchen of the house, though she would find herself surprised if he was able to salvage an unbroken saucer, nevermind a full tea service. And the house, this poor house. It was no effort for her to imagine that it must have been a full, happy home once. She wanted him to tell her of his loss, but it was too soon. She could feel it.

 _I can't pressure him now, here of all places- best to do as he says so as not to upset him. I know he's on the edge as it is,_ she thought to herself as she took a closer look at one of the little framed pictures on the wall across from her bed.

She resolved herself to restrain her curiosity, as the last thing she wanted was to set off another of her friend's fits- she feared that his rage may fly to new heights now that the Hatter had learned what became of his family home.

And his family. Alice wanted to know all about them, but again, she had to keep her curiosity on a short leash. She felt sure that he would explain all about them when he was ready. They were close friends, weren't they?

He knocked gently on the door before entering with a chipped teapot and a teacup with a broken handle. He set them both before her on the writing desk and pulled out the chair for her, gesturing for her to have a seat.

"Here you are, Alice, perfect for teatime. I hope you like strawberry tea, I made it just for you."

_Drink, drink, drink it!_

Alice schooled her features into an expression of gratitude, even though she was becoming very worried. He was her friend and she did trust him, only...

Alice sat down and took a light sip of the tea. It was unnerving to have him stand over her as he was, but she planned to simply do as he asked. The gentle sweetness of strawberries tickled her tongue.

"Oh, it is very good."

The Hatter watched her closely as she sipped at it, his eyes following her every move as she lifted the cup. Alice glanced down to note that his hands were shaking. His whole form seemed to be containing a storm of tension. He nodded eagerly. "I am so glad that you like it. Alice, I need you to stay in your room for the night."

She looked up. "What?"

Inside, the Hatter was struggling to organize his rattling thoughts; for him it was a fierce battle of will over emotion. He had been avoiding Hightopp manor for years out of fear of what he would find, and now that he had made it home there were things he had to do, but he could do nothing before the eyes of his most cherished guest.

He swayed slightly with the effort it took to keep himself outwardly calm, even as his heart was tearing in two. _Just look at her! Can't you see it?! This is all your doing, you knew it from the start! Alice looks just-_

"I'm not…take a rest, Alice. You must be tired."

Alice shook her head- something was clearly wrong with him, so why was he keeping up this pretense of the gracious host?

"Hatter, stop-"

Hatter blinked rapidly and then looked at her, focusing his vision and so focusing his thoughts. Her pretty face clouded with concern for him. For him!

His thoughts rushed into a straight line, cracking into sharp, fixed clarity. He swallowed and kneeled before her. He reached to take her hands into his; he loved that she gave him her hands without hesitating.

He began speaking slowly, wholly sincere. "Listen to me, Alice, please. I need you to bolt the door behind me and stay in this room for the night, no matter what you hear. I'm- I'm afraid of what I'll do."

"What's happening to you?" Her eyes were wide, afraid for him.

_He looks so awful, oh, Hatter, what can I do to help you?_

The man's veneer was slipping, giving Alice a startling glimpse of the battle taking place within. As he spoke, his voice was transitioning between the lucid and the deranged.

"I'm...Tarrant has come home to an empty house. And you will sleep very well here in this room. Alice, it's been a long day, has it not? You must be wishing for a rest. The bed, the bed, take a nap but don't leave this room." The Hatter shook his head before continuing, "He doesn't want you to be...we have to see this through now, Alice, and you must promise to throw the bolt after I leave this room. Can you make this promise?!" He demanded.

Alice did not know what else she could do, so she nodded.

The Hatter immediately smiled, recovering somewhat at her agreement.

With Alice safely tucked away in this room, he would be free to confront everything that had been haunting him. He looked forward to it; for too long his anguish had resided within himself, and now he would have a proper sit-down with it and he would decide for himself how to live.

The Hatter's only concern was for the girl; he couldn't have her see him in such a state, and he couldn't trust himself not to frighten her away.

"Well then, I'm sure you must be tired. Have a rest, Alice. The tea will help you sleep, and don't forget to bolt the door!" He stood abruptly and left the room, closing the door behind him.

Growing more confused by the second, Alice shook her head. Why did her mind suddenly feel so sluggish? She set her half-empty cup aside and bolted the door behind the Hatter, wondering for a moment if he had been waiting in the hall just outside, waiting for her to turn the lock.

When she turned back toward the room, Alice swayed on her feet, stumbling her way to the bed.

_What's happening to the Hatter? Why is he acting so...so mad...I can't understand it..._

Her last thoughts trailed away as she slipped into a deep, black sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

Her dreams were fevered rushes of thought flying past her eyes; the smiling cat, the dodo bird and the twins- she could see them all, hear their words run together into a deafening tide of sound.

"Alice Kingsleigh, will you be my wife?"

"It's you!"

"I like you, Um."

Alice stared at the ceiling, both awake and asleep in the land of dreams. Her lashes fluttered as her mind slid in and out of sleep's cloying grasp. In a way, she was aware of being in a dream, and she didn't mind one bit. The Hatter had been right, it had been a long day and she was tired, so tired…but there was a sense of something not quite right tickling the back of her mind. Something about her sleep, her dreams, was _off._

Her body felt drained of all energy, lethargic, it was as if she had grown very old and very fat all at once; and while her body remained anchored on the bed, Alice's mind had become a slippery thing, wandering between thoughts and memories, curling in and out of dreams, she was lost and unable to focus.

There was a crashing noise just above her room, and Alice started awake, gasping at the air. It was a strange sensation, to be startled out of such a deep trance. She awoke, confused and frightened, for her heart pounded in her chest, even while her limbs tingled painfully from lack of motion. _What-?! Where am I? What just…?_

Awareness was returning to her, crawling through the molasses of her exhausted mind.

_Something about Hatter- he was…where did he go…?_

Alice blinked in the darkness, dragging the back of her hand across her mouth. Her eyes were slow to adjust, but she knew where she was. She knew the feel of this room, the scent of the house. Still, she was surprised to find herself sprawled atop the covers of the bed that the Hatter had declared as her own. She didn't recall-

_The Hatter, I remember…he wanted me to stay inside…where's he gone?_

Wait. Back up.

There had been a noise, a loud crash somewhere outside her room, above her, she thought. That crash had been the only reason she'd pulled herself out of the heavy sleep. Her first thought was of a Bandersnatch, but no. The Bandersnatch had gone off into the wild after the Frabjous Day. The noise had come from inside the house, from somewhere above her.

It took an effort, but Alice sat up. She shook her head and felt the room spin, the ground tilting beneath her feet. She groaned and cradled her head in her hands, trying to will away the dizziness by taking deep breaths. Long ago and in a world far away, Alice had been dared into sipping down a glass of her mother's red wine; it had been another ten years before she'd even tasted wine again, but from that day on, Alice had learned never to take the dare.

But why this disoriented sensation? The sick trembling of her stomach? She wasn't a girl sneaking her first drink, she was a grown woman, and all she'd had was-

The tea.

The Hatter. Did he…had he somehow drugged the tea to make her sleep?

_He was so insistent that I stay in the room and go to sleep- but why? How could he…?_

Alice shivered at the thought of him doing such a thing to her. Taking advantage of her trust, drugging her, leaving her-

In a flash of panic, Alice stood up and inspected herself. She had heard so many stories of foreign cads ruining respectable girls by plying them with wine and then…

No. He hadn't touched her.

She shook her head and sank back to sit on the edge of her bed. No, no. It was too ridiculous to even consider; truly a horrible thought. Her Hatter was a man, Alice supposed, but things like that were different in Underland, weren't they? She didn't feel any different, and she knew there was no reason why she should. It had just been a flash of thought, a moment of stupidity that meant nothing at all.

The Hatter had done nothing to her, not a damn thing.

Alice felt a clenching on her heart: guilt for suspecting her friend of such a horror, even for a moment. He deserved better than that from her, or, she thought he did. But he had betrayed her trust- the one thing she'd believed him to be incapable of doing.

Perhaps she did not know her friend as well as she'd thought.

There was a thump and a rattle coming from above her room, a scraping noise that crawled along the length of her ceiling- it sounded as if he was moving furniture in the room above hers.

Alice frowned to herself and glanced about her room. It was dark, but she could just make out the shapes of the bookshelf on the wall, the dead trees beyond her window, and the writing desk which was not in the least like a raven. The Hatter had put this neat, pretty room together for her; he'd given her a place in his home and in his life.

Wait in her room? Just go back to sleep? No. She could not do what her friend had asked. Her recovered _muchness_ would not allow it.

Something was not right with the Hatter, Alice could feel it.

It was beyond his playful, gentle madness. This cut him deep, right to the core. Coming back to his family home and being the last of that family…the man was breaking. His heart, his mind and spirit. Alice thought then, that the Hatter must have asked her to stay on in Underland with him to help him heal, to get through to him in a way that Mirana had not.

The White Queen had given her blessing and her hopes that Alice might heal her long lost friend; Alice would not disappoint the great Lady Mirana and she would not stand by and watch the Hatter lose himself to despair.

Taking hold of a small candle, the young woman stood once more and moved to the door, slipping out of her room and carefully following the noise. Through the leading shadows of the house, Alice could see that the Hatter had been working for several hours, clearing, cleaning and repairing, his manic energies hooked into rebuilding his lost home.

The main space of the house, the large living room, was nearly clear out- the windows were now boarded, set to be fitted with new frames at a later date. Yes, the man had been hard at work. But where had he gone?

More noise again, this time accompanied by a muffled groan.

Alice swallowed down her nerves and followed the sounds. She crept up a winding staircase to the second floor of the house, and then paused outside of a room she thought to be just about above her own. It was difficult fo her to tell as the corridors seemed to cross overhead, but the rapid sound of shattering of glass from inside the room confirmed her suspicions. The Hatter had to be inside.

Alice leaned forward and held her breath as she peered into the crack of the doorframe.

The room was lit only by an oil lamp in the corner of the room; Alice cupped her hand over the tiny flame of her candle in case he turned and realized that there was an unwelcome witness to his pain.

_Oh, Hatter…_

She could see her friend rocking back and forth, shivering beside his tophat, the assorted pins and feathers he'd added to it spread out over the floor. Alice could not see the face behind his bandaged hands, but she knew. Her poor Hatter was crying and muttering to himself, his voice a twisted blend of all the madmen sharing his mind.

Alice dropped her eyes and stepped away from the door out of respect.

It all made sense now. The Hatter had wanted her asleep in the room downstairs so that she would not be witness to this, his private turmoil. Her friend was heartbroken and too embarrassed to share the pain that had been haunting him for so long.

Her eyes stung with the sudden welling of tears. Everything in her was compelled to go to him, to put her arms around him and give anything she could to comfort him, to ease his heartache, to bring back his charm and joy.

But Alice could not confront him with her open arms; he'd flown into a rage when she had asked him about the Horunvendush Day, what might he do if he knew that she had broken her promise and seen what he'd tried to keep hidden?

The woman wanted him calm and bright, the Hatter she knew and loved best. To go to him with a broken promise and the probing questions into his past, well…her arms still ached with the bruises from his last rage, and she now knew him to be capable of more than she had first assumed. The Hatter could become dangerous if not handled properly.

 _Best to sleep on it,_ Alice decided. _I will speak to him in the morning._

From inside the room, Alice could hear him crying harder, chanting strange words mixed with apologies. "Lian, Till, Mortan, Issa…I'm sorry, I didn't know…"

Alice only wanted to comfort her friend, but he didn't want her. Not yet.

It pained her to do so, but Alice quietly turned back and returned to her room.

______________________________

Alice awoke early in the morning, before the first of the sunrise touched the sky. She simply laid in bed for a few moments, pondering over what she would say to the Hatter. She was not angry with him for giving her the tea that made her sleep; she understood now that he had been trying to protect her from his rage, that his actions were those of a man desperate to hide his sorrow.

Where he might have hoped to be cured of his despair on the passing of the Frabjous Day, his condition had only gotten worse at any mention of his dead family. And since stepping foot into this place, the defiled home of clan Hightopp, the man had remained trapped in the pain of his loss.

It seemed that for all his madness, the Hatter was a proud man, for while he might have drugged Alice to protect her from his errupting rage, he was also protecting himself from the humiliation of having a witness to his private affair.

But Alice, she of the recovered _muchness,_ the slayer of the Jabberwocky…she could not allow this to go on. Alice cared for her Hatter, she could not live with him and watch as sorrow overcame him. If she ignored this problem, it would eat the Hatter alive right before her eyes.

_I know you'll be angry with me, Hatter, but I care about you too much to let you do this to yourself._

She stood from the bed and went to the door, unlocking it and stepping into the hallway.

"How did-?"

It was impossible. The main space of the house had been cleared and cleaned, the walls stripped and scrubbed, thoroughly clean. The room seemed a cavern, empty and soulless.

"I did it. Couldn't sleep very well last night."

Alice turned and found the Hatter sitting at the far end of the manor's long kitchen table. The table, the chairs, the floors and every surface that Alice could see looked good as new; it was as if the Hatter had traded houses entirely as she'd slept. She would have commented on the state of the place had the situation been different.

The Hatter's head was down and he seemed to be staring at his hands, gently folded as they were on the tabletop. There was a grave veil of everything morose hanging over him.

Looking down, Alice saw that the man had deconstructed his tophat once again, laying out all of the hatpins, the peacock feather and the floral sash he typically tied about its base. It was all spread out on the surface of the table like an appraised collection.

A chipped teacup was just beside his elbow; within it, cinnamon tea was slowly cooling, its scent curling through the room.

Alice tensed only for a moment but steeled herself to go forward. He had to be confronted. It was a risk, but this could not go on.

She crossed the room and came to stand just behind his chair. There was no hesitation as Alice leaned down and curled her arms over the Hatter, going so far as to lean her chin over on his shoulder. He tensed slightly at her touch, unsure, but he did not try to move away from her. It was an encouraging start.

One of Alice's hands lifted to stroke through his hair, an effort to keep the wild man calm as she spoke to him.

"You must tell me what's bothering you, Hatter. Does this house hold too many memories for you to be happy here? If it does, we can go back to the White palace, I know Mirana would have us back."

He said nothing, he only swallowed in discomfort.

Alice pressed on, "You can tell me what really happened that day, you know. You can tell me why you've changed. And you have changed, you're not the same man I met as a girl. A part of that man remains, but the rest of you has gone darker. I know you want to tell me, Hatter. You must want to talk to someone. All of that pain inside you, that anger, it will only grow if you continue to hold it inside. And it will keep rising, spilling out to the surface in the fits you have, hurting you and hurting others." She paused for a moment, but decided that the truth must be said. "I lied before, you did hurt me that night on the balcony."

The Hatter made a sound, but Alice could not discern any meaning from it. Because of her position behind him, she could not see the ashen color of his face. Her hand kept on with its smooth stroking motions over his hair.

"I know you're angry with me for speaking of this, for poking my nose in, but I don't care. I had to say something, because you're my friend. I care about you, Hatter, and I won't stand by and watch you make yourself sick from what guilt you carry from that day." Alice took a deep breath and felt the sting of salt in her eyes. It was hard to say the words, and her heart was clenching, yet it had to be done. Her hand moved down from stroking his hair to rest on his shoulder.

"But I promise you, I will not stay with you if it goes on like this, with you slipping a sleeping draught into my tea as a way to hide yourself from me." In her arms, Alice could feel the tension building in her friend's shoulders, the slight tremble in his muscles. Still, he did not try to escape her words or embrace.

"Please, Hatter. We came all this way and you've brought me into your home. Now it's time to let me in."

The man in her arms was breathing deep and hard, but the Hatter said nothing. Alice waited, but no words came forth from her friend. So. Silence was his answer.

Alice closed her eyes for a moment, a sorrow stealing over her. She still had the Jabberwocky's blood, and if she did not have the Hatter, then what did Underland mean to her?

She realized it then. _Nothing._

Underland would mean nothing to her without the Hatter. He was her closest friend, or, she'd thought him to be. He had convinced her to stay in his world and then in his home, but if he could not trust her to know him fully, then why would she stay?

Her words had been true and clear, giving Hatter the choice. And he was still silent.

So, it was to be _fairfarren,_ then.

Through her tears, Alice leaned forward. She had never kissed a man other than her father, but she kissed the gaunt, ashen cheek of the Hatter, her friend. Her voice was barely above a whisper as she released him from her hold. "Goodbye, Hatter."

She stepped away from him then, intent to head back to her room, to dig into her satchel, to bring out the vial of Jabberwocky blood and-

"Some years ago, we were the clan Hightopp."

Alice turned. The Hatter had stood from his chair and braced his arms on the table. Her eyes met his, and she saw worlds of sadness there, but no trace of the man's rage. She said nothing. She wanted him to go on.

"It was Horunvendush Day, and Lady Mirana had called for a festival in the town square. There were games and dancing. The whole town was there, with music and flowers, and I made a new hat for Issa just for the day. And then the Jabberwocky came. And the Knave stole the sword. And Iracebeth stole the crown. And they were stolen from me in the fire. And I…they were gone. Lady Mirana needed me, they yelled for me to save her and I did. I saved her so that she might make things right again. Not for me, but for the others."

Alice took a step closer to him. "Tell me."

His eyes were welling with tears, but he went on as she'd asked. Hatter was her slave, now. He would do anything she asked, so long as she did not leave him. "They…there was so much smoke and noise, and everyone was running. I was afraid, but the court protects the queen- always. And Mirana was my friend, I couldn't leave her. I took the reins of the White Queen's horse to help her escape when I should have been trying to help my own…I am the last of us, but I haven't been alone."

The Hatter gestured to his hat, the pins and the scarf laid out on the table. "They have been here with me all this time. I keep them close. You wanted to know, so look, Alice, look." He lifted the longest hatpin, a bronze needle topped with a decorative swirl. "This was my father's, he taught me the trade. I found this on the ground after that day. I went back there and found their things. The world was changed into a place of fear and anger. I was changed. I could feel it and I was afraid that the others might see the change in me. I wanted to die rather than live on, alone. Lady Mirana convinced me to live for them, to carry them with me."

The man fell silent as his eyes roamed over the collection of pins.

"And this," Hatter selected a thinner gold pin this time, topped with a flat circle perhaps the size of a penny. The initials _L.H._ were engraved on one side of the circle. "My sister's. I made hats for them all, you see, and I gave them their special pins. Such a small thing at one time, and now it is all I have left of them." The Hatter sank into a chair at the table.

His mind was fading, moving away from the direct and more toward wistful desolation. The pain remained, but the rage at the core of that pain was thankfully dampened for a time. This wasn't what he'd wanted. The Frabjous Day was supposed to have ended his pain for all time, to return him to the way he was, the man he was when Alice first came to Underland.

And Alice.

When he had asked her to stay with him at his house...he'd thought it would look just as he'd remembered it, that nothing might have changed within its cheery walls. The Hatter looked into the empty space of the living room and could see no trace of the house he'd shared with the others. But perhaps this was just a house, and he only remembered it as a happy place because his family had once lived there. And perhaps Alice sharing the house with him would not be enough to chase away the pain he'd been carrying. This was not Frabjous Day, and she was only a girl now, not an armored champion. Perhaps more was needed.

The Hatter swallowed, realizing that Alice alone could not conquer his grief for him.

"It isn't meant to be this way, Alice. It's not right. A family, a clan isn't meant to be broken by such a thing as anger between royal sisters. But we were and now I am the last. And she's gone. I have to fix it, somehow. But I don't know if I can. This is bigger than a riddle." The Hatter rubbed at his face.

"To kill all but one, leaving him to carry the legacy…it is a very unhappy thing to be left alone, Alice."

The man felt a small, warm hand come over his shoulder. "You're not alone, Hatter."


	9. Chapter 9

Her words hung in the air.

The Hatter was not alone.

His family had been ripped away from him in a vicious attack, leaving the man broken, but he wasn't alone. Never that. Hatter would never be alone so long as there were people who cared for him, and Alice realized then that she would care for him even if everyone else in Underland fell away.

He was her friend, and more.

Alice moved closer to the Hatter, twining her arms over his shoulders from her place behind his chair once more. Fresh tears welled in her eyes, for him. She cried for her friend, for the losses he suffered, for the man he might have been if his family had but lived through that day. Compassion pulled her to him, her soul wishing only to give all that she had. Her arms curled around him, giving any strength and comfort she had on offer to her friend.

It happened, then.

The Hatter's tense frame relaxed in her arms, a silent acceptance of all she had to give. He did not protest or pull away from her. The man had told her of his past, shared the secret of the family he'd kept close with his hat; holding him, sharing herself to ease his pain, Alice knew it had been worth the risk.

They embraced, two people, alone in this empty tomb of a house.

It was new to her, to initiate contact with a man. In England, it wasn't proper as decorum demanded distance between the sexes, lest a girl be thought of as wanton.

Hang the rules, the Hatter needed her. Despite her hesitance, Alice knew that no matter how improper her actions might have been in London, what she did in Underland was entirely her choice and more importantly, what she was doing was _right._

But Alice's feelings were not the only ones to be considered.

For his part, the Hatter felt only conflict. Something was happening; he remembered the strange, heated feeling he'd had for her at the White palace, and while this was different, this... _sensation_ falling over him was equally unnerving.

His eyes slipped closed, sinking back against her as a small sigh of contentment escaped his lips. He felt at peace with her. Alice's embrace was so warm and welcoming, and her arms were drawing him in, giving him the safe haven that he had known once in his life...but that had been many years and even more tears ago, gone, never to be had again.

And certainly not with Alice.

The girl blinked as Hatter patted her arm and hurriedly stood from his chair. "Thank you, Alice. I…I'll clean up this mess and then we-"

"Hatter, it's not a mess. This is your family." Alice stepped closer to the table and took up a long gold hatpin tipped in the shape of a diamond. "Tell me, whose was this?"

His eyes turned sharp. "Put that down."

Immediately, Alice set the pin back on the table with great care. She had to remember, all he had left of his family was the flair he kept so close, and so he would be intensely protective. It was only right; any damage done to the pins would be an affront to his clan. She had to be more careful when she touched his things, there was no telling now what would happen if she upset him.

"I'm sorry, Hatter."

His expression softened, instantly regretful. He opened his hands to her. "You must apologize for nothing, Alice. I am to blame for it all, I pull the world down on myself. I will tell you more about my clan, and it will be like we're all together again. I know that they would have loved you…" The Hatter's eyes seemed to lose focus for a moment, and he began to blink rapidly before focusing on her once more. Hatter looked her up and down, clearly disapproving of what he saw. "…but not in those clothes."

Alice raised her eyebrow and then looked down at the wrinkled lavender dress she'd been wearing since the morning of the day before at the White palace. "What? There's nothing wrong with this dress."

The Hatter's mood was changing again, all trace of the intimacy between them was sinking in the coming tide of his energetic, joyful self. "Your clothes! I promised you new dresses when you came to my house, and lo, here we are and so you are due a few new frocks!"

She shook her head, "No, that's not what I want-"

"Nonsense, I know how fond women are of new clothes! And you have nothing else to wear, do you?"

"Well, no, but I-"

The Hatter stood and quickly reassembled his tophat, deftly slipping the pins back into the material, wrapping the scarf about its base and last but certainly not least, he secured the cherished peacock feather on the side.

"You cannot stay in the same clothes all the time, not even in Underland. Look there, the sun is risen and so the shops will soon open. And you are Alice. I will craft dresses that will make you the envy of the queen."

He took her hands, his expression now intensely serious. To her surprise, the Hatter moved to kneel on one knee before her. "I must ask you something. How do you feel about…purple?"

Alice blinked. "Purple?"

Hatter rose to stand, shaking his head. "No, no, you're right, of course. Like all colors, everything depends on the shade, the most precise of hues- where I would like a deep violet for you, it would not work. It would not be _you,_ Alice, you see? There is no darkness in you, so the color would revolt."

He pointed at her, blinking rapidly as a new idea formed in his mind. "You _are_ all the lighter shades, though. And blue! Yes, it must be blue. You came to Underland as a girl in blue and returned to me as a woman in the same shade. It is your color, only yours! I will make you one dress with blues as blue as your eyes and the sky and…and another in yellow. Yes! I'll make you a day frock of pale yellow just like your hair."

The Hatter smiled, thinking how lovely she would look in the dresses he would make, and he even went so far as to touch her hair, letting its golden length slip through his fingers. His mind drifted again as he touched her, lost for a moment as some new thing stirred in his chest.

Alice sighed lightly, "You're impossible, Hatter!"

Hatter's attention snapped back to the present. "Yes, but only if you believe me to be. Put on your boots, Alice, for we must go to town."

______________________________

It was a new day of bright morning light burning away the night's fog and flaring through the dew left behind in its wake. Alice breathed in the sweet air and smiled to herself as she saw a few colorful birds flitting together on the branches of one of the manor's many dead trees. A good omen, she thought.

A butterfly glided past. She was tempted to call out to it, but that butterfly was the shade of burnt pudding, not the bright blue of Absolem.

Alice followed behind the Hatter as he walked back to his village of Witzend. She was glad to see him so light and happy again after the sadness she'd witnessed in his home. Secretly, she thought that the man might be relieved to be away from the house and the crushing memories it carried within its walls.

Just as they'd stepped outside of the house, Hatter's mood had changed so completely from the grief of the past day that Alice felt as if she'd gone back in time to their very first meeting; he was so lighthearted that even his clothes appeared brighter. The Hatter walked beside her and had even offered his arm to her, the same way a London gentleman might, and Alice was only too happy to accept.

The natural washes of color on his face were brighter, a perfect reflection of his joyful charm.

Alice couldn't help but to comment, "You're in a good mood, now, I'm glad to see you've come back."

Hatter nodded and skipped for a few steps. "Yes, yes! I promised to take you to town, and now here we are- and you'll see I keep my promises. Soon you'll have a wardrobe of dresses and a garden full of flowers. Our house will be so happy."

"Dresses and flowers don't always make for a happy home, though."

He nodded again, his thoughts spinning. "But a happy woman does, they bring light into all the dark rooms. And I know how women love dresses and flowers. With everything you need here, you'll have no need of any other place and you'll stay in Underland!"

Alice stopped her walk beside him, startled. Unnoticing of her shock, the Hatter continued on down the trail. She blinked several times, feeling a sinking dread in the pit of her stomach. In many ways she had already forgotten her obligation to her own world; it had been easy, frighteningly easy to forget the responsibilities that awaited her in London. Too easy to forget her world and her family.

_How could I have forgotten everything? All of it just fell from my mind..._

But the Hatter had moved ahead on the path, and Alice jogged to catch up to his long stride.

Hatter had been humming, but he paused at the end of the trail and seemed to be confused as he stared at the rows of new buildings and the various people and creatures bustling about the shops and stores.

Witzend was a different place than he recalled.

Alice touched his arm. "Hatter, are you all right?"

He blinked at her. "Yes, yes, I'm fine. It's only…I haven't been home in years, and Witzend has gone through many changes."

"Do you know where to go?"

At her question, the Hatter laughed. "No, I don't. Follow me!"

He started off in the direction of a bakery, and all Alice could do was follow him into this new adventure.

______________________________

They had passed by a butcher shop, a bookstore, a florist and an apothecary before the Hatter stopped outside a café and turned to her. "Alice, would you like breakfast? I'm sorry, there was nothing at the house to give you."

She raised a brow at him. "Nothing except for your strawberry tea."

The man winced at the mention of his deceit. The roiling mass of his emotions turned, with remorse flaring through him painfully. He couldn't let Alice think he would do such a thing again, because he wouldn't. On his honor, he wouldn't!

Hatter took her hands and bowed his head. "I am sorry for that. Truly. I felt I had to protect you, and I could think of no other way."

Alice shook her head. "Hatter, there is nothing to protect me from. I told you, you don't have to hide yourself from me. And so long as that's the last time you trick me, then there isn't anything to forgive."

The Hatter's eyes met hers, then, and his heart clenched. Something inside of him was pulling, and in that moment he wanted to-

Just for a moment he felt a warm, thrilling veil come over him. What was it? Both familiar and different...he wondered if Alice could feel it too.

He wanted to ask her, but she pulled her hands from his, casting it all aside. Alice motioned to the cafe. "Shall we?"

Hurriedly, Hatter blinked away the feeling, and nodded, following her inside.

______________________________

After a quick breakfast of peach tea and scones, the Hatter renewed his search for a dress shop. His determination matched that of the bloodhound, Bayard. He had to find a dress shop, he'd promised Alice! There had been just such a shop in Witzend, years ago. Hatter remembered it clearly in his mind, as he'd spent much time there admiring the owner.

The mistress who owned the shop had been so gifted with a needle and thread that the Hatter had often been humbled by her superior skills. And she'd teased him, too. Once she had offered him an apprenticeship, even though she was younger than him by a fair few years. The memory brought a pained smile to his face.

That had been so long ago. Their world had been a different place, then.

"If that isn't Tarrant Hightopp!"

Hatter tensed on instinct, and whirled around to face what he'd thought to be a threat. _Protect Alice! Fight for White!_ But his sudden rush of aggression was calmed the moment he recognized the body that housed the voice.

Alice stood to the side as Hatter smiled widely and approached a rather pink-cheeked older woman. The bustling crowd moved around the tender reunion in the street.

"Miri? Oh, Miri, it is you!" Hatter cried. He moved forward and gently hugged the woman.

For her part, the woman seemed both relieved and slightly nervous to see him. "Tarrant, I don't believe it. I haven't seen you since that terrible day…so, is it just you, then?"

Her question was clear, and the Hatter's smile faded.

Alice looked away so she wouldn't see his sorrowful expression. Didn't her friend deserve a day's reprieve from the pain of his past?

"Yes."

Miri dropped her eyes and nodded, understanding his sad, simple answer.

There was a beat of respectful silence for the dead before Hatter moved to put his hand on Alice's shoulder. "But I am not alone. This is Alice, the-"

Miri looked up, " _The_ Alice! You are…you slayed the Jabberwocky! Come in, come in, my dear." Alice noticed for the first time that they were all standing before a storefront and the woman was ushering them inside. As they passed the threshold, both Hatter and Alice glanced at each other and smiled.

The store was a fabric shop, with rows and rows of standing wool, of silk, of tweed, linen and scroll cotton lining the floor, while a corner table carrying boxes of colorful glass beads, streaming ribbons, buttons of all shapes, decorative feathers, everything Hatter had been hoping to find.

He put his hand on Alice's arm and leaned in to whisper, "When I'm finished, you will outshine the queen. I promise you."

Miri smiled lightly at Alice. Never had she thought that the champion, the very savior of their world would walk into her little shop! The woman could hardly contain her excitement as she looped her arm through Alice's, and gave in to her natural urge toward chatter. "My goodness, there are so many rumors flying in and out of Underland that it's impossible to know which things said about you are true!"

"People speak of me?" Honestly, the thought hadn't occured to Alice. She'd expected it to be known what took place on the Frabjous Day, but not to the point of far-reaching gossip.

Miri nodded happily. "From Snud to Qeast, yes, you're famous! And who would have thought you'd taken to hiding out in our little town- I would have thought you'd both elected to stay on at Marmoreal. Is it true that you came from another world?"

Alice shrugged. "In a way, yes."

Miri guided Alice through the shop, past the brightly dressed mannequins and the measuring table, her excitement and admiration growing with each step. "A different world, just think of it! You must tell me all about it! Tarrant, you can help yourself to anything you want," Miri called over her shoulder as she guided Alice toward the back rooms of the shop.

"Thank you, Miri," Hatter said absently as he pulled a fabric sample and began to test its quality.

A moment later and he'd forgotten all about the two women, so intense was his focus on finding the perfect fabric to pair with the perfect ribbon and beads- all in the perfect colors, of course.

The Hatter knew, perhaps better than anyone, that the perfect shade of blue could right all the wrongs in the world.

____________________

"You know, when Tarrant passed by the window, I could hardly believe my eyes! It's been so long, but his isn't a face you can forget all that easily." Miri chattered as she poured Alice her third up of tea.

"I suppose not." She replied absently.

Miri had been talking almost nonstop since guiding Alice to a small sitting space. They were in the back of the shop, where delicate alterations were made to tailor-fit the client, be it a girl a man or a fish in need of a tuxedo. Alice looked around herself and sighed lightly. The Hatter was probably still picking out patterns while she was stuck with this stranger.

And what made Miri so strange was that, to Alice's eyes at least, she appeared every bit a normal woman from London. Her skin was pale and only carried a few crow's feet about the eyes, her hair was a soft brown and her day dress was a cheerful spring green. Miri was the first person in Underland who Alice could say was less than bizarre, which only made the woman stand out more in such a world.

 _In a land of peacocks, this pigeon stands as most distinctive,_ Alice thought.

"But then, that coloring ran in his family for so long. I only meant that I haven't seen a Hightopp in years, and Tarrant might have been the brightest in that bunch. It's probably his hair, but so many hatters become stained from the trade. And he's the only one left, is he?"

"That's what he told me," Alice said. She wished that Hatter would finish his selection, for she was growing impatient.

"Such a shame, what that Red Queen did, and all those people! The Hightopps were a wonderful family- and such talent, I promise, you will never see a family with more talent in craft. Tarrant can make the most beautiful hats, but if anyone ever had need of a fine dress, then they would go to Issa. She'd even had her own shop, once. For shoes it would be Mortan, for a sword it would be Val- it was he who made the Vorpal sword, you know." Miri confided.

"He hasn't told me much about his family." Alice said.

She glanced over her shoulder to the shop floor, and wondered what Hatter had found. Then again, with all his random trains of thought, he'd probably wandered off to the bakery and was eating a cake by himself and wouldn't remember her until he'd licked away the last crumbs.

"Yes, well, I doubt if he can, what with his madness. It's been years since I've seen him, but he hasn't lost a bit of the craziness I remember. As for his family, it would hardly be fair to ask him to relive the Horunvendush Day, would it? He became a widower and an orphan all at once, the most terrible day in Underland."

Alice nodded distractedly, until Miri's words caught up with her, and she choked on her tea, coughing painfully. "I'm- I'm sorry, what did you-?"

"Ah, there you two are!" Hatter smiled as he came into the tiny back room. "Miri, I believe that I have all I need, and I really must thank you. Alice, if you're ready to return?"

______________________________

Alice's mind had been in a fog since leaving Miri's remarkable shop; Hatter suspected only that she was tired and might need a rest once they returned to the manor. He was not eager to return there, but he found that his sense of dread had been greatly lessened since speaking with Alice about his past.

Could she be right? That all his pain might be lessened through sharing words? He wasn't sure.

The sudden thought of Alice leaving Underland gripped him, but Hatter fought it away. No, she would not leave, not after all the dresses he would make her! No, she'd have to be mad to.-

Hatter opened the door and lead his guest inside. Just looking about the empty space of his house caused a shudder of pain to ring in his chest; he didn't want to live through it all again. His eyes still hurt from crying in the night, and his spirit still felt heavier than it should have. Perhaps a diet?

The only safe distraction, the only cure he knew of, was the work. Hatter had made a promise to Alice to make her dresses and he would start at once, crafting her frocks of such azure blue, of such bright sunny yellow that she would dance in the garden with him, and it would be her happiness that would bring forth Lian's missing flower blossoms! Yes, Alice could make the garden green again!

His eye twitched. _There are steps one has to take, Tarrant._

_Wait. Where did that-? Hello?_

"Alice, before I start I will need to take your measurements."

The girl hesitated for half a beat before obediently following the Hatter to the room he'd cleared for his work, up the stairs and down the corridor, nearly across from his bedroom. During the long hours of the night before, the Hatter had already arranged part of this space, setting a sewing table and a sketch desk against the wall. Walking inside, Hatter set down his bundles of material and turned to Alice, guiding her to stand before his chair.

_I've done this before, this will be no hardship..._

Hatter sat down and took a measuring tape from the inset of his sleeve. The man stretched the tape and moved toward her, but then seemed to become flustered as the reality of what he was doing set into his mind. He was changing.

"I...Alice, could you...?"

Alice frowned. "What is it, Hatter?"

The man swallowed, forcing his thoughts into calm order. "If you would just...dress down to your shift, please."

Alice looked at him, noting the risen washes of color over his cheekbones, but she did not have it in her to argue. He had changed so much in her eyes; at once, Alice was sure that she'd never be able to pin-point the man as one thing or another, for he was pure mercury.

Only days ago, she'd been sure of his childlike purity, and then she'd found the truth: that this man held more mystery within himself than all of Underland.

And now he wished her practically undressed before him.

Hatter was a man, by one way or another, but this was not the same. She was not revealing her most intimate self to a stranger or a rake from London's ton. This man was mad, but gentle. This was not a ploy, Alice knew it was not. She had been measured in this way before by women, but she knew Hatter's only intent here was so that he might work and keep his promise to gift her with dresses.

Harmless.

After all, what interest could she possibly pose for him? They were worlds apart.

She nodded, complying with his wish, and respectfully, Hatter turned his back to her.

Alice did as the Hatter asked, and she began to unbutton her dress. The air hit her skin and sent a chill up her spine. She set her dress aside.

"Hatter, I'm ready."

The man turned to find Alice standing nearly bare in the center of his workshop floor, her slim body clothed only in a thin white shift. He swallowed again, tramping down the rising feeling he'd stumbled across during their stay in the Marmoreal. Though the feeling was both unwelcome and familiar, Hatter would have to examine it at a later time.

There was work to be done, a promise to Alice he meant to keep.

Hatter cleared his throat and moved toward her, the measuring tape firmly in hand.

Distantly, this scenario felt familiar to him. He began to hear a voice of memory guide him through the steps; it was a whisper at first, but to his pleasure, it grew to engulf his mind.

_First is the neck, Tarrant, it's important to know the collar and neckline. It is the most intimate part of the garment. Whether high or low, elegant or simple. These things speak volumes about the dress, and the woman who'll be wearing it._

Hatter stepped in close to Alice and smiled lightly. "Pardon."

He pushed her hair back from her shoulders and slipped the cool tape behind her neck, allowing the unused length of the tape to drape over her exposed collarbones and down along her body. He noted the measurement and moved on, the singular voice guiding him through.

_The arms, Tarrant. Should the sleeves be long, they must give just a glimpse of the wrist. That pale slice of bare skin..._

Hatter nodded. _I remember your wrists, your skin was different than mine. You weren't stained as I am._

Alice swallowed as the Hatter moved behind her and lifted her arms so that he could stretch the tape along the length of her extended limb. This was a strange experience to begin with, made all the more strange by the heavy tension permeating the air between them. With each careful graze of his fingertips against her skin, Alice realized that she felt a feeling that she should not, even as she recognized it all the same. A thrill of warmth that coursed throughout her body. It was electric arousal, it was her body coming to life in a way she'd never felt before.

Alice shook her head and tried to ignore it. _This isn't right._

It was all the Hatter's doing; his light, tender touches, the gentle drag of the cool tape over her heated skin. His soft breath on the back of her neck as he moved to measure her other arm, his tea-tinged scent curling over her senses.

It was because he was her friend, and because they had grown so close. It was because he made her feel safe, it was because of his kindness. It was because he was such an odd, unpredictable character of the macabre.

It was because Alice recognized the Hatter as a man.

_And this, Tarrant, try not to linger._

_I know that! Do you think me base?_

_Only when you choose to be, love._

Hatter completed the circle and stood before Alice again, lifting the tape. "If you'll allow me..."

He slipped the tape beneath her arms and took a quick, respectful measurement of her bust. Alice blushed furiously, feeling her breasts tighten from his fleeting touch. This...she had never been in such a position with a man before, never been touched, never been this deeply _moved_ by anything.

Thoughts crept into her mind, thoughts of wicked, wanton things that only worsened her situation. What was happening to her? What was it she wanted of him? More of this feeling, more of this horrible, terrible, thrilling sensation? This feeling of exposure, of vulnerability, of a longing for fulfillment she did not understand.

As bizarre and sudden as the urge had come upon her, Alice felt herself submit to its whim.

Going on with his business, Hatter knelt before her and looped the tape about her waist. Alice bit her tongue to stop a slight moan at the touch of his hands there. She wasn't usually ticklish, but...

_The legs and skirt of the dress requires the most care. The measurements here must be the most precise, for every formal gown should have a pair of stockings to match._

_I thought you hated stockings?_

_I didn't, until I met you._

Hatter began to draw the tape up her leg, stretching it along the length of Alice's inner thigh, until he very nearly reached the apex of her legs. Gooseflesh erupted over her skin. It was too much.

Alice felt hypnotized, for surely she must be under some spell, some trance to make her feel this way? It couldn't be her. It couldn't be. She was a respectable girl - _woman_ \- from a good, wealthy family...but what did any of it matter in a world so far from her own?

Alice could not stop herself. Her hand reached forward, her fingers spearing into the Hatter's hair, stroking him, coaxing him.

It was Alice's electric touch that brought it all back.

He had been in this room before, taking the measurements of a woman. He had been in this same position, and happy, so happy.

His eyes refocused, looking over the room. _No, it wasn't like this. It's...this is all wrong. Where am I...? It was dark that night. I remember. It was raining outside. She'd wanted to show me her secret..._

It was a great effort for him, but the Hatter pressed his mind forward into memory. The scene around him changed; the sunlight streaming in from the window dimmed to darkness. He could smell the rain. He could smell her. He could see her face, her beautiful, joyful face, even madder than his own.

_You'll have to help me let out my dresses in the waist very soon, love. I won't be this small for long._

It had been a different time, and he a very different man. Still, the pleasure of Alice's gentle fingertips stroking, stroking, and the tide of the living memory came over him. Hatter moved to lift his arms, twining them around Alice's slim waist, hugging her close, needing her, and he pressed the side of his face against her womb.

He could hear Alice's sharp intake of breath, but there was nothing else.

He listened, but he could hear nothing. He felt nothing.

No life stirred within her. This was not Issa. This was Alice. Issa was gone, over a decade dead.

_I'm sorry, Tarrant._

Alice was pulled from the moment by the sensation of wetness against her skin and the quiet, hitched sobs of her friend. The Hatter was crying against her, even as his arms were curled over her waist, hugging her close.

All feeling of lust fell away as Alice moved to kneel down before him. She was confused and a part of her was frustrated at being aroused and then denied, but she could not become angry with him for it. Her friend was in pain. That was the only thing that mattered.

She put her arms around him, keeping him in her embrace. She could not turn away from this; she could see it now. Hatter had to give a voice to his sorrows or he would forever be a slave to his rage. Alice would be damned if she allowed her friend to give in to his despair.

She stroked his hair again, this time a gesture of comfort rather than pleasure. "Hatter, what is it? Tell me, please."

"They're gone. I was...we were here, she was teaching me how to measure for dresses when she told me...I...Alice, I'm sorry, I fell into a memory. I though you were Issa, and I couldn't stop myself from-"

"I know." Alice hugged him tighter, beginning to understand. He had begun to relive a moment of intimacy he'd shared with his wife. She understood now; even after so many years, he still missed her. The pain he'd been carrying for so long must be terrible. "I'm so sorry, Hatter."

He shook his head. "If I could have one wish, I would wish that they would come back. I wish it were all the way it was before. But it can't be, can it?" Hatter looked to Alice for answers, but she had none. "Nothing will bring them back, Alice. Not- not the Frabjous Day, and not returning to this house. They weren't waiting for me here all this time. I'd thought I could find them here, but there's nothing...I could have saved them, I could have grabbed her and ran, but I couldn't see where she was. Oh, I am a _skulpgin freenocki brimno..."_

Hatter lowered his head and balled his fist, bringing it down hard on the floor. "I don't want to be like this forever, Alice."

She shook her head and brought her hands to cup his face, stroking one of his cheeks. "You won't be, Hatter, not if you let yourself grieve. You have to stop blaming yourself, what happened that day was no one's fault but the Red Queen's and her army. Hatter, your family...they wouldn't want you to hate yourself for what happened to them. They would want you to be happy again."

"It's so hard. I want to be happy, and I want to be with you, but I'm afraid that I'm forgetting them. I can't see their faces any more. I've killed them all, just as sure as the Jabberwocky killed them."

"Hatter, no, you mustn't think that way. Listen to me. They were a part of you. There are some things we can never forget. And you can be happy with me here and still love them, even though they're gone. It's not a choice between your life or their love, don't you see? You can have both, if only you'd let yourself."

Alice hoped against hope that her words might break through to him. She knew a woman of infinite grace and kindness had tried before her, but what kind of champion would she be if she didn't try?


	10. Chapter 10

**Many Happy Years Ago…**

Tarrant's eye twitched as he hurriedly made his way from Hightopp manor to Witzend.

_I let this happen- I wasn't thinking, I should have brought a spare with me but I wasn't thinking! The craft, the craft- the Spade will have his order on time, it will be perfect!_

Beside him, and skipping lightly down the trail, was Lian. The youngest of his clan- his sister, after a fashion. The girl wore one of his earliest works of the season, a knit cap in her favorite color, bright teal. A gift for her birthday that he'd presented after the tea was slurped and the cake was served. This particular cap had a row of decorative yellow buttons sewn along the side.

"Why are we going into town, Tarrant?" The girl asked. She always had so many questions; she wasn't like him, made mad either by birth or by trade. She was, at times, too irritatingly logical to bear for more than a few minutes at a stretch.

Tarrant sighed. Baby-sitting was a burden he could not carry while in the middle of such an important project- this fedora was his first work for the Court of Marmoreal and if anything went wrong, his career would be in jeopardy. To be parted from Mirana...he couldn't face that possibility.

"It's for the Spade Knight's fedora. I've almost finished it but my spool is empty- there is more thread at the palace, but it must be finished now!"

"Why now?" Lian pressed.

"It is a matter of professional integrity- I told the Knight it would be ready first thing in the morning, and I can't break my promise." Tarrant stepped over a fallen log. Nothing must get in his way!

Lian took up a stick and dragged it behind her. "Will you teach me the hatting trade the way Mortan taught you?"

"I will teach you all I know, Lian."

"Well...I like flowers more than I like hats." She confided.

Tarrant glanced down at her and gave the girl a smile. He was anxious to complete his errand and return to work, but he would not be unkind. "Then they will call you Gardener when the time comes for you to begin your work at the Marmoreal Court."

Lian smiled back at him. "We're getting close to the village- will you buy me a flower, brother?"

He looked ahead and his sharp eyes took in the many shops and stores of the village. "Yes, yes. Anything you want. I'll find you once I find my thread."

The forest opened to reveal the crossing blocks of Witzend and Tarrant released his hold on Lian's small hand.

"Goodbye, Tarrant. I know once you find your thread you'll make the Spade Knight very happy!"

He waved and watched for a moment as the girl headed to the flower shop, the one place she always insisted on visiting when he took her into town.

Mad as he was, Tarrant found his sister to be strange. The girl liked flowers more than tea, more than hats, more than candy, even! While there was a certain family resemblance in her coloring, she wasn't like him or his father; Lian wasn't mad at all.

Tarrant thought a moment. Perhaps he should teach her the trade so that she would become mad, and then make a more fitting companion for him.

But the thread.

Tarrant blinked and started to make his way toward the center of Witzend Square, passing the butcher and blacksmith on his way. He had heard the news of a dress shop that had opened on the far side of the square- surely a seamstress would have a spare spool of midnight black thread!

And it had to be midnight black- no other shade of thread could be used on the hat now. Any other color would be a crime.

Tarrant paused outside of the shop. The storefront read **Issa's Day Dresses & Gowns.**

_Ah, this is the place- they must have the thread!_

He stepped into the shop and for a moment he could only stare, the plea for midnight black dying in his throat.

The man's world stopped as his eyes feasted on the colors flooding his vision. Wire mannequins were placed about the floor of the shop, modelling the most delicate, beautiful gowns that he had ever seen. Empire waists, jeweled straps, backless gowns- all in a riot of colors so exquisite and so unique that Tarrant felt a pit form in the bottom of his stomach. The seamstress who had crafted these living artworks must be a master, and here he was, a young hatter anxious over his first commission to the court.

Somehow, an unfinished fedora seemed a very small thing when placed beside the gowns of this shop.

_Not even the dresses worn by the young princess are so...I must meet this Issa!_

The gowns were crafted with such precision, such skill. He knew next to nothing of dress-making, but he knew what he liked; Tarrant was sure that he had never before encountered such a talent. Drawn in, he reached forward to brush his fingertips along the skirt of the nearest gown. The material...it was like draping liquid, a sensual cascade of deep jade silk. Helpless, his eyes slipped closed with the pleasure of it.

"Are you just going to browse all day?"

The question brought Tarrant's mind back to the present. _Who spoke to me? I was certain I heard someone._

He looked about the shop but he could see no one.

Frowning now, he moved to the counter at the back of the shop. He had to pass several more display gowns to do so, but with his returned clarity came renewed focus. The thread. His hat could not be finished without the thread.

He frowned. There was no seamstress tending at the counter, as he might have expected, only a cat; a large striped cat was simply lounging on the counter, displaying a terrible work ethic as it licked its left paw.

"Where is the owner of this shop, cat? I am in dire need of a spool of midnight black thread."

"Why are you asking him? He's only a cat."

It was a second voice, a woman. Tarrant turned around to find a young woman standing directly behind him. He started, both from surprise and a... _feeling_ that he could not name. A kind of startled feeling that put him on his guard. For a moment, he could only stare.

This young woman- she was unlike any of the other women he'd seen in Witzend and looking at her, _oh..._

"Only a cat, she says. If you keep this up, Issa, I won't allow you to scratch my back every night before bed."

Tarrant blinked. This woman was the talent behind the gowns fit for a queen? She was so young and so...

His pulse quickened. "I- Issa? Is that your name?"

The young woman smiled at him with her eyes. Such unique, exotic eyes. "Yes, I am Issa. And you…you were looking for midnight black thread, yes?"

Tarrant reached to shake her hand. "Yes. I'm a hatter by trade."

Issa held onto his hand and turned it, examining his skin. "I thought as much from the stains on your fingertips. Forgive my forwardness, you see I'm new to Witzend. Do you have your own shop?"

He took his hand back. His skin felt strange where she'd touched him. "No, no. I…I have a place in the palace."

Issa moved around him and went behind the counter. "Tarrant…would you believe that you're the first man I've met since opening the doors of my shop?"

He felt strange inside of himself- he could not stop looking at Issa, but the longer he stared, the stranger he felt. Was it his madness?

"I'm the first?"

The cat swirled through the air in lazy circles above them. "Ah, the hatter's not only mad, but deaf as well. You're two of a kind."

Issa shook her head. "Ignore the cat, he becomes jealous so easily."

Tarrant's eyes widened at her. "You're mad?"

Issa smiled lightly and leaned in close to whisper, "Oh, yes. Mad as a hatter, perhaps. But I am much happier this way."

The man could only stare at her, stunned. She was so...so...

Issa slipped a spool of the desired thread into his hand. "No charge for that thread, Tarrant, so long as I see you again soon."

_She's wonderfully mad!_

Tarrant smiled and nodded. "Yes, I'll return. I'll come back tomorrow."

Issa's unique eyes watched after him as he backed out of the shop. "And I'll be counting the minutes."

The cat only shook his head.

______________________________

They had not left the upstairs workshop. Alice sat on the floor, her legs folded under her in the same spot where she'd been standing only minutes ago. The heat had died in her just as quickly as it had flared with the Hatter's touch on her skin.

Several tears had coursed down her cheeks, leaving salted tracks in their wake. Hatter had moved away from her, needing space for himself. Space to breathe without catching Alice's scent. Space to think without his mind becoming clouded.

Alice ventured forth a question. "Will you tell me more about your family?"

She did not want to hurt the Hatter with her curiosity, but she felt that speaking of these people who meant the world to him, letting out his pain, voicing his regrets- she felt it was helping him.

Hatter sat on the floor, leaning against the wall and resting his elbows over his bent knees. He looked up at her, and Alice was relieved to see that his face was still a palette of color, rather than the ashen gray it became with his self-imposed restraint over his own madness.

He was being himself now, and entrusting his truth to her. Alice would not abuse his trust. No, never that.

"Some. Ask me questions, not riddles."

She licked her lips before asking him a question to which she already knew the answer. She only wanted to hear him say it. "Who did my room belong to?"

Hatter shifted slightly, took a deep breath. "It was hers. Issa's, in the time before she came to share mine."

"She lived here with your family before you were married?"

"Yes. It was my doing, it was the only way I could have her close. She had a dress shop in Witzend, it is where I first noticed her. I learned that she had been sleeping in the back room of her shop until she could earn enough to buy her own house. She had no family, no clan- there was a rumor that she had come from…somewhere else."

Hatter tapped his shoes together three times.

"Somewhere else, like me?"

He giggled then, a sharp sound piercing the somber air of the room. "No one is sure! Not even me, Issa made a game of it, always trying to make me guess. I cleared the room for her and invited her to stay. We were of like mind, Alice. She wanted to be here as much as I did."

Alice frowned. His heartache pierced her. "Hatter, why did you give me her old room?"

He took a breath and stood up. He reached down to her, offering his hand.

Alice took his hand and Hatter pulled her to stand. He turned around to let her replace her dress.

"I…I think, if Issa was here, she would have happily given you her room. She would have given you anything. And...she doesn't need it, where she is now. Issa will never return to this house, there is nothing left for her here."

______________________________

The Hatter opened the door of her bedroom and simply stood to the side as Alice stepped over the threshold.

Alice paused a few steps into the room and turned back to face him. If this was to be the end of them tonight, Alice felt that she had to say something- what the man had shared with her warranted further words of kindness. "Hatter?"

He had been turning to leave, but he looked up to meet her eyes. "Alice."

She took a deep breath. "I'm sorry that all of this has happened. You didn't deserve this, no one does. I wish I could change things for you."

Hatter shifted his weight as he stood in the hallway. He shook his head. "Do not be sorry, please. I can't take another soul being sorry for me. They think I can't see it, but I do. The looks and the whispering. They're all sorry for me, and they're all afraid of me."

"What? Who is?"

"The Court of Marmoreal." He stated plainly. "When I went back to the palace to Mirana after the terrible day- she could see it in me, Alice."

The Hatter was telling her a story now, one with no plot or direction. Alice took a step toward him. "See what, Hatter? What could Mirana see?"

"The darkness!" He yelled, startling her. When he spoke again his voice was far gentler. "That monster tore out my heart and filled it with this- this _blackness_ I'd never known before. Mirana knew. I went to her after I found what was left of my clan- nothing but trifles. She was my friend for so long, and after the end of clan Hightopp, it was the young queen who knew me best. And Mirana could see it. She could see I was…fading. I was fading away and changing into something else. The _dark thing_. The thing that would make me a killer, and I wanted to kill, Alice. I wanted the Knave. That dark thing in me wanted his blood more than I wanted my family."

Inside, Alice's heart was singing. Hatter's confessions were painful for her to bear, but the truths rising from the man were proof of the trust he'd placed in her. This was what Alice wanted; a true friend, not a childish playmate. In placing his trust in Alice, the Hatter was becoming the friend Alice had always secretly longed for in London.

Yes, Hatter was her true friend...and perhaps more, now...

Alice took another step closer, her attempt at bridging the gap between them. "You might have killed the Knave on Frabjous Day."

His eyes were wide and wet at his confession, his voice growing thick. "I was close. I wanted him terrified, Alice, I wanted him twisting and bleeding and _screaming_...but I didn't kill him. I couldn't. That dark thing in me was ready to- but I couldn't do it."

"Why not?"

He blinked at her. "I...I stopped when I saw that you'd slain the Jabberwocky, and you hadn't killed that beast because you hated it, or because hurting a living thing gave you any pleasure. You slayed the monster because you had to- because the Oraculum decreed that _only Alice_ could slay the Jabberwocky. You killed the beast to save all of Underland, not because you had a dark thing living inside of you screaming for revenge, as I had for so long."

The man paused to take a deep breath. When he went on, his voice carried a vivid tone of hope. "But on the Frabjous Day, I learned that I am not that thing, Alice. It is a part of me, but only a part. A small, horrible part of me. For years, I have been afraid of it overwhelming me. I had the Knave, but I couldn't do it. It is as you said. Issa…none of my clan would have wanted me to become a killer, a dark thing. To kill the Knave would see everything I was to them and to you, all of me would be unmade. If had killed the Knave, I would no longer be myself. I chose to allow Mirana, our White Queen, to mete out justice."

Alice felt tears well in her eyes for him. For his pain, for his courage. She stepped to him and took his hands into hers. "I- Hatter, I think if they were here, your family would be so proud of you. I've met soldiers before, in London. Sometimes my father would invite them to the house to discuss the security of his business. I would overhear them, bragging over their kills in combat. It is a weak man who brags over killing, Hatter. You're not like them and you are nothing like the Knave. You're not a killer and you are not cruel. You have some darkness in you now, but that dark part of you will not win."

Hatter looked away from her for a moment. "You said I hurt you on the balcony."

Alice swallowed. "It's nothing."

He looked back to her and tightened his grip on her hands. "Let me see, please."

She tried to pull away from him but he did not release her. "I don't think that's-"

"Alice, did I hurt you in the White palace?"

"Oh, it- it's not that bad, Hatter. Honest, the bruises aren't even-"

"Bruises? I bruised you?"

Alice looked away from his searching eyes. "Just some, on my arms from where you were holding me. It's nothing."

Without warning, Hatter pulled her forward into his embrace. "I'm sorry. It was me, but that darkness, the rage- I become another man. I hate him, I want to send him away forever. Alice, may I see what I did to you?"

Alice looked up at him. "You're sure that you want to see my bruises?"

Hatter released her from his embrace and knelt down before her, a position of his plea for forgiveness. "Yes. I've never hurt anyone before, not even in my anger. Let me see what I've done to you so that I might never do such a thing again. Please."

Alice hesitated a moment, but the earnest expression over the Hatter's face convinced her. Her dress sleeves were too thick for her to simply push them up to her shoulders to reveal the skin he sought. There was only one way to show him.

"Turn your eyes, Hatter."

The man did as he was asked, and respectfully turned his back to her for modesty's sake.

Alice moved quickly, sure that she had gone mad somewhere within the past few minutes. This was something she'd never dreamed of doing, but it seemed that her muchness was running right over her reason.

_I could never do this in London, never! I would be ruined...but I am not in London. The rules of home are a world away..._

Her reaction to the Hatter's careful hands in the workshop had been a frightening, thrilling experience. Alice wondered if she was becoming a wicked creature, offering herself to Hatter in this way. But, she wasn't offering herself, was she? No. No, surely not.

Alice wasn't sure what she felt any longer. It was as if her thoughts were no longer her own.

But she was wasting time, and the Hatter was not a patient character; he might turn at any moment and see her exposed breasts.

_What would happen if he did?_

Alice slipped out of the top of her dress and shift, and then brought her bedsheet up to cover her chest. She sat on the edge of her bed and cleared her throat, signalling to him that she was ready.

From behind her, Alice could hear the Hatter gasp. Whether from the sight of the dark bruises circling the top of her arms or the sight of her naked back, Alice did not know.

The man came forward to sit on the bed behind her, his eyes taking in the bruises banding around the tops of her arms. He couldn't help himself; he reached forward and curled his hands lightly over the bruises, holding her from behind. Hatter dipped his head, pressing his forehead into the soft heat at the nape of her neck.

"Alice, I…it was me. I did this."

She clutched the sheet more tightly to her chest and turned to him. "No, Hatter. You mustn't think that."

"I hurt you, I did this, a great bad thing."

"Stop that. I don't blame you, and so you can't blame yourself for what happened. That's in the past. Things have changed. You can feel that, can't you?" Alice reached a hand forward to lay over his heart.

She was pleading with him, but for what, Alice could not put into words.

"I can."

The longer the Hatter watched her, the stronger Alice felt the return of that thrilling, terrifying sensation she'd felt when he'd had his hands on her, guiding the cool slickness of his measuring tape over her skin. It wasn't natural, this feeling; Alice was torn between the need to run from him and to do something…wicked.

_Is Underland changing me into one of the nymphs? This isn't me!_

The air in the room seemed to change as their silence stretched forward. Hatter looked away from her then. "I'm going to start on your first dress. If I work through the night I can have it finished by the morning."

"You don't have to do that for me."

"Of course I do. I made a promise."

Hatter stood from her bed and started toward the door. Had she been clothed, Alice would have followed him. She stopped him with her voice instead.

"You never wrote down my measurements."

Hatter turned back and smiled, tapping on his left temple, "They're all right up here. Believe me, I'm better with measurements than I am with my memories."

______________________________

Alice closed the door behind Hatter and waited, listening to his retreating footsteps. She shut her eyes and pressed her forehead against the cool wood of the door.

_What happened to me? It was Hatter- his hands on me...touching me all over..._

The hour had grown late, somehow, though Alice felt sure that she and the Hatter had returned from Witzend only a moment or two before. Time was different in Underland. It must be, for Alice's confusion.

But then, the man's confessions were lengthy- and the emotional toll weighed heavily on her mind. As did the heat Alice had felt with the Hatter in the workshop.

_What am I becoming?_

Alice shivered, recalling the scene: she in nothing but her shift, standing still as the Hatter circled her, grazing his hands and his tape all over her. He couldn't have known of her feelings, Alice was sure, for, while she had gained her first glimpse of what passion may be, her poor Hatter had fallen into a living memory of intimacy with his wife.

_Issa. I'm so sorry that Hatter was left alone in the world- I think, given the choice, he would still rather be with you and the rest of Hightopp clan. But you all died that horrible day. I want Hatter to be happy, and I know if you still lived that you want happiness for him as well. Issa, I will help him. Somehow, I will help him._

Alice lifted her head from the door and fanned herself with her hand. She felt hot, near feverish from all that had happened in the day. So much. Too much.

She moved to her bed and removed her dress, leaving her in her shift once more. She felt better, cooler, but somehow bereft. There was no Hatter to guide her movements, no exciting drag of cool tape against her skin.

Alice was alone in the dark of a bedroom that had once housed her friend's long dead wife.

Sleep could not come soon enough.

______________________________

Alice had only just begun to drift off into a dreamscape when something brushed across her face. She started awake, her eyes trying to adjust to the dark. She felt it. There was another presence in the room with her.

"Hatter? Is that you?"

"I'm sorry to disappoint you." Replied a deep, and rather bored voice.

A large, bright pair of eyes opened from nothing in the air before her, and Alice could see a small weight settle down on the corner of her bed. The body of the cat came into view, until he was solid enough that Alice could no longer see the footboard through his form.

"Chessur!" Alice smiled and sat up to speak with the cat.

"Who else?"

"What are you doing here?"

The cat's body rolled onto its back, stretching languidly, even as his head remained facing forward. As unnerving as the sight should have made her, Alice found herself smiling at him.

"I just came for a visit. The palace isn't as peaceful as it once was."

"What do you mean? Is everyone all right?"

Chessur flicked his tail. "Oh, yes, every last one of Bayard and Bielle's pups have full run of the castle- there isn't a corner I can evaporate to without them finding me, but I dare them to try finding me here."

Relieved, Alice laughed. "And here I thought you might have come just because you missed us."

"Only you, love. I've had to watch my step around Tarrant for so long that I hardly know how to speak with him."

"You're afraid of Hatter?" She asked.

"There's nothing to fear when I can evaporate away from him, but all the same I'd rather not hear him curse me in _Outlandish."_

Alice thought back to the Hare's tea party. "At the table, when I first met with him, why did he yell at you that way?"

The cat regarded her for a moment before blinking and licking his lips. "It's a long story. I'll tell you if you scratch behind my ears."

His request came so easily that Alice couldn't help laughing. "You really are a cat, aren't you? It's hard to remember that sometimes."

"A cat is my natural shape, what makes it hard to remember?" He asked as he moved toward her.

To Alice's surprise, Chessur curled into her lap in the same way a favored pet might; it was a testament to his true nature.

"It's just that the cats can't talk in my world, that's all."

"They must be terribly boring, then." Chessur yawned. "My ears now, if you please."

Shrugging, Alice began to scratch his head, just behind his ears as he'd asked. "Is that all right?"

"Yes, don't stop." He purred. "You've had some practice with this."

"I have a cat in London. Dinah. My father gave her to me a few years ago as a birthday gift."

"Mmm. Is she pretty?"

Alice thought on that. What would appear attractive to a cat? Or to Hatter, for that matter? "I think she is. She's a small cat, mostly gray with white socks and a flame on her face."

"And her eyes?"

"A sort of pale yellow. I suppose she would seem very plain when compared to the other cats like you. There _are_ others like you, aren't there, Chessur?"

His head turned around to face her, "Yes, a few."

"Do you have a family?"

"Everyone is born from another, yes, I have family but I don't know where they are. Cats are not notoriously social, Alice. Not like dogs or humans."

Alice nodded. "Then you are a little like the cats in my world. They like to be left alone too."

"As they should- dogs are obnoxious in every world." Chessur yawned again and purred as Alice focused on that one spot just behind his left ear...

Alice smiled wryly, thinking how strange it was to be cuddling an animal with such a talent for evaporating, as he called it. "Chessur, will you tell me?"

"Hmm? Oh, yes, your hands are perfection, Alice."

"I meant about the Hatter, Chessur."

The car twisted in her lap, presenting his stomach. Alice obliged and continued to scratch him. "Right. It is no great tale, just that Tarrant blames me for not saving his wife. He doesn't understand. I was there, Alice. For all my evaporating skill when I'm calm, I can't do it in fear. I couldn't save Issa, it was a miracle I saved myself."

The cat's calm explanation was to be expected, but Alice didn't like to think long on the Hatter holding such anger toward his friend for so many years.

"If the Hatter knows that then why does he blame you?"

"He never knew such pain before that day. None of us did. He's hated me all this time because when he looks at me, he sees _her."_

"Her?" Alice pressed.

"Issa." The cat clarified, stretching in her lap, so enjoying the drag of her nails over his belly.

"And why is that?"

"Because when I first met Tarrant, I _was_ Issa's."

Alice stopped scratching him. "Wait- you were Issa's _pet?"_

The cat frowned at her. "No! I've never been anyone's pet. But, Issa was a lovely and kind woman. I came upon her on the road to Queast when I was barely more than a kitten. She'd told me that she was on her way to Witzend, intent to open a shop of her own. She had a talent for making dresses, though I can't say if her work was any good. Clothes are the humans' worry. She gave me a bit of her lunch and invited me to go with her. Well, it was go with her to Witzend or it was to continue floating about Underland by myself, looking for amusement. I chose her, just as she chose me."

"And what did you do once you arrived in Witzend?" Alice asked.

The cat turned and bumped his head under her hand, making his want known to her. Alice obliged and began to scratch him once more. The cat purred loudly, his body vibrating against Alice's thigh. "Ah...well, Issa worked in a fabric shop owned by a friend of hers. Soon she'd saved just enough to open her own shop in town. It was a nice shop, and Issa would allow me to sit near the window. I used to spend hours just staring at the people passing by. Ah, yes, to the right please."

"I had no idea of all this, Chessur." Alice was surprised at the cat's revelations to say the least.

With the cat filling in pieces of Hatter's history, the full story was becoming clearer to her...and...in the strangest way, Alice felt that she was growing fond of Issa, this talented, determined woman who had once held the heart of her friend.

"Of course you didn't. This isn't your world, how could you be expected to know anything?"

"You're right. Hatter has told me some things. I think in time he might heal and tell me the rest."

"That may take weeks. I was there, I could tell you everything now." The cat hinted.

Alice thought on his offer. It was tempting; if she knew more about the Hatter's past, then she would know how to approach her friend in confronting it. But Hatter clearly did not like it when others spoke to her about him, his madness or his family. He'd called his beloved Mirana a gossip, and as things with Hatter and Chessur were only recently reconciled, Alice thought it might be best to leave the Hatter's history alone for the night.

"Thank you, Chess. But I think I'll let Hatter tell me on his own. He's finally come to trust me enough to tell me part of his story. Things are changing."

The cat twisted in her lap again. "They always do. A little to the left now, please."

______________________________

"Alice, come round, are you awake yet?"

Alice frowned and opened her eyes. The Hatter was knocking at her door, calling to her. She looked about the room for Chessur, but the cat must have disappeared during the night, perhaps intent to find someone else to scratch his back after Alice had fallen asleep with him in her lap.

"Only just, what time is it?"

On the other side of her bedroom door, Hatter smiled. "Time has stopped for a bit, I suppose he deserved a vacation after the lead up to the Frabjous Day. But you must ready yourself for the White Queen. A bird came by with her summons."

She moved out of the bed and went to the door, though she did not open it to see him. Alice was not trying to be rude, but she was only wearing her shift, and after everything she had realized in the workshop, she thought it would be better to face him when she was clothed.

"She wants to see me?"

"No, Lady Mirana has asked for me, and I don't have the heart to leave you alone here. Spiders make dreadful company, they're impossible to ignore. We must start out for the castle."

Alice frowned, "I haven't any clothes but what I slept in."

"There were no clothes in your parting bundle?"

In the bundle left for Alice, there had been many wonderful things- a green scarf, a pair of walking boots and night slippers, a pair of silver earrings and a necklace, a parcel of caramels and a hairpin- but no functional clothing.

"No, is there a place in the house where I can wash my dress before we leave for the palace?"

Never mind that Alice had no idea how to wash clothes as the servants of her family home in London had always attended to such things, and she didn't fancy the idea of having to wait in her shift, but it would be much better than wearing her dirty dress through another day.

She could hear rushed footsteps in the hallway, and then the creaking of her ceiling as he'd apparently run upstairs and then back down again. "Hatter?"

"Not to worry, Alice. I keep my promises, it's a matter of professional integrity."

Alice hurriedly stepped back as Hatter opened the bedroom door just wide enough to get his hand through, and he showed her a dress dangling from a hanger.

It was the pale yellow he'd promised, a soft, summery day dress the shade of a canary's tailfeather, with a skirt shorter than anything Alice had ever worn before. To her delight, there was a deep blue ribbon meant to cinch the waist. It was lovely, everything Hatter had promised her.

"I couldn't sleep a wink last night and so thought to make myself useful."

Alice lifted the hanger from his hand and he closed the door once more as she held the dress and marveled at the soft texture of the material, the daring length of the skirt- why, she would be exposed up to her knees, she'd never seen anything like it!

"Oh, Hatter, this is just beautiful..."

"I hope it fits. Issa once told me that whoever the dress is made for should try it on many times to be sure its a perfect match, but I did not wish to wake you."

Alice shook her head, feeling the sharp sting of tears welling in her eyes. She was grateful that he could not see her through the door that separated them.

_He is so wonderful, how will I ever be able to leave Underland?_

She cleared her throat, "I'm sure it'll be fine, Hatter, now that I'm the right-proper Alice size."

In the hallway, Hatter giggled, "That you are. Please, put on the dress, for we must leave soon."

Alice did as he asked and pulled the light garment over her head. "I never knew you to be so concerned with time."

"Not always, no. But even a mad man does not dawdle in the face of the royal summons."


	11. Chapter 11

Hatter felt the breath catch in his throat at the sight of her.

_Oh, Alice!_

The dress was a perfect fit, the yellow material giving a glow to her pale skin, setting off the blue of her eyes and the delicate shade of her long champagne curls. The girl smiled at him, twirling in a circle to let the skirt of her dress swing about her exposed knees. "How do I look?"

Hatter's smile was wide as he reached for her hands. He could not pull his eyes away from her. "Alice, you are so…yellow!"

She raised her brows at his words. Being yellow wasn't what she'd expected him to say, far from it in fact. _'You look beautiful, Alice'_ was what she'd hoped to hear, while _'You've never looked prettier'_ would've also been very welcome.

But strange words were part of Hatter's charm, and Alice was not too picky. Her heart quickened to see the man returned to his happier self, and that they would be visiting the White palace was a good thing. Hatter would not be so confronted with the pain of his memories if he removed himself from the trappings of Hightopp manor for a time.

The man had shared more with Alice than she deserved, and she was proud of him. They had earned a reward after the past few days.

"Thank you, Hatter. This dress isn't like anything I've ever worn before- there isn't anything like this in London or Paris! You ought to change your name to Dresser after making this masterpiece." Alice laughed.

Hatter shook his head, "No, no. It wasn't me, I- I wasn't alone in making it."

"What do you mean?"

"It was Issa guiding my hands to make this dress for you, Alice." Hatter confided. "It is our gift to you."

Alice felt her chest tighten and her smile faltered for a split second. But no. The Hatter was happy now, that's all that mattered. "Then I thank you both. This dress is…it really is something special."

She wouldn't let a moment of...of, what? Jealousy? Disappointment?

Alice wouldn't allow her fleeting notion of Issa's ghost intruding in upon them ruin her enjoyment of her beautiful new dress or the time she intended to spend with her friend.

Hatter bowed his head slightly and squeezed her hands. " _You_ are what's special. Like the hats I make, this dress is just a bit of cloth and ribbon. It is the wearer who matters most."

She shook her head at him. "I feel special because I'm wearing this bit of cloth and ribbon that you made for me. I feel…different."

He looked up to meet her eyes, startled. "Different? Different how? Are you changing again?"

The last time that Alice had been different, she had forgotten Underland, forgotten him. Would she forget him with every change she made? The thought was deeply unpleasant to him- there had to be a way to convince Alice that Underland would be her home.

Alice took a breath and moved forward to hug him tightly and kissed his cheek. She wasn't sure why she did it. "I think I am, but only for the better. I promise."

Her assurances had a calming effect on the man, and he offered his arm to her, the same way a London gentleman would. "Come, Alice. Our Queen awaits."

______________________________

Happiness had returned to them both, filling their beings with flashing bright color that bubbled over, erupting to the surface in random bursts of joy. Had they been in London, surely Hatter would have been locked away in an asylum, and Alice would likely be tossed into a cell beside his, for she was becoming just as infected with this tidal wave of giddiness.

Alice struggled to catch her breath after laughing so hard at the Hatter's improvised dances down the trail. "Goodness, what's happened to me? I feel so…free! I feel like I've been turned into a gypsy!"

There was no need for strict decorum here, no wealthy connections to impress, there was nothing to hinder true friendship and affection.

Hatter paused in his spinning. "Gypsy? I don't know the word, what is it, Alice?"

Alice put her hand against the nearest tree trunk so that she could lean for a moment, though her words were peppered with the occasional odd giggle. "They are…I've heard that they're travelers and thieves. Real rogues and outlaws."

He took a step toward her. "You are different, then. You've changed. Your _muchness_ is brighter, I can see it. I was afraid that you would change in another way."

She frowned at him. "What do you mean?"

When he spoke, there was a sudden gravity in Hatter's words, a sort of sadness. He took her free hand and enveloped it between the two of his. "In the Red Garden, it scared me when you told me of Hamish and your old life. You were different, then. I saw that in the Otherworld, you are another Alice entirely."

_Hamish. The proposal…_

_How could I have let myself forget…what is happening to me?_

Alice felt the breath catch in her throat- and she pulled away from Hatter. He did not try to stop her as she took a few steps away from him.

She had spent so much time with the Hatter, taking on the dual roles of his friend and confidant, that the questions waiting for her answers in London had fallen from her mind. She felt that it had been days since she'd even thought of her other life; time was strange that way in Underland. Were they all still waiting for her in the Ascots' garden? Or had time passed in her world, and she was assumed a runaway with a broken reputation? Her mother, her sister- she couldn't just abandon them.

_I have to go back. I should have been home already...but what about him?_

The Hatter had turned back up the path, to where the trail rose into a slight slope. Ever protective, the man would usually walk ahead of her to make sure the way ahead was safe.

Dread came over Alice in a way she'd felt only once before, in the arbor of Mirana's garden while she'd agonized over her choice to slay the Jabberwocky. And this, all of Underland, was another choice. The vial of blood was still in her satchel, which Alice took with her whenever she and Hatter would venture out together.

All it would take is a sip, and she'd be home again.

_But where is my home?_

Alice blinked and, glancing about, she realized that she was alone in the forest. "Hatter? Hatter, I-"

His colorful face came into view at the top of the trail. "Come, Alice! We've arrived, the palace is just a few steps more."

There were things that Alice had to say, things that the Hatter had to hear- but they could wait. They would have to.

_____________________________

Upon being received into the White palace, Alice and Hatter were separated. While Alice had served as Champion to Underland, it was not a need of her skills that had been behind Mirana's royal summons, but those of the Hatter.

Years ago, when Lady Mirana was not Queen, not Lady, when the only title she held was Mirana the Younger, a young madman of the Hightopp clan had been introduced to her father's court. The White princess, so gentle and so young at the time, had been fascinated by him, this Tarrant Hightopp. As a gift to her young majesty, he had crafted for the girl a very chic hat of such pure white felt that it was a close match in shade to her natural hair.

From that first meeting, the two had been inseparable as friends and even closer as Mirana had advanced toward the throne. Tarrant had never been a mere servant hatter to her, no; while hatting was his occupation and Hatter was the name he'd taken for himself after the Horunvendush Day, the man would always be Mirana's first friend and confidant. His flair, his sweet charm and gentle madness were all assets to him for, while Underland could boast nervous rabbits and evaporating cats to no end, there was only _one_ Mad Hatter.

Mirana smiled widely as the crisp notes of white and silver shades were shattered by an invasion of color. Tarrant always knew how to make an entrance.

"Tarrant, I am so glad that you could come." She said as she rose to greet her friend. She placed her hands lightly over his shoulders and kissed him briefly on both cheeks. Inwardly, she was thankful to see her friend in such a lighthearted mood; it had been her fear that, on his return to Hightopp manor, his despair would take a complete hold over him.

But Mirana should have known better. Tarrant had Alice by his side, after all, the Champion of the land.

Hatter shook his head, returning her smile. "For you, my dear, I will cross flying fire!"

"Flying fire? Did you see such a thing in Salazen Grum?" Mirana asked.

"No, no. It is only something Alice made me think of. Fireflies! Remarkable things, like the light-bulbs of her world. I would very much like to see them." He said dreamily, his mind set to drifting. He blinked then, returning to her. "My Queen, tell me. How can I be of service to the Court of Marmoreal?"

______________________________

As the Queen and the Hatter began to collaborate, combining their talents and ideas, Alice was led back to her room in the high tower where several delightful surprises awaited her. A Diamond Knight unlocked the door for her, revealing the trio of nymphs already quite content inside her room.

The three nymphs looked up as one, and brightened once they recognized Alice. Randa, she of the flame-red hair, was the only one to rise from the low sofas where the other two nymphs remained. When she spoke, her voice was very low. "Alice, welcome back to Marmoreal. It is so good to see you return."

At Randa's indication, Alice replied quietly, "It is good to be back, Randa, but why are we whispering?"

"Why, indeed? Follow me."

Alice followed the nymph to the low sofa where her sisters awaited them, and she had to stop herself from exclaiming in delight. Nestled in the laps of the nymphs were several sleeping bloodhound pups. What was it that Chessur had told her during the night before? Oh, yes, that Bayard and Bielle's pups were free to roam the palace now that it was safe.

"Aren't they precious?" Lrala asked Alice. Two of the pups were cuddled in her lap, one a light tan and its sibling a deep chocolate brown.

"Where did they come from?" Alice asked quietly as she took Randa's seat on the sofa between the two nymphs. Their flame-haired sister moved to claim the chair adjacent to the coffee table.

Carel, stroking the back of the puppy in her own lap, gestured vaguely to the courtyard below the balcony. "We came across them playing outside and called out to them. We played for a bit and they followed us back to your room. They've been napping for the last hour."

"They're adorable," Alice said as she began to pet the nearest sleeping pup. "I could never have a dog in London, we haven't got a yard. My father gave me a kitten a few years ago, for my birthday."

One of the pups opened his eyes for a moment before slipping back to sleep under the gentle stroking of the nymphs.

A new, deep voice sounded from the far end of the room. "Alice, so nice to see you again."

Alice and the nymphs turned around to find Chessur coming into being in the center of her bed. The cat smiled at them as he flicked his tail.

"Chessur, no! The pups are-"

"Chessur cat?" The pup in Carel's lap perked up, eyes suddenly open and ears alert.

The other pups immediately followed suit, waking with the cat's name on their tongues.

Before Alice or any of the nymphs could make a grab for them, the pups had jumped down from the sofa and darted toward poor Chess. The famous smile faded from his wide face and the cat made a dash for the door. After being witness to his evaporating skills, Alice had to wonder why the cat didn't just fly off or disappear.

In any case, Chessur ran down the corridor with several hound pups fast on his tail.

______________________________

"Poor cat, we will have to give him some attention after the pups are done chasing him through the castle." Carel said, shrugging as she stood from the sofa and brushed the pup fur from her lap.

Her sister nymphs nodded in agreement before turning as one to face Alice, who had remained seated.

"It is so good to see you again, Alice. Our Queen sent us to attend to your needs once more while you are a guest of the palace."

"And you may be a guest for a while."

"Lady Mirana and the Hatter will be conspiring for the royal gala."

"When they combine their talent, no one can compete."

"Their minds become united as one!"

"Were their _bodies_ ever united as such?"

The room fell silent as the three nymphs seemed to consider this sudden and most intriguing thought. For her part, Alice was unsure how she felt at the idea of her Hatter engaged in such things with Mirana. And, yes, in a strange way she did regard Hatter as being hers. He had, after all, invited her to live with him in his house and revealed things to her that he had never uttered aloud. He was hers and Alice...

She wore his bruises and his dress; Alice thought she might belong to the Hatter just as surely as he belonged to her.

Randa shook her head. "No, sisters. I saw them once- so many years ago. It was after a celebratory feast given by the king, initiating new members of the Royal Guard. It was afterwards, the Hatter had gone into the garden with the princess, for she had not yet become our queen. I saw it, she kissed him! Mirana kissed Tarrant!"

Alice, along with the other nymphs, leaned forward to hear the rest of the story.

"What happened next, sister?" Carel asked.

"Did they fall into passion?" Lrala pressed.

Randa shook her head, and Alice felt a tightness in her chest begin to release its grip on her heart.

The red nymph whispered the last as if it were a great secret. "No. They kissed. But the Hatter broke it and said that another had claimed his heart just the day before. It was three months after this that Issa, the dress-maker, was introduced to the Court as his wife."

The nymphs nodded, smiling.

"Perhaps the Hatter and the Queen are not fated to love."

"Not passionate love. Love of a different kind, perhaps."

Carel's eyes narrowed slyly. "I have had a thought. Perhaps the Hatter's love is meant for another, after Issa."

All three sets of eyes turned to Alice.

She raised her brows. "What, me?"

"He has always spoken very highly of you, and now, he's brought you into his home and named you as his greatest friend. Are you in love? Will you wed or just carry on an affair?" Lrala asked quickly.

Alice shook her head and stood from the sofa, still uncomfortable with their open queries. She could feel heat rising to her cheeks. "I- it isn't like that. I care for Hatter very much, and I know he cares for me, but we haven't become as...oh, involved as all that."

Inwardly, Alice was becoming irritated. She knew of their true nature, but the nymphs' constant fixation with men and relations was becoming tiresome. And the things they were suggesting about Hatter were simply not true. Alice held a deep affection for him, and while it was true that things had changed between them, it was not in the vulgar ways that the nymphs were suggesting- nevermind the new sense of arousal she had felt as Hatter's fingertips had danced over her skin in his workshop, that had been accidental, she was sure, and not been the Hatter's intention toward her.

Alice had no idea if the Hatter could even think of her in such a way, but she was sure that he was not a cad wearing the mask of a friend.

"But you are living in the man's house, and so he must have made some sort of-"

"No." Alice said firmly. "Hatter has been a perfect gentleman from the moment we met and I won't hear anything different said about him."

The nymphs looked at each other before looking back at her. Carel stepped forward. "We meant no disrespect, Alice. Not to the Hatter or to you."

The apologetic expressions on the three beautiful faces before her had Alice regretful for her curtness. "No, no. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be so short with you. It's just that...well, he's been through so much, both lately and in the past. I suppose I feel protective of him."

"No apologies are needed, Champion. Love makes defenders of us all. It is only natural."

Alice sighed lightly. "Hatter loves me as his friend, but I do not think Hatter loves me in the way you assume he does. While living in his house, he's told me the pain of his past. I believe a large part of him still loves Issa."

"Yes, but while he still loves the dress-maker, he knows that she is gone. He is not so mad that he will confuse the dead with the living, Alice. When you are ready to belong to each other, you will know it." Lrala said sagely.

_My world. My family._

"I...I don't know if that time will come. I have another life. I can't just abandon it."

Randa raised a brow. "So you will abandon the life you have here in favor of the life you've made in the Otherworld?"

The girl shook her head. "Please don't pose it that way. I just...I don't know if I could ever be what the Hatter needs. I don't want to leave Underland, but I also can't stay."

"You could stay, if that is what you choose. You are our Champion."

Alice nodded. "And I am also a woman's daughter, a woman's sister. I can't leave them behind."

Carel shook her head. "That is a shame. It's clear to us all that Tarrant would wish you to stay forever. We can see it where you may not. He wants you for himself."

"He does not." Alice denied. "I don't think he sees me that way."

"He made that dress for you, didn't he?"

She looked down at herself, at the light, breezy skirt of her dress. "Well, yes he did."

"Don't you see, Alice? He's taken to making you gifts, and no gift is meaningless. For now you may remain Tarrant's friend, but if you stay in our world, you could become even more." Lrala said. "The Hatter is a craftsman, and with these gifts he is courting you, in his way."

Alice could admit that she had had the same thoughts only days ago, when Hatter had promised her dresses in return for her coming with him to Hightopp manor. At the time she had seen his proposition as something of a joke- but during the past few days, since the Hatter had come to trust her enough to reveal his past, things between them had become very serious.

Was Hatter courting her with his gifts and generosity? Had that been his motivation since their time together in the Red Garden?

_I don't know what I should do. My world, my life, is waiting for me in London and Hatter wants me to stay...but to what end? As his friend or as something more?_

Alice felt frozen with indecision. Her momentary exposure to adult excitement had occurred only hours ago, and she still did not know what it meant. She cared for Hatter very much, but could she stay in Underland for him? Could she stay and try to make a life with such a damaged man? Would she even know how?

Deep within, Alice could feel her _muchness_ begin to dwindle.

______________________________

"I thought to start we would have a fiddler band playing the usual fare, with a few new songs composed by the royal scribes and poets. The musicians of the Court are already practicing new songs for the dance floor." Mirana turned her dark eyes to Hatter, "And can I look forward to your _Futterwhacken,_ Tarrant?"

He looked up from the notes he'd been taking and smiled at his Queen. "Ah, now that is a question. I might do the dance now if it would please Your Majesty."

Mirana shook her head. "No, no. Save it for a special occasion, please." The young Queen turned to look out the bay window. From the tower room, she could see out past the rolling hills and to the horizon where the land met the sky. She took a deep breath. "Do you feel it, Tarrant?"

"Feel what?"

" _It._ The change that has come over the land. It is all due to Alice and your Resistance. I have so many plans to ensure that Underland returns to it's bright course toward the future. Can you remember the way it was before my sister forced her way into power?" Mirana asked him gently.

Hatter could remember it very well.

He had always been mad, but before the Horunvendush Day his madness had never been tainted with rage. He had been a man happy in his work and even happier at home. Hightopp manor had been a house wonderfully crowded with the family. Hatter's parents, his siblings, his nieces, his nephew and his wife. Everything had been bright colors, sweet tea parties and friends come to visit.

But that had been so long ago, and Hatter knew that what was lost could not be so easily reclaimed.

Still. There was Alice for him to think of now. Alice made him happy. She made him laugh and cry, she made his chest feel light and fluttery. Yes, Alice made him happy.

"I remember it, my lady. I would very much like to see Underland given back to those ways."

Mirana put her hands over Hatter's shoulders. "I pray I can give it back to you, my friend. My sister's reign was my failure. I failed you all."

Hatter was not sure where this turn in Mirana's words had come from. Did she blame herself for...?

"No, no. My la- Mirana. You did not fail me or any other. It was the Bloody Red Queen grasping for power she could not earn from her subjects through true loyalty."

"Perhaps. But I should have seen the signs. If only I had..." Mirana took a deep breath, gathering herself once again. "I cannot allow such a thing to happen again. I will not. Let this gala be the first of many to mark an age of peace over Underland. Peace between lovers. Peace between friends and peace with our past."

_Peace with our past._

While turning back to his notes, the Hatter blinked at her words.

In the long years since the Horunvendush Day, Hatter had come to accept that he was the last of his clan. He knew that his family, his every last beloved, had either been engulfed by the Jabberwocky's flame or chased, hunted down by the Red Army. Yes, he had accepted that he was the last, but peace?

No.

The Hatter had not known peace in over a decade. He had known panic and fear, the immediate pierce of sorrow after witnessing the deaths of his brothers and sister. The despair of knowing, truly _knowing,_ that he was alone in the world. The hollow knowledge that his family would never walk the earth with him again.

And then there was the rage. Yes, the sweet relief of allowing his anger to the surface, letting it run wild and free so that every last word of fury could spill forth from his lips and that his body might lash out in violence. In his rage, Hatter felt the cathartic release of his pain transformed, changing him from the gentle madman he'd been all his life to the dark monster that he had grown to fear.

But peace...

Peace could be the way to escape the creature of darkness that had grown within his heart.

To make peace with his past...did it call for him to forgive the Red Queen and the Knave? Forgive the Jabberwocky and the Red Knights? Or did making peace call for him to calm his own rage? Hatter had tried to ignore his pain, keeping it buried within himself. This effort had worked for a time, but it would simmer within him for weeks and then boil over at the smallest upset. He had lost all but his closest of friends because of it.

Alice had made him speak of his past, of the things he'd seen and all that he had lost. She had forced the choice on him; she would leave, go back to her life in London if he did not explain himself. It had been...horrible. Horribly difficult to organize his thoughts and emotions into expression, and even harder still to remain calm enough to relate his story to the girl. Yes, it had been very difficult at first, but Hatter had found that Alice had been right.

Even when he had been brought to tears, Hatter had felt better afterwards. He'd felt...cleaner, lighter. His rages had stopped. Was that proof of his coming into peace with his past?

Hatter was not sure, but just in thinking of it all, he felt a great rising swell of happiness toward Alice.

_Alice, Alice._

Wonderful Alice, who had helped him so much in so short a time. Graceful Alice, who forgave him for the bruises he'd caused. Beautiful Alice, who deserved nothing less than the perfect blue.

Hatter blinked, bringing his mind back to the present and looked down at the notes he'd been absently writing, only to find his paper covered with her name.

**Alice, Alice, Alice.**

Embarrassed, Hatter folded the paper and quickly slipped it into his pocket so that Mirana would not see what he'd written. The Queen was still speaking of peace and kindness, her hands flowing in the air as she spoke.

But Alice...

Perhaps she had been delivering him toward peace with his past all along. And if he was no longer bound by the chains of sorrow, then the future remained open to him. She had told him that it was not a choice between remembering his family or living his life. The Hatter could have both, if only he would let himself be happy once more.

And he would!

"Tarrant, did you hear me?"

His heart jumped within his chest, startled. Had she heard his thoughts?

"Yes, Mirana. The time has come for us all to make peace with our pasts."

The Queen nodded, satisfied that he had been listening, and she went on to speak of her ideas for the gala's menu.

Hatter smiled to himself, feeling a bright beam of hope rush through his body.

Yes, he felt that he could do anything. He could make peace with his past, and he would do it with Alice by his side.


	12. Chapter 12

By any standards, the Hatter was quite mad.

Anyone who knew of him was aware of this, for madness was one of the Hatter's most defining traits, second only to his colorful appearance. The man had a number of obsessions and nervous ticks, and was prone to walking into the odd living memory. If there had ever been a time when he had not been mad, then that time had long since fallen out of Underland's memory.

Yes, mad the Hatter was and mad he would forever be, but the man was not so far gone as it could sometimes appear.

Hatter was very clever, so clever that he had come to learn how to use his madness as a sort of cover during the time of the Red Queen's reign. Playing the part of a complete lunatic had been too easy and had fooled the Knave many times. But that sort of madness had all been an act; when the Hatter was not being threatened with a beheading or being pushed into recalling his deepest pain, when the Hatter was left alone to work quietly at his leisure, his mind could become so calm as to resemble that of a sane man.

He enjoyed the calm that his work brought him, yes, he had been away from his craft for far too long.

Bright jade eyes looked over the freely scattered materials set before him on the long table. He had spent years in envy of the palace workshop, even going so far as to model his home shop after the large room in the White castle. While his home shop had grown to be quite impressive, it was still nothing when compared to the resources of the palace.

There were bolts of material in every shade and fabric he knew of, and a fair few that he had never seen before. Wire mannequins lined the walls in any size he could need, while shelves held needles, spools of thread and sizing scissors to no end.

He had not been in the palace work rooms in years, for many different reasons. It had not been safe, he'd often told himself; there had been no more orders for new hats, he had been busy bringing the Resistance together, very good reasons all. But these rooms had held a special sort of torture for him after the Horunvendush Day. He had not returned to these rooms in over ten years.

Standing before the working table, Hatter could feel his mind drifting into a memory, and he did not fight it. He could not...

Years ago, when the Hatter had been a young member in the White Court of Marmoreal, he had brought Issa to the palace rooms so that she might she where he worked. They had dined together several times and taken many walks, but this was a special occasion. Issa had agreed to be his wife only the day before. Tarrant had proposed to her in the garden behind Hightopp manor.

Hatter smiled, recalling the scene. Issa had not allowed him to finish his proposal, she had thrown her arms around him and simply said _yes, yes, Tarrant, I will be your wife!_

"Then as my wife, you will be a member of the Royal Court- I've been trying to have Mirana see your designs for weeks, but the Queen is always so busy. She will see them now, you will dress the royalty!" Tarrant had told her excitedly.

Issa's wide smile had matched his own as he'd shown her the vast workshop and all it held for them. "Tarrant, this is more than I ever could have dreamed- and to think, it was all down to a spool of black thread!"

" _Midnight_ black thread, Issa. I think that I will make you a hat- yes, a hat! The most perfect hat for my most perfect bride." He'd said, drawing her close.

"Midnight black, how could I forget? Tarrant, you know I don't need any more hats, you've made me dozens already, though the first is still my favorite." She kissed his cheek. "Did you know that I almost chose to open my shop in Sardan, rather than Witzend? We might never have met!"

"I would rather not think on such a thing. We did meet and I am very happy."

Issa pressed her lips against his. "I am very lucky and very happy. It will be a new life for us both, you know. I never thought I would find a man like you. Where I'm from, there were no others who understood me, so I left. And thanks to that midnight black thread, I am happier than I've ever been. I feel...I feel that I've found a new home. It's all because of you, Tarrant. You've given me the world."

Tarrant had kissed her and shook his head. "I am the lucky one, love. And where did you say you came from again?"

Issa smiled playfully, seeing through his ruse. They had played this game before, many times. Her origins were a secret mystery that he had yet to unravel. "I'll tell you anything, Tarrant, but I'll never tell you that!"

He had laughed and chased her through the aisles of fabric bolts, two mad young things shrieking with love for life and for each other.

_So many happy years ago..._

Hatter took in the scene of the empty work rooms and sighed.

_I still miss you, Issa, and I still have love for you. I think a part of me always will. But it is as Alice said, and it is Alice I care for now._

Distantly, he could feel a small hand on his shoulder, though he knew that he was alone in the room.

_I love you, Tarrant, you were my first and only. But our time was taken from us, it has ended. Know that you are free to love again. Tarrant. Take care of Alice, for I know she will take care of you._

Yes, the Hatter was mad, but the voice he heard had not come from his own mind. Of that, he was sure.

______________________________

"You've been at this piece for quite some time now. I'm beginning to think that you've lost your touch."

Hatter looked up and saw Chessur's form coming into being on the end of the craft table. The cat stared at him and swished his tail. He shook his head, a bit irritated at the interruption. Couldn't the cat see that this piece required careful concentration?

"I haven't lost my touch in the least. This part takes time, is all. If you did any work you would know that."

The cat padded forward to have a closer look at what was taking so long. Ah. It seemed that the Hatter was stitching in a pattern by hand. Yes, that would take a long time. They sat in silence for a time, the man working and the cat watching. The needle went into the body of the hat, dragging a golden thread in its wake, and the Hatter pulled the needle out again, observing the progress of the intricate pattern.

Chessur shrugged and flew to the floor, where a basket of yarn balls was kept. "I'm a cat, if you remember, and work isn't for us to do. It's you humans who are so consumed with creating things that the next human will just destroy once it displeases them. Such a waste of time." Chessur found a ball of yellow yarn and began to entertain himself by rolling it between his paws. "Who is that hat for, Tarrant?"

Hatter did not even glance away from his work. "Alice."

_Needle in. The thread drags through. Needle out._

"Ah, sweet Alice. I saw her earlier today in her room before those pups chased me out. Why are you making her a hat?"

"Because I haven't had a chance to make one for her yet. I've only made her one dress, but I'll make her another once I've finished with this. She needs more day dresses, and a special dress- it will be blue, the brightest, most beautiful blue."

The cat seemed to consider this. "Issa was the one who made dresses. Will you be making dresses for the Queen now?"

Hatter shook his head. "No- or, perhaps I might, for a time. I imagine that Lady Mirana will employ a new seamstress in time but I will be her hatter once again. She and I are planning a gala in a few weeks time."

Chessur looked up. "A gala? There hasn't been one of those in years!"

Hatter set his needle aside and looked down at Chessur on the floor. "I know that you'll turn up, you always do when there's some free food to be had."

Chessur flicked his tail and jumped onto the table in indignation. "Not all of us have talents fit for royalty, Hatter. I would teach the Queen to evaporate but then she might be tempted to disappear for all time, and where would that leave us?"

Hatter nodded. "You are right. Best leave the evaporating to the cats of Underland. Careful, Chess, I need that thread." He reached out and caught the spool before it rolled off the table.

Chessur circled the hat in curiosity. He understood that humans felt a need to clothe their bodies, he simply could not understand _why._ If they were born unclothed, then what was the harm in remaining so?

"Tarrant, why are you making things for Alice?"

Hatter replaced the thread into his sewing kit. "Well, I want her to have nice things, and I promised her that I would make her as many dresses as she wanted so long as she stayed with me. And I want her to stay with me, I do. I am very happy with her in my house."

"Clearly. Will it be the same as with Issa?"

Hatter blinked and turned to him. "What?"

"You made Issa a hat, and then she went to live with you. And then you were married. Will it be the same way with Alice?"

This was a rather abridged version of the Hatter's history with the lovely dress-maker, but the simplicity of the cat's first question weighed heavily between them.

"I...it's not the same." Hatter said. _Is it?_

It wasn't the same as with Issa. There would never be another Issa, as far as Hatter was concerned and Alice...well, what about her?

After she had agreed to stay on in Underland for a time, he had made the decision to bring the girl into his house and to move forward with her in his life, and he cared for her very, very much...but, to court her? Was that what he was doing?

Only days ago, he had not been able to think of Alice as a woman until she had told him of the marriage proposal from her world. But he had moved past that and accepted that she was the same Alice, though her body had changed in their time apart. During their night at the White palace, seeing her dressed in a woman's chemise nightgown had awakened something in him, some strange, heated thrill that he had buried within himself years ago, though he had still not found the time to examine that recovered feeling.

While Alice had shared his home, she had kissed him, embraced him and coaxed him to tell her the truths of his past. She calmed his rages and did not shy away from showing him her affection. She made him feel lighter, even when he became upset from her questions about his family. She made him feel that he was not alone inside.

Were all those things proof of a deeper bond between them?

Hatter looked down at his hands. They were shaking now.

He wanted Alice to stay with him, for her to never return to the Otherworld, for he did not think that she would be happy there. And he wanted her to be happy. More than anything, he wanted Alice to be happy. Happy, healthy, and full of muchness. He wanted her to stay in his house, so that she would be close and he would not have need to worry after her...but he was not sure that he had thought beyond this. Court Alice? Marry her?

"Why is it not the same with Alice?" Chessur asked. "She lives in Hightopp manor and the two of you are rarely parted. I thought you would already be mates by now."

Hatter frowned. How could he explain to the cat what he no longer understood? He'd thought Alice to be his best and most cherished friend, but now that the idea of something more had been introduced, everything seemed changed. _Different._ It was all dreadfully different now and he couldn't bring his focus back to the way things were before Chessur had posed his question.

_Nosey gossiping cat._

He wondered what Alice must think of him, if she thought he was courting her and if she could even be receptive to the idea.

"We're...no, we're not wed. I don't know if she would have me."

The cat looked back at him with bored eyes. "Would you have her? She's not as interesting as Issa was, but the girl is pleasant enough."

_Would I have her? Would she have me?_

Hatter looked away from the cat. "I don't know. Now is not the time to think of such things, I have to finish this hat for Alice."

"To what end, Hatter?"

______________________________

Randa, Carel and Lrala were masters of the feminine arts, and so Lady Mirana had shown some wisdom in assigning Alice into the care of the nymphs. Not only were they entertaining creatures, but they could also be fiercely protective, should the need ever arise. Thankfully, though, the White palace was safe again, as was the whole of Underland.

For their part, the nymphs found no end to their amusement at Alice's blushing and embarrassment. It was as if the girl had never even spoken of men before! Did she know nothing of them in her world?

"Perhaps in time you will want to know more of men, Alice, and we will tell you everything." Carel assured her as she brushed the girl's hair.

Alice shook her head, "I'm not against speaking of them, just not like this-"

"How else would we speak of men, if not plainly?" Lrala asked from across the room. She was setting out Alice's night chemise- a slip of pale spring green, meant to be topped with her white robe.

"Maybe just not quite _so_ plainly," Alice suggested, though she knew it would be no use. Asking the nymphs to change their ways would be like asking the White Queen to dress in black- it simply would not happen.

"Keep dreaming, Alice." Randa teased.

Alice slipped into her chemise and belted her robe loosely at the waist; she was washed, oiled and freshly dressed, feeling much more relaxed after such a busy day.

She and her nymph companions had taken to chasing after the bloodhound pups, who had chased after poor Chessur. The cat had disappeared into a tree in the courtyard, but the pups had wanted to play, and soon the Hare and Dormouse had joined in their games. Playing, letting herself forget the strict edicts of propriety, was a blessing that Alice had never known in London.

Wearing the short dress that Hatter had made for her, daring to show her knees and arms, would be grounds for gossip against her reputation. Living with a man who was not her husband would likely have her expelled from high society, but playing like a child, whooping and laughing...well, Alice might have found herself arrested by Scotland Yard for lewd conduct.

She knew all of this, and could not stop her smile. Only in Underland could she be free to act on her every impulse, only in Underland would she know the true, real happiness she'd always longed for.

Her yellow dress had been washed very carefully by the nymphs and had then been hung up to dry. Alice looked at the garment and ran her fingertips over the material. Such a bright, cheery color and cut in such a strange way, showing her legs and arms and even the deep V of her chest. No, Alice knew she would never see another dress like it in London or anywhere else in Europe.

This dress was completely unique in the world, just like the man who had taken such care to make it for her.

Alice said goodnight to the nymph attendants and moved to the open balcony of her room, just as she had during her first night in the White palace. Underland stretched out to the horizon, beautiful and mysterious.

_Could I do it? Stay here, leaving everything I've ever known?_

Alice knew that she could not. For all its strict expectations of a young woman, there was no place like London. London was her home. And what remained of her family...for all their disagreements over petty things like stockings and the current style of waistcoats, Alice loved her mother. What kind of daughter, what kind of woman would she be if she simply vanished from the world, leaving her mother with no answer as to what fate had come upon her child? It would be a cruelty beyond measure.

And Margaret. Could Alice have ever hoped for a kinder, more beautiful sister than Margaret? Margaret, who was a realist and never listened to Alice's ramblings of Dodo birds and smoking caterpillars, but she'd never teased her, either. Where some girls were troubled by bullying sisters, Margaret had only ever wanted the best for Alice: the security of marriage to a kind husband, in all hopes a Lord or a Duke, healthy children, a happy life- the happiest life a woman could expect.

Even as Alice stared out over the landscape of Underland, she felt tears well in her eyes. Her heart felt tight. She missed her mother and sister. She missed their house servants. She missed her cat. She missed the bustling streets of London, the gossip, the salons and parties. She missed her whole world.

At first she had agreed to stay in Underland with the understanding that she would return to her own world within a few days- but much had changed since then. The Hatter wanted her to stay with him. He needed her, and Alice...Alice knew that she had responsibilities to her other life, but the prospect of remaining in Underland was a tempting one. She wanted to stay with him, she missed him already, but her bond with the Hatter did not outweigh her family ties.

The time was drawing near, Alice could feel it. Soon she would have to choose one life or another- Underland or London. There was a life left unfinished in London, questions she had to answer, a future that cried out for focus. But in Underland, she was free in a way that she had never known before.

_I know that I have to go back- but not yet. Not yet._

She could not drink the vial of Jabberwocky blood. It was too soon.

There was still so much yet to be done in Underland...perhaps London could wait just a bit longer...

There was a knock at her door, startling her out of her thoughts.

Alice tightened the robe about herself and opened her door. She smiled to find Hatter on the other side of the threshold. "Good evening, Hatter. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"I have something for you, Alice. May I come inside?" There was a wrapped gift in his hands, he held it out toward her.

Alice smiled as she took the wrapped parcel from him. "I feel that my palace room has been turned into a railway station! Nymphs, cats and puppies have been in and out of here all day, so why not add a hatter to the list?"

Hatter shook his head as he stepped forward into the room, "I told you I'd make a better room for you in my house. I know girls such as you appreciate private rooms for all of your secrets."

She raised a brow. Was he hinting that he knew she'd kept the vial of Jabberwocky blood?

"I don't keep any secrets from you."

Hatter scoffed lightly, "Of course you do. You're a woman now, it's in your nature."

"Hatter-"

He spun quickly, facing her for just an instant before resuming his stride toward the open balcony. "Yes, I am a hatter! This becomes easy to forget, since I have not had much time to practice my trade. But that will change, you'll see."

Hatter looked out over Underland and took a few deep breaths, seemingly building up his nerve.

He turned back to face Alice. She really was lovely, with those pretty blue eyes and her long golden hair. And she was so kind and so strong; this was the young woman who had slayed the Jabberwocky on one day and made him face his past in another. She was not mad, but she understood him. And he understood her. Hatter blinked. He wanted Alice in his life, yes, he did. He cared for her very much, and while he was unsure now if she wanted to stay with him, he hoped that his gifts would help her to choose in his favor.

He moved in close before her and put his hand over the parcel she held.

"Alice, we all must pick up the thread somewhere along the way back to our lives. Open your gift."

Alice was not at all sure why the Hatter was speaking with such sudden gravity, but she had come to accept his ways as part of his mad charm. Nevertheless, she did what he wanted, and opened the box he'd given to her. The box itself was so plain, but inside was a living treasure.

Inside the box, wrapped in delicate yellow tissue paper, was a fedora of such a shade of spring green Alice had only ever seen on the new leaves of apple trees. Even her night chemise could not compare to such a shade. With great care, she lifted the hat from the box. Sewn into the brim were patterns of golden stars and pale pink blossoms; there was a silk band of matching pale pink tied about the base, much in the same style of Hatter's tophat, though Alice's band did not leave a tail to drape down her back. Embroidered into the silk hat band were the letters **A.K.** , done in matching golden thread.

Alice gasped at the sight of it. "Oh, my! I- Hatter, this is...it is lovely, Hatter, just beautiful."

Truly, Alice felt that she could feel the care, the love, that went into this creation.

Alice put on the fedora, pleased to feel its reassuring weight and fit. She moved to a mirror on the wall and took in her appearance. She was not a particularly vain girl, but she thought that she looked wonderful, both for the beautiful new hat and the smile on her face. She could not be not sure, but she thought her eyes looked brighter for her happiness.

Hatter stood beside her, and he bent to speak softly. "This is the first of many. I will see you in all colors."

"Then I can't wait to see them- thank you so much." Alice moved to embrace her friend, even happier to feel his arms twine about her waist to return her affection. This was another cherished freedom in Underland; that she might embrace a friend and not be cast under the disapproving eye of society's expectation toward propriety.

"You are very welcome, Alice." Hatter kept her in his hold for just a moment longer before he took a step back. He then brandished a handful of envelopes from his coat pocket. "And look at this, new orders! Now that our White Queen has been returned to the throne, the people feel safe to go out again- and no one, _no one,_ goes out without one of _my_ hats. It is known that I hat the queen, and so everyone wants to look like a royal. At this rate I will be making hats all the way through Octember!"

Alice brought her hands together. "That's wonderful! You get to do what you love again."

Hatter replaced the orders in his pocket. Taking Alice's hands into his, he drew her out to the balcony. He liked being with Alice, just the two of them. Despite his hesitation toward Chessur's questions, Alice had become his favorite person in all the known lands. "Isn't it? Just think of the dresses I'll make and the cakes I can buy for you- you'll be the envy of every girl who sees you when we go into town."

Alice wanted to smile for her friend, she wanted to let herself fall into the lovely life of endless tea parties and new hats that he'd laid out for them to share. But conscience was eating at the back of her mind. To stay in Underland would be to abandon her life in London completely.

Her mother. Her sister.

How could she do it? Turn her back on her entire world, choose Hatter and the fantasy that surrounded him?

_I can't stay. Not forever. I can't. Forgive me, Hatter, but I can't stay with you._


	13. Chapter 13

Hatter breathed in the curling scent of cinnamon tea and took a long sip. The liquid was sweet, the way he preferred it, and very hot. His eyes fell on Alice as she sipped from her own cup, then carefully dipped in her scone. The morning sun was coming in through the balcony, its rays were dancing in her hair, making it appear bright gold. A pleasant breeze had come into the room, carrying birdsong in with it.

The man was happy that Alice was wearing her hat. She looked very pretty to him that morning.

"Alice, what do you do with yourself in the Otherworld?"

It was the morning following their return to the palace of Marmoreal, and Underland bloomed under the clear sky up above them. Alice glanced at her companion across the low table. They were alone, thankfully. There were no nymphs to fawn over him or puppies to distract her.

They had spent most of the night together, speaking of all nonsensical things and confiding their secret wishes. Hatter had learned that Alice had always wanted to fly like a bird, and the girl had been bemused to learn that Hatter carried the secret longing to be sane for a day, simply to know what it would be like. To have an even, calm mind unburdened by voices, visions and fantastic ideas- what would that be like?

Hatter had fallen asleep only after he'd seen Alice into her bed and made sure the blankets would keep her warm through the night. He himself had taken the chair for a few hours' sleep before waking and bringing breakfast to her room.

Alice smiled at his question. "Oh, so many things. I study history and literature, I practice my sketching and the pianoforte, and I'm learning how to properly set a table for company…"

"That all sounds perfectly useless."

Alice laughed and set her cup on the table. Mad as he was, the Hatter always spoke his mind. Perhaps one day she could be so brave."I couldn't agree more."

Hatter took up the teapot and poured her another cup.

Even though it was early in the morning, so early that most of the palace was still sleeping, Alice had dressed for the day in her yellow dress and put on her spring green fedora. Hatter knew she loved the dress and her hat, but he would have to give her more, always more. He wanted her to choose him.

"Stay on and I'll teach you to make living art."

Alice took the refreshed cup from him, "You'll teach me to make hats?"

He smiled at her. "Hats and more. As the last, I intend to make sure my clan's work lives on through me. Come to the workshop today and help me for a time. I'll make you every beautiful thing you could want."

__________________________________

Upon stepping through the door to the workshop, Alice could not contain her amazement at the sight of the space- the stocked shelves, the reams of patterns, the endless bolts of fabric in every shade and material, the sized mannequins, the buttons, the feathers, beads and ribbons- all of it hidden behind a plain wooden door on the midlevel of the south tower. This workshop was a treasure trove of potential.

Hatter watched as she stepped forward and allowed the space to encompass her. In a flash, he recalled how thrilled Issa had been when he had first showed her inside.

Alice turned to him, her smile wide and true. "Hatter, this is your workshop? Just look at it, it's impossibly large! And all this material, you could make hats until the end of time!"

She moved to the table where he had made her hat the night before and picked up a pattern sheet. His erratic notes were written in the margin beside the sketch for another short dress, scribblings that could only make sense to the madman at the door.

_Puffed sleeves. Rose. Streak of jade? Slippers. Tie. Waist cinch/empire. Pearl. Hurry! Hurry! More!_

Hatter shrugged lightly. He was glad of Alice's happiness, but his excitement for the palace resources had dimmed in the face of loneliness. The workshop had become much less fun when he was the sole craftsman left in the Queen's Court.

He took a seat on the high stool beside Alice. "It wasn't meant to be mine alone, this workshop is meant for all the dressers of the Court. It's mine for now."

Alice pulled a stool to the table for herself. "I hope Mirana will find others, it wouldn't be fair for you to be doing everything by yourself."

"I am happy to be back at craft. I won't be alone here for long."

Alice's smile faltered. _Please, don't ask me to stay._

Hatter took a piece of paper from his jacket and handed it to her. "I've another idea for you, Alice. A new dress. If you would care to fetch me everything on this list, I'll start it today. You will be a vision!"

His only hope for the day was to spend time with Alice, to please her with his work. This was what made him happiest in life, to be with his lovely friend, to be free to make lovely gifts for her.

Alice took his list and ventured off into the endless aisles of material with a basket on her arm, content to play apprentice to the Hatter for the day.

Her choice was made. She would return to London. When, she was not sure. She did not have a day in mind, but she knew that she could not hide from her responsibilities in Underland for much longer. She might have already stayed too long.

The Hatter was wonderful; she had never felt the pressure to present to him in the way that she'd been paraded around the _ton_ in London after her debut into society. Despite the turn that their friendship had taken in the past few days, Alice knew, she _knew_ , that the Hatter would never hurt her. He would never demand anything of her that she could not give. Yes, the Hatter was wonderful.

But Alice could not stay. It would kill her to leave him, but she could not stay.

___________________________________

As Alice picked her way through the bolts of material and strings of glass beads, the Hatter set out his tools: the scissors, the silvered needles, his paper and pens, his trusty measuring tape and the patterns he'd drawn the night before while Alice had slept.

Ah. The preparation. The anticipation for the finished project…the thought of Alice's smile when she saw it…

"Here you are, Hatter."

Alice set the basket and the list on the table beside his elbow. "I got it, everything you asked for. Rose silk, Silvered thread, the gold appliqués, the-"

He clapped happily to see her filled basket. "Oh, yes, yes, Alice, thank you! You know, I won't be needing any of that until later. I want to teach you the first things I learned. I'll show you how to embroider handkerchiefs, how to crochet a tea-cozy and the like."

"That sounds wonderful." Eager, the girl took a seat beside him at the table and watched as he threaded two needles and carefully handed one to her.

Hatter was then largely silent as he showed her how to weave a simple **X** pattern into a scrap of plain cloth.

Alice followed his method, but she quickly found herself distracted as she watched his hands. These were hands of pure talent and deft skill, capable of making such fantastic things, and here he had slowed down to show her how to do the simplest of tasks. Her eyes stopped following his movements and began to focus on the hands themselves.

He was wearing a pair of fingerless gloves, dark green, giving great contrast to the stark white coloring of his exposed skin. He wore a thimble on one fingertip, while the rest were deeply stained a dark orange. Alice hadn't an idea of what could have tattooed his skin in such a way; his hands did not look healthy to her, but she knew better. Hatter's appearance was entirely deceptive- it was those sickly hands that had loved a wife, carried her to safety and very nearly killed the Knave.

Hatter was mad, but he was anything but sick.

"What has your attention, Alice?"

She looked up and felt her cheeks redden at being caught staring. "I'm sorry, Hatter. I was just looking at your hands."

Hatter flexed his fingers and looked at them, trying to see what had her so interested. They were only hands to him, the same hands he'd had all his life. What did she see that was so special?

"Why are they colored this way?" Alice asked. She took his hand into both of her own and traced the stains on his first fingertip.

Her light touch was making that strange thrill climb through his chest. Hatter ignored it.

"I'm a hatter, and the dyes always stain the skin. It's a mark of the trade, you know. I once met a hatter who had been at it so long that both of his hands were stained through and through. I'll be lucky if I have half the stains that he did at the end of my career."

Stained hands were the mark of the master hatter?

Alice laughed. "I suppose that's a good goal to have."

"Yes! No hatter could ask for more! Stains to prove his skill and a full schedule of orders to show that his work is in demand."

"And all that will make you happy?"

Hatter shook his head, "It would make the hatter in me happy, but a man is more than his work. Seeing the Red Queen and her Knave sent away made me happy. Having my Lady Mirana back on the throne makes me happy. If you chose to stay in Underland for all time…well, that would give me no end of happiness."

There was nothing Alice could say to that. The Hatter's face was so full of open hope. He wanted her to stay with him, it was what he had wanted since their time together in the Red Garden. He wanted her to stay with him in his house, not just as a guest at his endless tea parties, but as his most cherished friend and, if the nymphs were to be believed, as the woman in his life.

The Hatter was still smiling at her, waiting for some kind of response.

Words failed her.

Alice simply smiled back to him, which seemed to satisfy her friend.

The Hatter turned back to his cross-stitching, reassured that Alice would stay with him. After all, he had told her what she meant to him, and she had not said that she would leave. Therefore, she must mean that she would stay with him in his house. Grand!

Alice stared down at her needles and remained silent, giving rise to the Hatter's false hopes.

It was the cruelest thing Alice had ever done.

_____________________________________

Hatter flexed his fingers and raised surprised eyebrows at the time. "We have been at this for a time, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have had you-"

Alice looked up from her pattern and smiled at him, "It's perfectly fine, Hatter. I like being your apprentice. I couldn't ask for a better teacher."

"Oh, it's not me. I'm only teaching you in the way I was taught."

Her interest piqued. "Someone taught you this craft? Who was it?"

"My father. He was a cobbler, but he taught me the hatting trade. He said I had a talent…it's already midday, Alice, and I'm sure you would very much like to stretch your legs."

Alice's stomach rumbled slightly as she thought of the meal to be had in the palace kitchen. She started toward the door but turned back once she realized that Hatter had not moved from the craft table.

"Aren't you coming?"

"Oh, I never take luncheon when I'm working. I'll be here when you come back."

She smiled. "Is that a promise?"

Returning her smile, Hatter nodded. Yes, more than anything, he wanted Alice to stay with him. She made him feel warm, and so very happy.

_He could not lose her to the Otherworld._

"It's the only promise I can give."

____________________________________

"That is a very smart hat, Alice. May I ask where you got it?"

Alice looked up at the sound of Randa's voice. The nymph was above her, perched on a branch of the nearest flowering tree in the courtyard. She was startled to see her attendant, not just at her unexpected presence, but that the nymph seemed entirely _changed._

Gone was the delicate vision of femininity, Alice was presented with a clawed creature that the Chesire cat might envy. Long golden claws extended from Randa's fingers, fierce to match her talon feet. Alice had never noticed the feet of a nymph as being clawed before; but clearly there were many things about the nymphs that Alice did not know.

Randa climbed down from her branch with feline ease. As Alice watched, the golden claws at her hands seemed to retract, while her taloned feet faded in the wake of transformation. Randa returned to Alice as the delicate nymph she'd encountered on their first meeting. The only hint at her inhuman heritage were her full violet eyes.

"What was _that?"_

Randa raised a brow at her, nonchalant. "What was what?"

"That! You changed, you had claws and…and…"

The nymph shrugged. "Don't get so upset, all nymphs have a special talent. Carel can breath under water. Lrala sings to hypnotize men."

"And you have claws?"

"They've served me very well. If you doubt it, ask the Knave about nymphs and their gifts." Randa huffed.

Alice thought back a few days, back to something the Hatter had said, and she pointed to her eye. "You mean that you-?"

"Yes. A few weeks before the Horunvendush Day, the Knave captured us and held us prisoner in the dungeons of the Red Castle. All it took was a song from Lrala to have him release us from our cell. I gave him a parting gift to repay his kindness." Randa explained things to her in a very offhanded manner, as if her exploits were a bore to even think of. Perhaps she had told the same story often enough to those who were curious. "Enough talk of nymphs and Knaves, Alice. Tell me about this lovely hat."

Alice took a deep breath. She knew where this would lead, but she didn't bother lying to the nymph who clearly already knew the answer to her question.

"The Hatter made it for me."

Randa feigned surprise, though her interest was clearly piqued. "He did?"

"Yes, he gave it to me last night."

Randa began to follow Alice through the courtyard. "You are a very lucky girl, Alice. It isn't every day that the Hatter courts with gifts."

"I knew you would say something like that! For the last time, he isn't courting-"

The nymph laughed at her, "You are too naïve for your own good! What is the man doing, if not courting? He wants you, Alice. Open those big blues of yours and see it- the Hatter has been alone for so long and he's ready to have a woman in his life once more."

"You nymphs are all impossible! The Hatter doesn't want me that way."

"Oh no? Then why was he chatting it up with the Cheshire Cat last night?"

Both Alice and Randa turned to find Lrala approaching them.

Alice hesitated before asking, wondering if she even wanted to know. "What did they say?"

Lrala smiled at both Alice and her sister. Even more than men, the nymphs loved to share secrets. "Only that after the Hatter gave Issa a hat, she went to live with him and then they were married. The cat thinks the same will happen with you. You see? This is what the Hatter wants. What say you, Alice?"

"I…he hasn't said a thing about getting married or anything like it!" Alice was growing tired of this subject very quickly.

Randa put a hand on Alice's narrow shoulder. "Then he will soon. You've been with the man for many days and never spoke of love? It must be brought up!"

Lrala nodded eagerly, "Ask the Hatter if he loves you- he will say yes, and you will know passion with him!"

Alice sighed, "That's not what we-"

"You will know passion someday, why not with the Hatter? He is so kind, and very talented, and he cares for you very much."

Alice tried to pull away from Randa but the nymph's grip held fast, "We're great friends but there hasn't been any mention of that."

"Think on it- he is a good man!"

"He's a great man! Hatter to the Queen, hero to Underland!"

Alice rolled her eyes, "You nymphs think he's using his gifts to bait me."

"It is possible- craftsmen do not give their gifts freely. Think on that, Alice. Why would he give you anything, if not to dazzle you into staying as his new wife?"

The simple fact was that Alice had thought on this; how could she not when the nymphs managed to twist the Hatter's every innocent intention into one of scheming manipulation?

Yes, she had thought on this, and the thought of a lifetime spent with the Hatter was so tempting. To live in this world of magic with the only true friend she'd ever known, to give life to his empty house and...perhaps, someday, to explore what he had unknowingly awakened within her...

But no.

The thought of the Hatter's longing for her only strengthened her resolve to leave Underland.

It pained Alice greatly, but she knew that she could not be her friend's only hope for happiness.


	14. Chapter 14

In and out. Again. In and out. Stitch through the loop. Again.

_Yes, she will love this. She will be so happy…I hope this will make her happy enough to be with me. If not, I will make her another and another, until she stays…_

As was entirely too common for master craftsmen, the Hatter often lost himself in his work. It was where he was safe, it was where his creations could come to life.

All memories, all fears and troubles fell away from his concern. His mind calmed itself into a rare singular focus. All Hatter could see was the pattern laid out before him. All he could feel was the glide of the silk; all he could hear were his own thoughts, determined and hopeful that, once finished, this garment would make Alice happy enough to abandon her every connection to the Otherworld.

She could not go back there, to that strange place where the flowers did not speak and madmen like him were kept locked away from the world. Cats that could not disappear and things of glass and wire that could light rooms- imagine! And the girls like Alice...surely they were not nearly as lovely or as amusing as _the Alice_ , but what was their place in the Otherworld?

Alice had made mention of a few things that were to be expected of her, but most of it had confused Hatter. Something about 'good matches in marriage' and 'proper showings to society' for young women, whatever all that meant. He didn't much care what London had in store for Alice, just so long as she put it all from her mind and chose his world over her own.

_She must stay! She must!_

Hatter knew himself. He was a selfish man, both in his cravings for food and his demand for the finest materials in his work; and most certainly, he was selfish where Alice was concerned. From the moment she'd wandered up to the Hare's tea party, he had put in the effort to keep her to himself. Subtlety was not his strong suit; she alone was to ride his hat and ponder his riddles. After the Frabjous Day, it had been Alice alone that he had dreamt of sharing his house. He wanted Alice to stay in Underland, surely, but more than that, he wanted her to stay with _him._

After all, what fun would it be if Alice chose to stay at the palace of Marmoreal and he was left to the empty halls of Hightopp manor? No, that would be no fun at all. It would be...a terrible thing...

Hatter shook his head, banishing the vision of himself wandering the corridors, from one empty room to another.

_No. Alice will stay. She'll be happiest here, and she will share my house. We will be happy together._

He took a calming breath and looked about him, at his long craft table, now covered with swaths of fabrics, needles and thread spools. Further away, a small army of mannequins was dressed to please the eye. The man smiled to himself. Yes, he was proud of his work, and very happy that he could gift his talent to Alice.

If the only way he could convince the girl to stay would be to make her all the dresses and hats she could want, then so be it.

Hatter relished the challenge.

________________________________

"You are not a horse, so why the long face, Alice?"

Alice turned away from the vanity table and set her hairbrush aside. "Hello, Chessur."

The wispy, curling cloud of blue smoke hovering over her bed formed into the large tomcat, and for once his smile was a touch less wide, a bit dimmer than it should have been. He walked to the edge of her bed and sat down, flicking the end of his tail. He watched Alice for a moment, taking in the sadness on her face. "Are you missing someone?"

Alice gave the cat a weak smile. For such a disinterested animal, he was very perceptive. She moved away from the vanity and came onto the bed to sit next to the cat. "It's something like that. I haven't seen the Hatter since this morning."

The end of his tail flicked again. "He's in the workshop, buried under his work for the past seven hours. I've seen him this way before."

"Obsessed?"

"Yes, yes. That is a good word for it. Obsessed. But why should his obsession make you sad?" Chess asked her.

Alice shook her head and looked out to the view of Underland through her balcony. It seemed to stretch out forever, waiting for her to explore. There was nothing she wanted more, but the cost would be too great.

"It's...complicated."

The cat moved toward her, his smile growing wider with each careful step. "I'll listen if you-"

"Scratch you? I knew it! Very well, come on then." Alice beckoned the cat with her hand, spearing her fingers through his thick fur, stroking him, from the back of his neck down to his tail. The cat arched under her touch and began to purr.

"Go on, Alice. I'm all ears."

The world as Alice knew it in London and the living fantasy of Underland were different in nearly every way except for this; the comfort to be drawn from an animal. Whenever Alice had been saddened or in any way stressed, she had reached for Dinah, and her tiny gray cat had always been eager to help. Now, removed from all she'd ever known, Alice could take comfort from another cat, one infinitely more wise and amusing than her own.

"I just wish that leaving Underland wasn't so hard."

Chessur looked at her. "It's not hard. You know how to get back to your world. All it takes is one little sip."

"I know that. I just mean, I don't want to hurt the Hatter by leaving." Her hand continued its rhythmic stroking as Chessur moved into Alice's lap, laying down with his chin resting on her thigh.

"There is no way to avoid that, Alice. You'll either stay in his house and make Tarrant the happiest he's been in years, or you'll leave and break him."

Aliced sighed lightly, feeling the anxiety return to her chest. "Things are very simple in a cat's mind, aren't they?"

"Of course. Have you ever seen a stressed cat?"

"No."

"It is because we are very simple creatures." Chessur explained easily as he twisted in her lap, presenting his belly to be rubbed.

"I can see that. Chessur?"

"Hmm?"

Alice felt like a fool for even asking him, but on the whole she thought the cat might have better advice to offer her than the nymphs. "What would you do, if you were in my place?"

"I'd scratch to the left."

She tugged on his tail. "I'm serious."

"All right, fine, since you're so determined to bring me into this. The Hatter will be hurt if you go, but there are things you must do in your world."

"Precisely."

Chessur closed his eyes as Alice continued scratching him, his words nearly lost beneath his purring. "Then…go back to your world for a time, do what must be done. And then you can return to Underland and be with the Hatter. What could be simpler?"

Alice paused in her stroking, much to the cat's annoyance. "I don't know if I can do that, find my way back here again."

He opened his eyes and frowned at her. "You humans, you think too much. Hatter is a man in his prime and you are a female of breeding age. What is there left to think about?"

"Oh, Chessur! There's a little more to it than that."

"Not if you're a cat. We're not very picky in choosing our mates."

Alice raised her brows. "Clearly. I wish I could choose things as easily as you can."

He nodded. "It would save you a great deal of time. The Hatter is crafting you no end of gifts. He believes that you will choose him for his talents. I wish you would."

Alice thought on that; it hadn't ocurred to her that anyone other than the nymphs would be in favor of Alice staying with the Hatter. "You do? Why?"

"Simple enough. Tarrant is happier with you in his house. It is good to have my old friend back, and what would that house be without a cat?"

"You'd want to stay at the Hightopp manor?"

His smile returned, coy and convincing. "Well, if you're inviting me to stay…"

She lifted the cat from her lap and hugged him close to her chest. "You sly thing."

Chessur faded to smoke in her hands and then reformed, perched on her high footboard. "The pups are all over the palace. A return to the quiet life at Hightopp manor would be nice."

Alice couldn't help but laugh at him, and then at herself for her foolishness. "You're really no help to me at all!"

The cat stared at her for a long moment. "I can't choose a life for you, Alice. No one can."

"I know that you're right. I will choose for myself. I just hope Hatter can understand."

"You know he won't. You can only hope he'll forgive."

Chessur chose to stay with Alice that night, and to let her hold him when she seemed to need it. One moment she would be pacing up and down the length of the room, and then she would turn her attention to the view from her balcony. When the hour finally grew late enough for her to settle into the large bed, Alice did not seem able to find sleep; her body twisted beneath the sheets, much to his annoyance.

He saw her dilemma as a simple one that could be solve with Time. Alice could return to her world, and once Time had passed, she could return. Simple. Simple to him, at least, but he was far from human, even when he chose to take that shape on occasion.

Humans were foolish. Their large brains only served to complicate everything.

He glanced at Alice. The girl had finally stilled in the bed.

The cat faded, gliding over to her for a closer look. There were salted tracks on her cheeks, but she was asleep- or, she was determined to feign sleep for his benefit. Either way, Chessur could take a place beside her without the fear that she would roll over on him. He walked over the bed and laid down, curling into the sheets somewhere near her waist.

Memories surfaced as he took his place. He had often slept with Issa in this way, both before and after she had come to live in the house of the Hatter.

_Ah, Issa._

Chessur was sad to think of her, the brilliant girl he'd met on the trail when he'd been barely more than a kitten...

But that was all so long ago now. Issa was gone, lost to ashes.

The cat could admit that he liked Alice, but he understood that she had things to do in her own world.

Still, he would be sad to see her go.

He only hoped that she didn't take what was left of Hatter's sanity with her when she left.


	15. Chapter 15

As Alice moved to greet the sunrise the next morning, she felt her resolve falter. The warm breeze of the morning flowed into her room from the balcony, carrying birdsong to her ears and regret to her heart. She stood at the balcony, resting her elbows on the stone railing. Her eyes wandered over the lands that stretched out before her.

How would she find the strength to leave this place? Underland was so beautiful, so wild and different from anything she had ever known. She knew what London had in store for her: more garden parties, more quadrille, more teas and luncheons with prospective suitors and useful connections. She knew what London had in store for her because she had been there as her sister had leapt through the hoops of society, and now, Alice knew that it would be expected that she do the same.

But in Underland…

Here it was wild and untamed, here there were no formal rules to follow, no strict expectations. There was bliss in adventure here, only unpredictable silliness and fun to be had at every turn. All time was meant to spend with friends, exploring and laughing...and the Hatter really was so wonderful a man...

She could stay. She could. It would be her and Hatter, the Hare and the Cheshire Cat, all together in an endless mad tea party. Alice could see herself dancing on the tabletop, spinning and writhing like a savage girl, glorying in the freedom given to her by this wonderful living fantasy…

But was that the young woman that Charles Kingsleigh raised? A woman who would abandon her mother and sister, her whole world, simply because it would be easier than facing what awaited her in London?

_No._

She could not stay, and she could no longer allow the Hatter to believe that she would. It wasn't fair to her friend; the truth would hurt him so deeply, but to lead him on any longer would be a cruelty too far. Chessur had told her that the Hatter had spent hours crafting new dresses for her, but Alice couldn't let him spend his talents when there would be no reward for his efforts. Hatter had to know that she could not be _his_ Alice; he was not enough to have her abandon her life as Alice Kingsleigh.

Hatter had to know that…she loved him, truly, but she could not stay for him.

Alice felt tears slide down her cheeks as she decided that she would tell Hatter of her decision that day, no matter what happened.

There was a knock at the door, breaking Alice away from her thoughts. How long had she been standing there, staring out to Underland? Time was not on her side.

Cold dread twisted her stomach with every step taken toward her room's threshold. She knew who was at the door, she could feel him.

Alice took a deep breath and moved to answer her visitor.

Despite it all, she felt a delighted flutter in her chest at the sight of her bright mad friend, his arms burdened by several boxes and garment bags. The girl summoned a smile, but it was very weak- how could she smile, knowing what was to come?

"Good morning, Hatter."

Wild jade eyes took in her mussed appearance, her red, wet eyes, and his protective side rose to the surface. "You were crying, Alice. Who did this to you?"

A brilliant lie jumped out of her mouth before Alice could think twice to stop it. "Nothing's the matter. Chessur was here…I think I'm allergic to him."

Hatter stared at her for several long moments, clearly not believing her story, though he did not comment further. He shifted the bundles in his arms. "I've made things for you, many lovely things for Lady Mirana's gala and for all the days between then and now."

He moved past her and set the boxes and bags down on her bed, both excited and nervous to show her what he'd made, all in the hope that she would stay by his side.

Alice stood idle behind the Hatter, watching as he set it all out- boxes and bags, all proof of his determination and talent, all for her. Her stomach twisted with guilt; for a harsh moment, Alice thought she might be sick.

_This wonderful lonely man…_

The girl wanted to stop him, to tell him his efforts were useless, that she wasn't staying in Underland with him, she couldn't.

When she spoke, her voice emerged as a strangled whisper. "Hatter…"

Hatter did not hear her. He knew she had lied to him a moment ago about her allergy to Chessur, but he didn't have the faintest idea of why. He could feel that there was something other than Alice in the room- Hatter thought it might be the elephant again. But why would the tension elephant have come back? Why now when he was so close to having Alice in his world?

He shook off the strange feeling and turned to find Alice pale and upset.

_No!_

The man went to stand before her, even going so far as to cup her cheek in his hand, sweeping away a tear with his thumb. Her face was warm and soft in his hand. "Alice? It's not the cat making your eyes wet. What happened?"

"I…Hatter, I just-"

"I know what will cheer your spirit, Alice! Beautiful things always cheer me, that is why you make me so happy." He moved back to the bed once more and removed the lids to the boxes, then turned to the bags and spread them to reveal the garments within.

Hours of toiling away in the palace workshop had yielded three day dresses and one gown that had Alice's heart in her throat. The boxes held hats, headdresses, trinkets to place in her hair and delicate pairs of slippers and gloves. All of them made with such exquisite skill and the most practiced care.

The Hatter had worked the night through making these beautiful things, all for her, all in the hopes that…

Hatter watched as Alice stepped to the bed and took in the sight of the bounty he'd made for her. She reached forward to graze the gown's skirt with her fingertips and still, she said nothing. It had taken him many long hours, but he didn't feel tired. He felt ready; ready to stay up every night if that was what it took to make Alice happy. And he wanted Alice happy, he wanted her all shining gold and bright blues, he wanted her smiling and seated at his side for the Hare's endless tea parties…he wanted…he wanted…

From the corner, the elephant trumpeted and stamped his great big foot.

Hatter swallowed, feeling that something was wrong. It didn't feel right in the room anymore. He wanted Alice to turn to face him, to say something, anything!

The girl was not smiling; if anything, her expression was one of dawning sadness and Hatter could not understand it in the least. No, he could not understand it; her sadness had his heart sinking in dread.

"Alice?"

She turned to him, her eyes wet. When she spoke, her voice was heavy with regret. "Why did you make these things? What are you trying to do?"

Hatter felt his sense of dread grow stronger. He had felt this way before. "How do you mean?"

Alice's eyes held a great swell of sadness for him. "I know you want me to stay with you, Hatter, I just…it will hurt you so much more when it comes time for me to leave if you keep carrying on in this way."

"What way?"

Alice threw up her hands, overwhelmed with it all. What she had to say would kill him, when all he'd ever done was show her kindness. There had been a time when everything between them was simple, but the Frabjous Day had brought a new beginning for them as well as the whole of Underland. It was all deeply changed now.

"In my world, it would be clear to anyone that you're courting me."

Hatter nodded, seeing it now.

The cat's questions had unnerved him at first, but they had also made him think big thoughts, thoughts he had had only once before, years ago.

Finding some kind of bravery deep within, Hatter took a step closer to Alice, going so far as to stroke her cheek with the backs of his fingers. "You know how fond I am of you, Alice. And…if I began to court you, would it be such a terrible thing?"

Alice stepped away from him. "I can't- I don't want you hurt when I leave."

He let his hand fall to his side, but he did not abandon hope. Why was she saying these things? He could not let her leave him to that horribly empty house. "I've been hurt by worse things. I know you believe you must leave, but I could go with you."

Alice furrowed her brow. "Go with me? To London, you mean?"

He stepped closer once more, his desperation growing, underlying his every word, "Yes, you have been to my world twice now- it's time I made a visit through the looking glass. Think of it- I could find work as a hatter in your world and make you dresses there, we could even-"

Alice took a deep breath. She couldn't let him go on like this, clinging to her like she was his last hope for happiness. She couldn't be that for him. It was too much.

"You would not be happy in my world, Hatter. You would be alone."

"I wouldn't be alone if you were with me."

"No, Hatter."

Her voice was firm. Final.

It was difficult, but Hatter could feel himself arriving at a conclusion. It was a thought that he had had already, but he had not wanted to stay on it for long because the thought saddened him greatly. Alice leaving him was a bad, heavy thought. It saddened him and it made him angry and it hurt, causing his heart to twist within his chest.

Yes, he had felt this pain before.

"I see it now. You don't want to be with me in either world."

His voice held simmering anger. And Hatter's anger was a terrifying thing.

Alice put her hand on his shoulder to calm him, to help him understand, but this time it was the Hatter who pulled away. "Hatter, I didn't mean that-"

"No, that's exactly what you meant! You would be miserable in your world, alone, rather than stay here and be happy with me- and they say I'm mad!" He changed once more, taking her hands into his, his voice softer and his eyes searching hers. "I would give you anything, Alice, anything you could want in Underland, and I ask for nothing in return but your friendship. Why must you leave? That world has nothing for you."

His words rang true in her ears, but Alice could not let him derail her. She had already chosen, and he was not her choice.

"Hatter, I'm sorry."

The man looked at her, his every emotion roiling beneath the surface. He was angry at Alice, hurt by what he had always known would happen, the inevitability of Alice leaving him to that dark, empty house. Inevitable. Yes, Alice leaving Underland was the inevitable thing- it was written in Fate. Nothing he could do or say would make her stay. He was a helpless man again. He could no more stop Alice from leaving than he could have saved Issa from the flames of the Jabberwocky.

_Helpless again. There is nothing worse than this._

He felt the fight leave him, defeated by Alice's choice. "No, no. I'm sorry. I had it wrong. I just thought…I don't know what I was thinking. I'm the Mad Hatter, remember? I am mad. Put it from your mind, Alice. It's as you said…you will soon be gone from Underland, and your man Hamish is still waiting for his answer."

"Hatter-"

But it was too late, he had already begun to fade before her eyes, evaporating away from her.

________________________________

Hatter coughed on reforming himself in the palace workshop, his body sagging in defeat. He lurched to the craft table, leaning heavily upon its surface.

_Alice will not stay. She has chosen the Otherworld._

The seed of fury that had been planted in his heart during the Horunvendush Day began to twist within him, awakened after a few days' respite. Yes, the fury of his humiliation and the pain of being rejected.

_Alice. How could she? I have shown her all that could be hers, and she cast it aside for a life of boredom and misery in that gray place, London. Fine. Let the Otherworld have her. Yes. Let it have Alice and every other cruel girl like her! I don't want her anymore! Let her go back there and never come back!_

Hatter slumped to sit on the floor, the anger subsiding to defeat and confusion. There was a massive weight pulling him down to the floor, settling over his hopes. Alice would leave him to the empty halls of Hightopp manor, alone, to return to her London. _London._ Alice had told him that she was not always happy there- that there were times when she felt lonely and afraid. Perhaps it took a mind unlike his own to understand such a thing.

Why would she do it? Why would she go back to that place? Why was she leaving him?

Rage flared for him, but Hatter could not rise to meet it. He felt that he could do nothing, nothing. He could not save Issa, he could not keep Alice.

What was there left for him now?

"Tarrant."

Hatter looked up, startled to find that he was not alone in the workshop. Mirana stood in the doorway, a shimmering vision in silvered white. She moved toward him and knelt at his side. Hatter felt her hands on his shoulders, but his mind refused to connect to the moment. He felt empty inside, drained of his hopes and energy. There was nothing.

The dark eyes of Mirana took in the sight of her friend, slumped on the floor like a broken doll. She had seen this from him before and had filled her heart with the hopes that she would not see it again. But hopes were meant to be dashed. "Tarrant, what's happened to you? Are you all right?"

His eyes moved to meet hers, forcing his mind to reconnect. It was difficult. All he wanted was to be left alone to his despair.

_My beloved gossiping Queen. She will have questions that will hurt to answer. I want you to leave me alone, Mirana. Go away, you beautiful thing, go away._

Hatter willed himself to speak, though later he found that he had no memory of what he'd said, the lies he told, the act he'd put on for his Queen. Being mad, the Hatter could sometimes be forgetful. The man pulled himself out from under the craft table to stand up, his voice and colors perking under his false charm. "Oh, yes, my Lady. I'm fine. I evaporated and found myself out of practice. I was only having a rest."

Mirana's dark eyes glistened at him. Did the man think her stupid? That after so many years of friendship, she could not see it when he lied? Perhaps so; or perhaps he would tell her the source of his sadness in time. Mirana shook her head at him. "You worry me so. Please try to be careful, you know evaporating can be dangerous. After everything, I don't think I can survive another loss."

_**You** can't take another loss?!_

Mirana smoothed the lapels of the Hatter's jacket. Her friend was hiding something, and she would learn of it, but until then..."The Hare will be coming for you soon."

"The Hare, Majesty?" Hatter asked.

"Yes. I told him to come this way to give you his measurements for the gala. You will have time today, won't you?"

Hatter swallowed. "Of course."

_Of course I will have Time to play with- Alice will be gone away and I will have nothing but empty hours._

"Thank you, Tarrant." Mirana took his hand into hers. What was upsetting her friend, this she did not know, but she felt the need to give him any measure of comfort that she could. "I came by this morning to tell you how grateful I am for you. Not simply for your talents, which are amazing, but I am thankful for yourself. It was your loyalty, your friendship that kept me from despair, even in the darkest of times."

The Queen then did a kind thing. She raised onto her toes and brushed her lips against the stark white of his cheek.

As silent as her arrival, Mirana drifted out the door of the workshop.

Hatter stood, staring at the closed door for several long moments. He felt horrible. His stomach was twisted, his heart was dipped in dread. At once he felt empty and full of rage. He thought he might be sick from this awful, hollow feeling. There was no word that he knew of to name this feeling, though it was familiar to him. It had felt this way when he had gone back to that scortched place, only finding the shreds of his family's remains. It was the knowledge that he would be alone and had been helpless to prevent it.

Yes.

Helpless in the face of inevitable things that sought to crush his happiness.

He had felt it before and he felt it now. It hurt more to know that he would be left alone by Alice's choice.

_I can't make her choose me. I can't keep her here. She will go._

Turning, he looked back at the craft table, at the unfinished uniforms and costumes he'd been commissioned to craft for his Queen's gala, all of them waiting for the skill of his hands. For the first time, Hatter left his work. He didn't want to lose his mind in the glide of fabric and the twisting of the needles. He wanted none of it.

More than anything, Hatter did not want to be alone.

He stalked from the workshop, desperate for cheerful company. Something, anything to take his mind away from the encroaching despair he felt in his heart.


	16. Chapter 16

The songs sung about the table were falling on deaf ears. The games were ignored, the jokes held no humor for him. Hatter looked at the treats on his plate and sighed. The scones and jams held no allure for him, in fact he wanted nothing to do with them. He pushed his plate to the side and let his tea grow cool while his friends laughed and danced about the table. The Tweedle twins, the nymphs, Thackery, Mally and Chessur, all of them were so happy.

Hatter watched them and remembered how happy he had been, just hours ago. He'd been brimming with excited visions of himself at the head of the table with Alice seated at his side. To him that vision for the future was nothing if not ideal; Alice would stay with him at his house, she'd learn to make teas and scones of all flavors while he worked hard for her, crafting beautiful things for her to wear. It would be a wonderful life spent together, and yet Alice had refused it. Her answer had him wondering if Alice had ever cared for him at all.

Hatter shifted in his seat.

The question of exactly _how_ Alice would feature into his plan was still unclear, even to him. It buzzed in and out of his mind, and he was no closer to an answer. Chessur had planted the idea that, perhaps precious Alice could become more than just his companion and playmate. Alice could be those things and more...and Hatter had found that he did not baulk at the thought of taking Alice as a wife. Alice wasn't Issa, he knew, and in his heart he still missed his wife, but her spirit wished for him to live and love again.

No, Alice was certainly _not_ Issa. Alice was not mad, as Issa had been. Neither did the girl did have such talent with needles.

Alice was simply and entirely herself.

_Alice, Alice._

She was full of renewed muchness and had played the central part in freeing Underland from the terrible Red Queen's control. Alice was Champion, now and forever. And despite his hurt, Hatter admired Alice greatly and favored her above all others. She made him feel things that he had fought against for years. She was softness and strength, all the shades of blue in the world.

He had not thought of Alice, or any other woman save for Issa, in _that_ way. His attentions had been held with the dark things for so long, allowing him to feel nothing but rage and terror for years. It hadn't been until he'd laid eyes on her that he had felt any brightness.

_Ah, Alice. Dear lovely Alice..._

Alice was, after all, very pretty and even the thought of her made him so happy...but Hatter felt he could be tremendously happy so long as Alice was simply there with him, either as a friend or a lover.

Lover?

But that was another train of thought entirely, and one that he did not welcome.

The man sighed and looked down at his folded hands.

_She could stay...she **should** stay..._

But no. Alice had made herself perfectly clear; she wanted to return to the Otherworld, knowing all the while that she would not find the happiness there that she had spent her life longing for. It hurt him deeply to know that, given the choice, Alice would knowingly choose the miserable world of her birth over a life spent with him.

Hatter shifted in his chair once more, his thoughts moving slow and heavy through his mind.

_All I wanted was for Alice to stay. Why must she leave? I had such wonderful plans for her, and now it is all gone away. She won't stay in my house, she won't even stay in my world…_

"Hatter? Hatter!"

He blinked slowly and looked up to find Randa settling into the chair on his left. The nymph was watching him with her large purple eyes, taking in his defeated condition. Hatter summoned a weak smile for her, but he could feel that it fell flat. "Hello, Randa."

He knew all about nymphs, of course, as he had known the sisters for a great number of years. Besides their fixation with men, the nymphs were possessing of wonderful talents and were, at their core, creatures of kindness. Hatter would take kindness where it was offered, but he wanted only one thing: for Alice to come running up the path, calling out to him that she had changed her mind, that she would stay with him and make his empty house into a home.

He looked past Randa, to the path that Alice had taken to his tea party those many days ago. It all seemed some wonderful dream whe he tried to remember it now.

_Why did she return to us at all if she doesn't want to stay?_

Hatter had been awoken from a nap to see her heading toward the table, her size and body changed, but the spark of curious spirit had remained within her. And he had been so thrilled to see the girl that he'd done the unthinkable and stomped over the table to greet her.

_And Alice?_

She had looked right into his eyes and she hadn't remembered him.

That's what the Otherworld did to her, it turned her thoughts to society and garden parties, made her so miserable that every last thought of Underland fell from her memory.

Hatter felt his heart clench. He hadn't even thought of it, this horrible thing! Once she left for London she would not remember anything of Underland. It would all be forgotten, everything, all of it meaningless. And Hatter? He would be no friend, he would be less than a memory to her...a shadow, some forgotten dream...

_Alice knows. It's happened before._

Randa cocked her head to the side as she watched the Hatter's face change with his thoughts.

The man's expression, often so wonderfully animated, had been blank for much of the party. Randa liked Hatter, he was among the happy few heroes who had lived to see the Frabjous Day, but he'd sat there at the head of the table, staring into his cup of cold tea, a morose shadow of the man that Randa had known for so long. Hatter looked up at her then, and she watched, startled, as his face changed further with each passing moment.

His colors were draining.

"What's the matter, Tarrant? You haven't touched a drop of tea." Chessur formed himself on Randa's lap, his own expression one of rare concern. The cat was typically indifferent, but he'd noticed the change in his friend the moment the man had arrived on the scene and knew that no good could come of it.

Hatter could hear the words of the nymph and the cat, just as well as he could see the discreet glances being thrown their way from all the other guests down the table. It meant nothing to him. A storm was forming within him, that familiar rage of helplessness, of betrayal.

_She wants to forget!_

He stood abruptly, swaying slightly on his feet. He felt himself succumbing to it, the black anger that he'd lived with for so long. It had never left him, it hd only been sleeping.

The otheres watched as Hatter took up his tophat and moved away from the table, his movements erratic with tension.

"What's this, where're you going?" Mally demanded.

"He might be goin' back to the castle, I'd wager." Tweedledee remarked.

"Contrariwise the castle could come to him." Was Tweedledum's near instant reply.

Carel and Lrala remained at the end of the table, their gazes fixed on the man.

"After all it took to bring the party from the castle, why would be go back there?"

"I think we all know."

"Who isn't here, who should be?"

Carel winked. "The only one who's barely left the Hatter's side."

Lrala smiled, "He's going to get Alice, of course!"

Hatter rounded on the nymph. When he spoke, his voice was ice.

"Forget Alice. We don't need her."

The table fell quiet with surprise.

Hatter was renown for his gentle charm, and any mention of Alice had only ever brought a brighter dash of happiness to his person.

He stalked away from his assembled tea party, leaving only questions in his wake.

______________________________

Alice stood, staring into the space occupied by the Hatter only moments before. Had it happened? Had she, really and truly, told him that she was leaving? Rejected his offer of courtship and a place in his home? She reached forward and waved her hand through the air where the man had been standing just a moment before. Yes, he was gone. Disappeared, vanished in the same way that came so naturally to the Cheshire Cat.

Hot tears coursed down her cheeks and Alice felt her heart tear in pain. Her friend, her confidant. Her best and most loyal companion…he had trusted her with his past and put such hope in her for his future. With choice words, she had killed him. Alice staggered to the chair and leaned heavily on its back, giving her weight to the elegant piece of furniture. She moved to the seat of the chair and hung her head, sobbing hard into her hands.

The Hatter's face remained in her mind, first his look of hope and then that pain, that horrible look of hurt. Hurt and anger and betrayal and…such sadness. Sorrow had been behind his reaction to her leaving, and why wonder?

_I let him fall into the belief that I would stay, that we would…_

The man did not understand. It was clear that he thought Alice didn't want him, that she was anxious to return to her world, to escape Underland and take her place in London with Hamish. That was what Hatter thought Alice wanted, but nothing was further from the truth.

_I don't want London society or a proper marriage. Hatter, forgive me. I just can't abandon my family…_

Alice swiped the tears from her face and stood from the chair. She felt awful. Dread twisted in her stomach and her heart was clenching in pain. There was an emptiness…

She moved to the bed to see what beauty Hatter had crafted for her. And such beauty!

Another sob escaped her throat as she looked over the garments, and Alice greeted her guilt. She wanted to feel that twisting pain, she felt it only fitting that she should punish herself for the pain she'd brought upon her friend. Every detail she took in- every perfectly placed bead, every practiced stitch- gave the girl a wave of guilt that was perversely welcome. Pain was all she deserved.

Alice touched the gauzy skirt of one of the day dresses; it was a soft material of deep rose, the dress would be short when she wore it, perhaps even shorter than her yellow dress. Hatter had sown a sweetheart neckline for her and, true to his love for color, had added a bright sash of jade to the bodice. Ribboned slippers and gloves accompanied the garment.

The sting of tears rose anew in her eyes.

Of anyone in Underland, Hatter knew her best and as a master of his craft, he knew how best to dress her. She knew what care had been put into choosing the colors, in determining the fit and drape of the dress.

Hatter thought Alice was beautiful, he had said so many times, and so he had crafted a beautiful dress for her. All he wanted was for her to be happy and to remain in Underland.

_You didn't let me explain, Hatter. I'm not leaving you for a love of London. I'm leaving Underland for a love of my family._

No. The Hatter had not let Alice explain herself fully. How could he know how painful it was for her to have come to her decision to leave? How could Hatter know that the thought of leaving this magical place filled Alice with pain? He had not remained to listen, he had vanished away from her, hurt and angered by her choice.

_I'll find you, Hatter. I will come back to you, and when I do…_

Alice brushed away her fresh tears, newly determined, and lifted the rose garment. An idea tickled the back of her mind, a vision of herself running to the Hatter while wearing his standard, the gift of his creation.

_Yes!_

Yes, doing that would make him see, would make him understand and forgive. Alice removed her night chemise and slipped into the rose dress, marveling at the drape of the material, how it hugged her body and fell in such a way to accentuate the slimness of her waist, the delicate length of her limbs. And the color! The rose gave a pink glow to her skin, a warmth to her face. The mirror on the wall showed her to be...romantic.

Was this how the Hatter wanted to see her?

It must be. Alice couldn't imagine that there was a single thread that the Hatter had not accounted for; he knew what each of the dresses would do for her. All the others would surely enhance her features in such a way as to make her even prettier in his eyes.

_Fine, then. I'll do what it takes, Hatter, and then we'll talk about muchness..._

Alice put on her slippers and gloves, and then left her room, intent to win back her friend.

_______________________________

Hatter stalked through the forest with the taste of tea still strong in his mouth.

Yes, tea. Tea was dependable; it came to him in every flavor, it was wonderfully warm and sweet.

He laughed suddenly, remembering. It was funny. There was a time when he'd hated the taste of tea, he'd thought it to be bitter and cloying to the tongue. But then Issa had come into his life and changed everything. He'd started drinking tea as a way to visit her in her shop during teatimes, and now tea was one of his greatest indulgences.

Over the years, Hatter thought he might have sipped rivers of tea, both in times of prosper and times of crisis. After Alice's words to him that morning, he'd felt the need to escape the palace of Marmoreal, desperate to quiet the pain in his heart with the distraction of friends.

True to form, he'd rounded up the wild bunch for a tea party.

_Stupid. Tea is awful, it tastes of the Jabberwocky's ashes. I never want to taste tea again._

Angrily, Hatter kicked a stone out of his path, watching as it sailed through the air and into the depths of the dusky forest. It felt good to lash out at things again; his rages had been calmed since spending so much of his time with Alice in the house, but that was all over now. Alice had said so. He was not lost in the madness of bad memories now. He was simply hurt.

Very hurt and very angry.

 _You were meant for Underland, Alice! London has nothing for you but you're leaving to live a miserable life- and I hope you will be miserable._ He thought savagely as he dragged his nails over his arms, shivering at the pleasure of pain. He needed the release of violence until his anger had burned itself out. _Stay in London and don't ever come back- I was fine by myself without you!_

Hatter picked up another, larger stone further down the path and threw it against the trunk of the nearest tree. The collision of stone and wood made a satisfying _smack_ , but it was not enough. No amount of rock-throwing would ever be enough to ease the ache in his heart.

Alice was intent to leave him and Hatter could not understand why. He only knew the pain he felt when he pictured his life without Alice, the opposite of the happy life he'd planned for her to share his home. No. He would be alone in Hightopp manor, without a family, a wife or a true friend. There would be nothing for him, only miles of empty rooms and a dead garden.

"Since you're in the perfect mood for it, I have a pest you could do away with. A rather nasty hound by the name of Roger. Bayard's brother, I believe."

Hatter whirled around to find Chessur in the branches of a tree near the forest path. He scowled, making an ugly mask of his colorful face. "Not you again. Go away, Chessur!"

"What troubles you, Hatter? Beetles in your bonnet?"

"Bonnets are for women, you trouble-maker. Just leave me alone, I want to be alone!" Hatter fisted his hands and turned to move further down the path, away from the cat.

In one way or another, that cat always managed to make trouble for him.

"You want to be alone? I would have thought that these past ten years would have been enough time alone to drive you further into madness. Perhaps they did. It would make sense, given your foolishness."

Hatter kept quiet and quickened his pace. If he ignored the cat, then he might be left alone. Chessur might lose interest and go off to toy with Mally.

No such luck.

Chessur ghosted from tree to tree, following after the man.

"You are a fool, Tarrant. You haven't been yourself since Alice came to stay with you. And you might have forgotten, but I've seen you be this foolish before, do you remember?"

Hatter paused slightly, but he remained silent and kept walking.

_If he speaks against Alice or Issa I will set the Red hounds after him!_

Chessur frowned to himself but continued to follow Hatter down the path heading toward Hightopp manor.

"If you do not want to hear me, then you might want to hear Alice again. You would not be this way if you knew the truth."

At that, Hatter finally turned and found Chessur on the ground behind him.

"What truth is there, but Alice leaving?"

"The truth of _why_ she's leaving, Tarrant. Why would she leave this world, do you think? She's much happier here, she told me."

Hatter rolled his eyes and turned back to the path. "Why are you telling me this? You, who never cared about anything, least of all me."

Chessur felt a rare frustration come over him, and he vanished once more, only to reappear in the air right before Hatter, blocking his way. The man stopped short as the cat formed in front of him. Chessur's famous smile was gone, leaving an angry mask in its place.

"You would believe I never cared for you, and up to the point that you married Issa, you would be right. But leave the past to history, Tarrant. I was with Alice last night. She told me things, you idiot human."

Hatter wanted nothing more than to swipe his hand through Chessur, to forever dispel the cat's form into wisps of smoke. Chessur had delighted in irritating him for years. Still, through his hurt at Alice's decision, Hatter's thinking mind was unbroken.

"What things did she tell you?"

"Allow me to show you, Tarrant."

Hatter took a step back and watched as Chessur changed shape and color, showing off another of his many talents. Hatter knew it was all an illusion, but his heart lurched to see Alice hovering in the air before him in her delicate night chemise, her face regretful and full of sorrow.

Chessur changed position in the air, until his body position matched that of Alice's as she'd sat on the bed the night before, confessing her troubles to the indifferent feline in her lap.

_"I just wish that leaving Underland wasn't so hard."_

_"I don't want to hurt the Hatter."_

_"I will choose for myself. I just hope Hatter can understand."_

The false Alice turned to Hatter then, with those smiling feline eyes set in her pale face. "You see, Tarrant? This was not a choice that the girl arrived at easily."

Hatter shook his head, unable to speak for his shame.

He moved past Chessur's illusion, heading deeper into the forest, determined to reach his home.

_______________________________

"Where are you off to in such a hurry, Alice?"

Alice turned to see Mirana heading toward her from across the courtyard, leaving her advisors behind to greet the girl she'd named her Champion.

She blushed, feeling suddenly very small and foolish under the Queen's eyes. Surely Mirana wouldn't have done such cruelty toward Hatter- giving the man such hope only to rip it away. No, no. The White Queen was a woman of kindness and such wisdom.

_She will care for the Hatter once I'm gone. He won't be alone._

It pained Alice to think in such a way, but she had made her choice. She was determined to leave, and while she knew her friend might never fully accept her choice, Alice was glad that he would not be without friends.

Mirana approached her and took in the sight of the girl, draped as she was in an exotic garment of rose and jade. "What are you wearing?"

Alice glanced down at herself, at the length of her exposed legs and the fingerless gloves covering her hands. "Well, Hatter made it for me and-"

"The Hatter, there is no end to his talents!" Mirana took Alice's hands into her own and gave her a great smile. "You look beautiful, truly marvelous. It seems that Tarrant has found his muse once again."

"Again?"

"After the Horunvendush Day, he wasn't very…well, there wasn't much time for him to give to his craft. But now that things have changed, he has changed as well. He and I are back to our old ways, collaborating for the gala." Mirana confided with a giddy laugh. She looped her arm through Alice's and began to lead the girl in a walk through the courtyard.

Had it been any other time, Alice would have loved to spend time with the White Queen. The woman reminded her both of her mother and sister, at once so wise and loving.

But given the circumstances…

"My Lady, I really can't talk, I-"

"This wouldn't have anything to do with Tarrant rounding up the Tweedles, Thackery, and my nymphs, raving for a tea party, would it?" Mirana asked her.

Alice shivered slightly under the woman's dark stare. She liked Mirana very much, but there was something about her, some great secret that seemed to always be lurking just behind the Queen's gaze.

"He's left the castle?"

Mirana released Alice's arm and stood before her, intent to speak plainly. "What happened, Alice? And none of your skirting the issue at hand."

_What point is there in lying now, or even toying with the truth?_

Alice took a deep breath. "I told him that I wanted to go back to my world."

Mirana nodded sagely, knowing the outcome before Alice could explain. "Ah, I see it now. He took your need to return to those you love as a want to be away from him."

"Yes." Alice said this quietly, hating the feeling of exposure that was coming over her. It wasn't fair that Mirana could know so much from so few words.

"And he was angry. And hurt."

Again, that softly spoken, "Yes."

Mirana shook her head, then moved forward to take Alice into an embrace. "Oh, my poor Tarrant. You must give him time, Alice. Let the storm calm within him. He will not stay away from the palace for long. Go to him when he returns."

"No."

Mirana pulled from her. "What?"

Alice shook her head, seeing the truth clearly before her. "No, the things I have to tell him can't wait. I have to find him now and make him understand."

Alice did not wait to hear the Queen's reply, she ran to the great palace gates and stepped forward, out into the world, alone and searching once more.

The Champion would not fail.

Alice had to find her lost friend.


	17. Chapter 17

It was no comfort to know that Alice had been pondering her flight from Underland these past several days. In fact, the longer Hatter thought on it, the greater his pain- this sharp ache in his heart. He stomped through the forest, showing branches out of his path. He hated this. The pain, the anger and the wretched helplessness that made him a prisoner to Fate.

_After everything, she was planning to leave here all the while…_

Why did Alice want to leave? He'd given her beautiful things, lovely dresses and gloves and slippers, shared wonderful food and teas with the girl. They had spoken of so many things, sharing secrets...but clearly, Alice had not shared her _ever_ secret with him. Sneaky, clever girl. And she'd said nothing of his hint at courtship. Was he truly so awful that she had to leave all of Underland behind?

The hot tears sliding down his cheeks were proof of his pain; he had not cried since the weeks following the Horunvendush Day, over a decade past- but, no! That wasn't right. He had cried during the time he'd shared with Alice in Hightopp manor. His anger flared and he kicked a stone off the path.

That girl had pried into his private affairs and forced him to share his past under the threat of her leaving Underland. Why make the threat when she'd had it in her head to leave all the while? She'd made a fool of him, using his past against him! Hatter scowled, making an ugly mask of his face. Alice's gentle words of ultimatum dripped through his mind, a thick syrup of memory.

_"Can I ask why you turned on me the way you did?"_

_"I will not stay with you if it goes on like this."_

_"I know you want me to stay with you...but it will hurt you so much more when it comes time for me to leave..."_

The man lashed out suddenly. His fist connected solidly with the thick trunk of the nearest tree, his knuckles coming away bloody, and he barely felt the pain of it. The swelling hurt in his spirit was overtaking his body, but still he stalked through the woods without direction. Alice must have learned a great deal about the art of deception during her time in the Red Queen's court.

_She let me believe…_

Hatter ticked his head to the side.

_No. It was me. I tried too hard to believe in an impossible thing, that Alice would stay with me..._

The words had been spoken, the girl's choice had been made. She would return to London, and leave Underland a dimmer place.

Dimmer?

He blinked.

The forest around him had grown dark as he'd been wandering through his pained thoughts. He stopped and looked about himself. The trees stretched high into the sky, their leaves weaving together to create the canopy which blocked most of the stars from his sight.

He sighed. It didn't matter. None of it did.

Hatter didn't need to see the stars to know where he was; the stars of Underland were always changing. The crossing forest trails stretched out before him, leading to Witzend and back to the palace of Marmoreal.

He stood still and thought for a moment.

Perhaps Alice had already fled from Underland on the drops of the Jabberwocky's blood. Perhaps she was still at the palace. Could he go back there, make his visit to her chambers and spend the night in her company?

Hatter swallowed, still thinking hard.

It would be more pleasing to him to be with Alice than to remain in the forest. He could bring her the finest of the palace teas, pour her a cup and coax her into a game, or perhaps it would simply be enough to sit and speak with her…

His stomach clenched in a very unpleasant way at the simple thought of seeing her again, knowing that she would soon vanish from his life. The pain lifted to his heart, crushing and twisting. He groaned at the thought and felt the rise of hot tears in his eyes.

To see Alice at the palace, glistening in her gold and pale blue…no, no, he couldn't.

It would be to Witzend, then, and on to Hightopp manor.

His chest deflated with a heavy sigh at the thought of his empty home, emptier now that he knew Alice would not be sharing it with him. Still. He had left everyone behind at the tea party, and they would not welcome him back.

He had nowhere else to go.

________________________________

_I was sure it was this way…or, maybe I should have turned at that last bend…_

Alice kicked a stone out of her way in frustration. Just when she'd thought there might be a hint of logic to Underland, everything had shifted. Time could be funny in dreams, but in this world, Time was bordering on hysterical.

Hadn't she only left the palace a moment ago, when the day was bright and clear with buttery sunshine? How had it become an overcast night so quickly? It seemed that another storm might on the way, and the thick forest surrounding her only added to the far-reaching gloom.

Mirana had told her that the Hatter had left the palace, running off to host a tea party. Alice hadn't the slightest idea of why he would demand that the others follow after him for a tea, but that he had left the palace without issuing even a half-hearted invitation to her was entirely telling.

Hatter didn't want to see her, and she could not blame him in the least.

In London, gossip flowed freely, and Alice had heard more than her fair share. Tales of foreign cads ruining young innocents, quick marriages taking place to hide a scandalous pregnancy, and teasing women toying with the hearts of smitten men.

Those women, they were typically practiced courtesans. After taking a young buck's virginity, they continued to toy with their naive hearts, both for gifts of money as well as the pleasure derived from cruelty against their betters in society. Alice had enjoyed nothing of what she had done to the poor Hatter, but she felt that she was no less cruel a woman for the pain she'd caused her friend.

She had agreed to stay on in Underland for a time, but during their time in the Red Garden, Alice had had no idea of what the time spent with Hatter would become. It had taken them no time at all to become so close, closer than any friend she'd ever had in London. The Hatter had protected her and guided her through his world, and Alice had been with him every step of the way. Without the constant threat of capture and beheading, they had been free to share more of themselves. And she had learned that the Hatter had so much to share. The life he'd lived after her first departure from Underland had not been a happy one; he'd lost his love, his family, his home, his freedom…

And all because she had been too put off to remind the man of the truth, Alice had taken Hatter's hope for any happiness to be had in a life spent with her. His hurt eyes haunted her, not understanding why, _why,_ she wanted to leave him.

And now, she was lost in one of the everlasting forests of Underland.

It was justice in a way, as she felt she deserved nothing less for her crimes against the last living Hightopp.

____________________________________

"I've seen you this way before."

Alice swiped the tears from her eyes at the welcome sound of the deep, curling voice of mist. "Chessur."

The girl wasn't sure how long she'd been sitting on the fallen log, crying for what would never be the same between her and the Hatter. That was the true tragedy; even if she could somehow return to Underland after leaving for her world, how could she expect the Hatter to trust her again? He wouldn't, and Alice had cried harder for it.

She watched as smoke and mist came together to form the indifferent tomcat before her on the ground. Chessur smiled at her, his wild eyes seeming to glow against the forest gloom.

"What are you doing here, Alice?"

The sigh that escaped her carried all the despair in the world. "I came out to find the Hatter, to apologize and to try to make him see…Chessur, every time I've gone to the palace or Witzend, Hatter was with me. I thought I could find my way, I don't know how long I've been lost out here."

The cat shrugged. "A great long while, from the look of your face. What possessed you to take to the forest alone?"

Alice made a quick move, surging forward and scooping Chessur into her arms, hugging the cat against her chest. In that moment she didn't care about pretense; she was a little girl again, sad and scared and alone, needing the comfort of a soft animal.

Chessur squirmed in her arms but Alice held him tight, needing him. "It all went so wrong, Chessur! I told Hatter that I couldn't stay, but he wouldn't listen. He didn't let me explain why I have to leave. He thinks I don't care about him."

The Cheshire Cat was only half-listening to the girl's woes. There were other things on his mind; he had not been cuddled in over ten long years. To be scooped up by a weeping girl was…jarring at first, but he'd soon calmed within her embrace.

It had been so long, and yet he remembered this.

He had been barely more than a kitten when he'd happened along Issa on the road to Witzend. That mad, beautiful girl had become the only real family he'd known; for two years it had been them alone against the world. For his part, the cat had grown to resent the Hatter for stealing Issa away from him by marrying her, but in his own way Chessur had grown warmer towards the man. It hadn't been the Hatter who had stolen Issa from life, after all.

The day Issa died had changed him as well.

After the Horunvendush Day, Chessur had allowed himself to grow cold and feral; stalking through the forests of Underland and dismissive of anyone who approached him with offers of friendship.

And then came _the Alice…_

"You do care for him?" He asked her. The cat had been surprising himself lately, seeking out Alice's company and being the ear for her confessions. And despite everything, he'd even begun to picture a future not unlike Tarrant's vision; Alice, the Hatter and, of course, the cat, living a new life in the house that could once again be their home.

That vision would never come to pass if Alice returned to London.

"Of course I do. I love everyone in Underland. Hatter, you, Lady Mirana…"

"You could stay."

Alice shook her head and released her hold on the cat, setting him down on the log beside her. Oddly, Chessur missed the embrace.

She stood up and faced the cat, a hint of desperation sneaking into her voice. "Not you too, Chess. Please. I've thought on it, believe me. I want to stay, I do. But you have to understand that I have a life, I have a family waiting for me. I ran away, leaving my mother and my sister. I can't stay lost in Underland. I must return to London."

Despite the truth in her words, Chessur had to roll his eyes. He didn't want to listen to her reasons. "Yes, yes. What's easy isn't always right and what's right isn't always easy. Spare me, please."

Alice closed her eyes for a moment, feeling very tired and still so sad. Chessur's feigned indifference didn't fool her for a moment- he didn't want her to leave; he was hurt by her choice. She sighed heavily, and wondered what she had been thinking to confide in the cat. The truth she had to say pleased the cat no more than it had pleased the Hatter. She hadn't thought that her leaving would be the cause of so much pain in Underland.

She turned to the cat in earnest, feeling that she'd reached the end of her rope. The forest stretched out around her in every direction, stifling in its enormity.

The Cheshire Cat, he would have to be the one.

Alice knelt down until her eyes became level with his own. She tented her hands, pleading with him.

"I've been lost for so long in this forest, Chessur. Please, will you lead me to him? You've done it twice before. I need you to take me to the Hatter one more time."

The cat flicked his tail, considering the situation. Finally, he nodded. "All right, but that's the end of it."

__________________________________

So it went, Alice carefully moved down a narrow trail in the forest, closely following the curls of billowy blue smoke. The cat had agreed to lead her back to the Hatter, and while Alice was grateful, she was also dealt a greater heartache to know that Chessur wished for her to stay in Underland. Would her choice bring no end of sorrow to those so close to her heart?

"Promise me you won't go wandering about the forests again on your own, Alice. They can be quite tricky when they wish to be."

Alice looked up to find that Chessur had formed himself onto the branch of a tree not ten feet before her. "You have my word, I don't fancy another round of walking in circles. Where are we?"

"We're very close to Hightopp manor."

Alice felt her heart dip. "And the Hatter is there?"

The cat twisted, rolling his body while his head remained facing toward her. "I don't know. I would assume he's gone home after the scene he made at the tea party. Our first tea without the fear of being ambushed by the Red Army and all he did was sulk and scowl!"

Alice grunted lightly as she climbed over the trunk of a fallen tree. "I'm sorry that I made him so upset. It's my hope I can make him understand, if I just talk to him…"

Chessur slipped back into the mist, leading Alice closer to the great house outside of Witzend. "You talk a great deal already, Alice. Tarrant is mad, if you recall, and so he won't understand much of anything beyond you choosing to leave here. Perhaps you might only soften the blow when the time comes."

Alice gingerly stepped around a puddle, careful not to dirty her slippers. "If I can soften Hatter's pain, I'll take it. After everything, he doesn't deserve to be hurt all over again."

The cat might have said something further, perhaps a snide remark or perhaps a statement of all sincerity, but instead he chose to state the obvious. "Alice, we've arrived."

Alice looked about herself and smiled. Chessur had lead her through the forest and right into the Hatter's barren backyard.


	18. Chapter 18

Chessur misted forward and flowed into Hightopp manor, forming himself onto the long table near the house kitchen. Alice came in through the back door and looked about for her mad friend. The house was dark, but Hatter might still be about somewhere, tinkering over a pattern or nursing a pot of tea. With the cat following after her, Alice made quick work of searching the lower level of the house, but after a time it became clear to her that the Hatter was not in either the kitchen or the main floor room of the house.

Though he humored Alice in her search, to Chessur's eyes the manor was empty- the house was far too clean and bare of people to give the life of the home he remembered it to be.

Alice frowned and drummed her fingertips on the surface of the table as she returned to the dining room. "Maybe he's gone upstairs, to bed." She said, finally breaking the silence between them.

The cat said nothing. Alice seemed awfully determined.

The girl moved to the room that the Hatter had set aside for her and opened the door. That room was dark and empty inside, but no less charming than it had been when he'd first given it to her. In her own way, Alice missed the cozy room with its garish colors and sweet simplicity. She hoped that this was not her last time to look in on the little room, she rather liked it.

The cat padded down the hallway after the girl as she went from one room to the next, opening doors only to find disappointment on the other side of the threshold.

He kept quiet, sensing that Alice was becoming frustrated very quickly. A quip would only further annoy her.

Alice huffed and slammed the door on yet another empty room. The Hatter would have heard her moving about the house, opening and closing the doors- was he hiding from her somewhere, preparing himself to evaporate away when she found him?

_If he is trying to avoid me, can I really blame him? After what I've done...but I have to make this right._

Together, they moved up the stairwell, retracing the steps she'd taken on her first night as Hatter's guest, after waking from his sleeping draught and finding her friend caught in the deepest despair. The door to his room was closed; was he inside once more, upset over her choice? Alice stood outside his door and took a deep breath…this wasn't like any of the other rooms in the house, this room belonged to the Hatter alone.

If he was there inside, what might he do if she opened the door? Would he smile and welcome her or turn her away? Alice did not know, she only knew that she had to try.

Chessur waited, but then, Alice took a breath and quickly opened the door.

The Hatter's room was empty.

Alice sighed in disappointment. "Empty, just like all the others. The Hatter isn't here, Chessur."

Hesitantly, Alice stepped into Hatter's room and looked about the space. As far as bedrooms went, this room would be very cozy, very warm, were it not for the complete disarray spread about the space. On her first night in this house, Alice had been pulled from sleep after hearing the Hatter slamming about this room, crying out for his lost family. The evidence was still present in the colorful blankets torn from the rumpled bed, the overturned night table. It was all Hatter's doing.

"Be careful, Alice. There's glass there."

At Chessur's warning, Alice looked down. He was right; there were small shards strewn over the floor. She frowned as she followed the glass, finding that it lead to the wall behind the Hatter's crooked chest of drawers.

"What is-?"

Alice reached behind the chest, exploring with her hand until she felt something there that shouldn't be. Mindful of the glass still trapped in the frame, she pulled it free from its prison between the wall and the heavy chest. Her eyes searched over the image and she put a hand to her mouth once she realized what it was that she had found.

Alice knelt on the floor of the Hatter's bedroom, holding his entire family in her hands.

"My God, Chessur, look at this."

She waved the cat over to her, moving the picture so that he might see it. The cat padded closer and sat at her side, filling his eyes with the clan Hightopp. They were all there in living color; Hatter, Issa, Till, Mortan, Lian, Val…so many, nearly too many to name. The cat even saw himself in the photograph, curled over Issa's shoulders. It was striking to see her again; the stab of pain that the cat felt was deeply unpleasant.

"Is that Issa?" Alice asked, pointing.

The cat blinked. Yes, the photograph had captured an image of the Hightopp family, but it was so flat, so dull when Chessur called on his memory of the people that made up the clan. And there Issa, _his_ Issa, smiled out to the viewer with the Hatter's hand resting happily on her narrow waist.

"Yes. That's her."

Alice took in the image of the woman that had been so large a part of Hatter's life, and she had to say that she looked nothing like Alice had pictured. The woman was so like the Hatter; Alice could see the madness in Issa's bright golden eyes.

"Hatter must not have noticed this picture here, he never would have left it on the floor, broken." Alice said. She spoke her thoughts, giving voice to her immediate realizations. "He deserves to have his family back, even if only in a photograph. I have to give this back to him." She turned to the cat, whose attention was still focused on the ghosts of Hightopp clan. "Chessur, will you lead me back to the palace?"

"You don't want to try finding your own way?" The cat asked her, finally breaking his gaze from the picture.

Alice smirked at him, liking that he was back to his teasing ways. "No, I think I've had enough of walking in circles. I'll scratch your back if you lead me back there."

"Hmm…"

"And I'll keep the pups out of my room and make sure you have a saucer of milk before this night is over. Please?" She felt silly trying to negotiate with the noncommittal cat, but it had become a little game to be played between them. Hatter would not be the only one she would miss once she woke up from the dream that was Underland.

As for Chessur, he felt that a proper scratching was just the thing to rid him of the pain of remembrance. Yes, he would like to be back in Alice's room at the palace, pampered with touch and given freedom from chasing puppies.

"You drive a hard bargain, Alice, but I'll take you back. And don't worry after the Hatter. You will see him again very soon."

__________________________________

Following the curling blue smoke that was Chessur was a simple task, though Alice felt her mind was far from ease. Both the White Queen and the cat had claimed the Hatter had left the palace earlier that day to host a tea party and then abandoned his company, but if he had not returned to his home then where could he have gone?

It was silly to worry for him, this man who had spent his life in the forests surrounding Witzend. But Hatter was her friend still, no matter what.

Alice so wanted to find him, to apologize to the man, to make him understand that her leaving Underland did not mean that she didn't love him.

Yes!

Alice cared very deeply for the Hatter, she loved him with the purest love she knew to give, and telling him the truth had been terribly difficult. But it was the truth. She loved the man but she loved her family just as much, and what's more, she owed it to them to return to her life in London.

If the Hatter had gone back to the palace, would he be willing to see her? To hear what she had to say? Most importantly, could the Hatter come to understand her reasons for leaving?

Alice wasn't sure, but she had to try.

________________________________

Hatter narrowed his eyes, trying to concentrate. He had spent most of his life moving in and out of living memories; they came to him on the roiling whim of his own madness, but there were times when he could bring the past to the forefront and lose himself in the comfort of what had once been familiar. After the Horunvendush Day, he had spent many days in the empty workshop of the palace, curled in the corner and losing himself in visions of joyous times with his family. Sensing the vast oceans of his pain, it had been Mirana who had drawn him out and brought him back to life; a part of him was unable to forgive her meddling.

He braced his hands on the edge of the long table, willing his memories forward with too little luck. Hatter blinked and looked up. The house was so dark inside, so horribly empty.

It wasn't fair that Alice should leave. In the Hatter's mind, she should stay there with him and make Hightopp manor a home once again. He would have given her anything she could have wanted, he would have been anything she wanted him to be – friend, lover, husband or all three – but a life with him in Underland was not what Alice wanted.

How Alice could choose to spend her life in London was far beyond him. She had told him that she was not always happy there, that she was lonely, that sometimes she was afraid. What could the people of that place offer to Alice that he could not? He might know the girl better than any of them ever could, but he did not know why she would return to them. They knew nothing of what she was made of- they had not seen her outwit the Knave, face the whole of the Red Army and then slay the Jabberwocky.

In Hatter's mind, one should only spend time with people who were kind and cheerful, people who encouraged and inspired. In Hatter's mind, Underland would not be the same without Alice...but in many ways, Underland would be a safer, happier place because of Alice and all that she had done...

_Ah!_

Hatter reflected that he had many things to be grateful for: that the twisted Knave and the hideous Red Queen had been banished to the Outlands, that lovely Lady Mirana had reclaimed the crown, that more of his friends had not been lost to the war.

Yes, he had things to brighten his spirit, but the source of his joy had somehow become a source of pain. He didn't like it. He only wanted to keep good thoughts of Alice.

_I don't like it here. I don't like it. It's so awful, I hate it, I hate it. Come back to me, please come back, please…_

Hatter held his head in his hands and tried to quiet his despair. Everything was starting to hurt. His heart, his eyes, his mind and spirit. It all pained him so greatly that he felt he could not speak. But the crushing sense of betrayal would not release its hold over him. Alice had built his belief that she would stay on in Underland with him and then after his gifts she had ruined it all.

_She's ruined everything! And for what? So she can live in London and be miserable?_

He staggered away from the long table and made his way into the nearest room, the room he'd given over to Alice. He crawled to the bed and lay down on his side, over the blankets. Vaguely he could sense that the small room still carried Alice's scent in the air, some light flower oil, a gift from the Queen, no doubt. Hatter curled into the fetal position, hugging his knees to his chest. It did nothing to help his heartache.

He wanted Alice, he wanted his family and his home back. Impossibilities, all of them, he knew. But he could not stop himself from wishing for stars all the while. He had no more tears to cry, only dreams that he had to let die.

Time passed slowly in the tiny room, but pass it did. And while the Hatter's mind was tired from sadness and anger, he was still able to make use of the long hours and think on what had happened. He thought of his family, his friends, he thought of all of Underland. He thought of his past pain and how he had survived. He searched his heart and found that he wanted more than mere survival now. It took the Hatter all night to arrive at a choice, but he chose to go on. He wanted to live. It was the only right thing to do.

_I'm tired. I can't go back to the palace tonight- but I will go back. My Lady Mirana needs me for the gala. It isn't over for me. I am still needed._

The man allowed his mind to drift into sleep, horribly unhappy, but not without a direction to take in the morning.


	19. Chapter 19

In the halls of Marmoreal, the White Queen was aware of all things. Whether reclining on the marble throne, brewing any number of potions or holding court, there was hardly a thing that escaped her attention. It was not always this way, when she was new to the crown and naive to the mad lust for power that it could inspire in others, especially those closest to her.

Over a decade ago, Iracebeth had managed to plot behind the back of her sister, and the tragedies that followed haunted Mirana every day. Since the first attack, the Horunvendush Day, every soul claimed and broken family added to the claim on her soul. Had she not made the vow, Mirana would have fought the entire Red Army on her own…but that had not been her Fate. No, that destiny had belonged to Alice alone.

Mirana blinked.

Alice had returned to the palace with the Cheshire Cat during the night before, having had no luck in finding the Hatter. Tarrant. Where had the mad man gone? Surely he would not stay away from the palace for more than a day or two; this was his home just as surely as Hightopp manor had once been. But the Hatter was an unpredictable creature, and Alice had upset him. There was no telling where he was or what he was doing at that moment, but Mirana felt confident that he would return.

The young Queen moved from the table and set her scrolls aside to take in the view from the window which overlooked the large courtyard. The gala date was nearing, and there was still much to do. But to do any of the planning alone was simply not the same; there was no joy in it without the Hatter by her side. For so many years, she and Tarrant had collaborated as one, before her sister's dictatorship they had planned so many parties and games that they had fallen on their count after the first few years; after that horrible first attack, she and Tarrant had collaborated in a different way, uniting their resources to fight the Red evil of Underland.

Mirana dearly hoped that Alice's choice would not keep her friend away for much longer.

After all, every Queen needed her consort.

_______________________________

Several floors below the ponderous Queen, who was relieved to know that he had returned to Marmoreal unharmed, the Hatter could be found in the palace kitchen, waiting quietly for his tea to steep.

"So she's leavin', then?"

Hatter looked up to find the March Hare, Thackery, quite suddenly on the other side of the table. "How long have you been here?" He asked.

"Since before the Frabjous Day. Lady Mirana's cook has gone off and allowed me a place in the kitchen. The Queen will even let me help prepare some of that menu for the gala."

"That's wonderful. You always made the best scones." Truly, Hatter felt glad for his friend to have found a craft what made him happy; hares rarely had the luck to serve royalty.

The hare jumped up to take the chair across from Hatter, and the man realized Thackery held a new pot of tea in his hands. "Have a cup, it's my new recipe. Strawberry cinnamon. It might cheer you."

Hatter swallowed and watched as Thackery poured a cup for him, inhaled the sweet scent. He had many thoughts flowing in and out of his mind, even as his body was sedate. He felt torn over Alice; the girl was changing him again. "Cheer me?"

"Your colors have gone off- you always wore your heart on your face. Have you seen yourself at all today?" To prove his point, the hare passed a silver platter across the table.

Hatter reached for the platter, took in a glimpse of himself and just as quickly looked away, cringing. He did not like to dwell on his appearance, it held little meaning to him- why should it, so long as the garments he crafted were beautiful? But then, perhaps if he had a more pleasing face...

He sighed lightly, taking the common lie. "I didn't sleep well last night."

Thackery shook his head. "Don't try fooling such an old friend, Hatty, we all know about Alice leaving."

_They know, they all know. Why was I the last one told of this? Stay, Alice, I wish you would stay..._

"What of it? I have more to worry about than one silly girl from the Otherworld." Hatter hurriedly tapped the table. "In fact, I should join our Queen in planning for the gala. My place is at her side."

Thackery had no words to say to the Hatter's retreating back.

______________________________

Mirana looked up and felt a broad smile bloom over her face to see her friend. "Tarrant, you've come back."

Hatter forced a weak smile in return, his movements noticably stiff as he entered the room to join her. "Forgive me, Majesty, I was remiss in my duty to the crown. But I have returned to myself for your service. Tell me what I shall do for your favor."

Mirana could sense that Tarrant was once again pulling a mask over his true self, caging his madness and attempting some pretence to distract himself from heartache. She had seen him do this several times in the past when he wanted to escape a painful memory.

_My poor friend, my heart aches for the pain of yours._

The Queen had learned that it was sometimes better to indulge her friend rather than force the issue. Besides, she missed planning with him.

She waved him forward. "Come, Tarrant, the gala is drawing near and I cannot plan the rest of it all alone. I need you."

"I am yours, Majesty."

The man's claims were all loyalty, but his features became more ashen with every word.

Mirana would not let the man run from himself any longer.

______________________________

Alice looked at herself in the mirror and tried to assess her appearance. The second dress that the Hatter had made for her was another breathtaking garment, this one of golden paisley over a background of the deepest crimson. The dress had no straps or sleeves; it was tight in the bodice, leaving her shoulders and the top of her chest entirely exposed. As for the skirt, it bloomed over her legs like a great scarlet flower. The girl reflected back from the mirror couldn't be Alice; the girl in the glass was so...alluring...no, it had to be a bit of Underland magic tricking her eyes.

Was there no end to the man's talent?

The design was so daring, something that she would never attempt to wear in London. But in Underland she was free; it would be this freedom of expression that she would miss the most when she returned home, after the Hatter, of course. The Hatter and so many other things...

"The Hatter always did love his colors."

Alice turned to the cat, bemused. "Do you think he would want to see me wearing one of the others? When I go to him, he has to see me wearing his gifts- it's important. I don't expect you to understand."

Chessur lounged on her bed, staring at her stare at herself in the mirror. "That's fair, since I don't. Do you think you'll find him today?"

In all truth, Alice did not know if they would find Hatter. He was one man in the whole of Underland, after all. But she could not give up hope. She would find her friend, she had to speak with him, to make him see that while he might not forgive her for returning to London, she knew that she could not forgive herself if she abandoned her family.

She sighed lightly. "I hope I do. I can't leave until I've spoken with him."

"Maybe that was his plan, to stay lost so that you stay would on in Underland, searching for him."

Alice turned to the cat. "Could he plan something like that?"

"He's more clever than most give him credit for, and entirely capable of that sort of deceit. You know this, so why bother asking me?" Chessur rolled over on her bed, presenting his belly in silent hope.

Alice laughed at him. "I don't know why I bother asking you anything! Glutton for punishment, I suppose. Are you ready to go hunting for Hatter again?"

"Scratch me first. After that, I've had my schedule cleared just for you, love."

______________________________

Mirana passed a list to Tarrant and watched him carefully as he reviewed the menu she'd prepared. She knew the man; his focus would be on the teas served just as surely as she'd agonized over the main courses. It was just as well, everyone had their favorites.

"I'm glad that you've come back. I know this must be terribly difficult for you."

The words had passed her lips before she had a chance to stop herself…if she had wanted to stop herself.

Hatter turned to face her, his voice suddenly hard as the sharpest of diamonds. It sent a thrill down her spine. "I don't wish to speak of it, Mirana."

Ah. She had expected a harsh reaction to her prodding, and the Hatter did not disappoint. He never did.

Mirana put her hand forward to rest on his chest, her touch working to calm him. She had had to do this many times over the course of their friendship, more often in recent years. "Tarrant. My hatter, please."

He took a step back, his eyes fixed on the floor in shame. "Forgive me, my Lady. I shouldn't have-"

Mirana shook her head and gave him a smile as she tipped his chin up to have him meet her eyes. "Titles, Tarrant? Come now. There should be no titles between us after all we've suffered together. Here, in this room, I am only your Mirana."

He blinked. "My Mirana?"

"I know what troubles you so, friend. It is Alice, she will soon leave us and return to her world."

"You know this?"

"She told me yesterday, as she was leaving the palace to go after you."

_Alice has left the palace? No, she can't!_

Hatter's eyes widened and he moved, hastening toward the door. "I must find her, she doesn't know the way back to Witzend-"

Mirana caught his hand. "Do not trouble yourself, I sent the Cheshire Cat to find her. They have both returned to the palace, together. They're here, they're safe."

Hatter felt relief flood through him, but he was left confused. "She left the castle to find me after-"

"Of course she did. Tarrant, you know she cares for you. Making the choice to leave Underland was not made lightly." Mirana gave Hatter's hand a gentle squeeze of reassurance and lifted her free hand to stroke his cheek. "There is a love between the two of you, a pure bond. Alice brings a light to your eyes that I have not seen in ages. When she is parted from Underland, it will be your memory that will hold fast in her heart."

Hatter pulled his hand from the royal and scowled. "O, so true, Mirana? If Alice loves me then why is she leaving?"

She shook her head. "That is for her to answer. Tarrant, look at me. Alice leaving, I've seen it. There is so little time before your parting, and you of all people should know the value of precious time to be spent with a loved one."

The Hatter fell silent at her warning, all questions and longings quieted within himself.

Mirana moved back toward the table. "Well, then. Enough of this. You and I must finish preparing for the gala, it will be a splendid affair worthy of the joy spread across Underland at my sister's defeat. The main hall is already being decorated as we speak, and I've sent the ingredient lists down to the kitchens. I do hope that Thackery won't help himself to the carrots…"

The Queen went on about the upcoming gala, with the Hatter standing silent at her side.

It was some time before he spoke again, remarking on the menu or the music, but his thoughts were not with his queen. As always, his mind held fast to thoughts of Alice.

______________________________

"I hope you're happy, Tarrant. It's taken a few days, but Alice is finally as miserable as you are."

Hatter sighed in irritation at the voice hovering somewhere above his head.

_First my Queen and now Issa's Cheshire Cat- when will I, the Mad Hatter, be granted a bit of peace?_

He had been leaning on the rail of his balcony, staring into the vast distance of Underland. That mad mind of his, it loved to wander over everything he could see; there he had been, skimming stones on the silver lake, and there, hiking up the hills toward an endless horizon. In his way, Hatter had been able to leave the palace for a time- but then _that cat_ had to intrude into his room, bring him back to the present, and ruin his fond escape.

Hatter blinked as he returned to himself, and scowled. "What do you want?"

"Me? Nothing for myself. But if it would stop her tears, I would have you return to Alice."

A sharp pain cut into Hatter's chest, the thought that he had caused Alice even a moment's sadness.

_No! Alice is not meant for sadness- I would have her smile for the rest of her life!_

"She…cries?"

"Often and unending, yes. And only for you, Tarrant. What did you think? That she somehow delights in your pain? No. Alice cries for the pain she caused you with the truth. And you've been evading her without understanding the very reason why she must leave here. You have proven yourself to be very selfish." The cat came into form several feet before the Hatter, hovering in the air. Chessur wore a scowl to match the Hatter's own.

The man ignored the barb against him. "Alice's reason- do you know this reason why she must leave?"

Chessur turned, making lazy circles in the air.

"Of course I do. But it's not mine to share. I know you hate secrets, Tarrant, but the only way you'll learn her secret reason is if Alice tells you. And the only way she'll tell you is if you go to her."

______________________________

Even in sleep, Hatter thought that Alice remained as one of the loveliest creatures in Underland. He watched her face, pale and tearstained. He listened to her deep, even breathing.

Taking the words of the Cheshire Cat, the Hatter had found himself greatly troubled.

Alice cried for him? The Champion shed tears for the Mad Hatter?

All his angered wishes for Alice's misery had vanished, leaving him unbalanced, empty. He had remained in his room for many hours, struggling to contain the swell of emotion that urged him to run to Alice and demand that she explain herself. Sorrow was a heavy cloak on his soul, married with the fear that once Alice returned to her world, she would forget Underland. Hatter held the fear that, once again, Alice would become a shadow of herself; a wraith living in London, drifting from one unhappy day to the next.

Hatter didn't want that for Alice. He felt it would be a terrible waste for a woman of such _muchness_ to return to a place that would act as a cage over her spirit.

But Alice wanted to return to London alone, she had told him. What secret would bring her tears? How could Hatter help her?

Beneath his anger, there was a loyalty to Alice, an urge to protect. She had broken his heart, but the Hatter was ever by her side.

Which was where he found himself at that very moment. Standing near Alice's bedside as she slept. He blinked, bringing his mind out from his reverie. Alice had moved beneath the sheets and sighed in her sleep.

_What will you dream of in London, Alice? Underland, I suppose. We will be nothing but dreams to you once you return._

His eyes began to wander, and so did his thoughts. With the sheet draped over her body, he couldn't help but make out her shape; the length of her slim legs and the dip of her narrow waist. A heat bloomed in his chest as he recalled the sensation of her hand spearing into his hair, the warmth of sleeping beside her at the inn on the way to Marmoreal, the thrilling alarm of first seeing her skin exposed in a night chemise.

Of its own accord, Hatter's hand reached to her, that mane of pale golden hair too much of a temptation to resist. His fingertips grazed over her long curls for a moment, but Hatter pulled his hand back.

_No, this isn't right. I would have her awake and smiling and happy again. But now she takes the sleep she needs. I shouldn't have come here._

Hatter moved away from Alice's bed, toward the door.

Alice had already made her choice, but he had made a choice that night as well.

While the Champion was determined to return to her world, the Hatter would do everything in his power to keep her in his.


	20. Chapter 20

The Hatter stayed away from her for days, and Alice could only suffer her guilt. All the Hatter had done was express his fondness for her, generously making room for her in his home, and essentially caring for her the way a husband might- though of course he had never even so much as mentioned that he expected to be repaid. No, no, it was in his nature to give, not take. A friend was what Hatter wanted, someone to talk to, a lovely companion to spend his time with.

_And I…_

Alice had made it clear to him that he had no place in her future- how could she have done such a thing?

She had hurt her friend and wasn't even sure why she had done it anymore. Her return to London was more a thing of duty than of genuine desire.

Alice rolled over in bed, taking care not to disturb Chessur as she did so. The tomcat was growing irritated with her restless tossing and turning throughout the last few nights.

_I feel that a hole has been torn open in my heart- I miss Hatter. I miss him…_

The cruel irony was not lost to Alice; in staying away from her, the Hatter was treating her to the same pain that she would cause him by leaving Underland. Chessur was right: Hatter was much more clever than most gave him credit for. Not cruel, simply clever.

Alice slinked out from the sheets, adjusted her chemise and sighed lightly, wondering what to do now that she knew any kind of sleep that night would be a hopeless pursuit. The girl closed her eyes for a moment, took a breath.

If it had been the Hatter's plan to keep her in Underland, in pursuit of him, then it had worked in his favor. It had been several days since Alice had made her intent to leave this world known to him, and still several more that she had spent searching the palace, Witzend and Hightopp manor for her wayward friend. Alice balled her hands into angry fists.

_This cannot go on._

Alice was tired of the game. She was tired of the disappointment, of searching for hours on end and returning to her chambers every night with nothing to show for her effort, and all the while time was passing back in her world- and no doubt her family was missing her. She wondered how much time had passed in London, what rumors had emerged over her absence.

Something was coming, Alice knew.

Some Underland holiday or celebration would take place at the palace; she was unsure of the details, but in her searches for Hatter, Alice had overheard many mentions of special menus, of dances and music to be performed and the like. She had not been told outright, but it all spelled out an occasion to Alice.

The young woman blinked in the dark, glancing to the wardrobe where she'd placed all of the Hatter's beautiful gifts. Of the many dresses, there was only one gown. One gown of such delicate stitching, of such intense color, and meant only for her. Meant only for one special night among so many.

That gown would be worn, and Hatter would see her the night of the White Queen's ball, or never again.

It would be her last night in Underland.

It would be the Hatter's last chance.

________________________________

It was not that the Hatter relished knowing of Alice's pain. Even in his wildest imaginings, he had never fully been able to see himself as the sort of creature that took joy in causing others to suffer. Especially Alice. He had only been angry with her, but pleasure in her tears? Never! But then, Alice had said herself that he was not the same man she had met during her first adventure in his world. He was much changed since-

"You are becoming that dark thing that was planted in you on the Horunvendush Day. How you've been able to ignore her this long, I have no idea."

Hatter quickly turned to the voice, hiding the green bottle behind his back as he did so. "Mirana! How did you find me?"

The woman was standing in the doorway, weightless on her feet, her slender hands swaying before her. His young Queen was lovely in all ways, save for the firm set to her jaw and the anger in her chocolate eyes. Mirana was a patient woman, but the prolonged pain of her friends was too much to bear. That Tarrant would do this to himself, to Alice, she could no longer stand by as a witness. If the Hatter brought her to it, she would command that he return to her Champion. It might be the only way to end this game.

She drifted closer to him. Her hand reached to stroke his face, hoping to plant the courage within him that Hatter had lost. "Come out of this chamber, Tarrant. You cannot hide from Alice any longer."

Hatter looked away from her, his eyes dropping to the floor. "I haven't been hiding."

Mirana did not stop. She knew how to deal with her friend's upsets. She put her hand over the man's shoulder, squeezing him slightly, her tight grip meant to comfort and awaken him. "What would you call this, Tarrant? Alice searches for you while you keep moving about the palace."

Hatter hesitated, his stomach trembling with nerves. The Queen unnerved him, for he knew that she could see his intent and his choice in the end.

_I feel sick- deceit is a sickness that spreads like the plague of evil. Pain and fear are the germs that invade and bring ruin to all good things...but I want Alice. I want her with me, always. She can be happy here, I'll make her be happy here...I will make her happy, after she forgives me..._

Hatter took a breath. "I've...I've been waiting."

It was not a lie, not a complete deceit. All the same, his words tasted false.

Mirana bowed her head at his words, she was all grace, all kindness. "You must not wait much longer, my love, the girl will leave us soon whether she speaks to you or not."

Hatter looked up. "She told you this?"

"She didn't have to. I can see that her choice has been made. She won't look for you any longer, Tarrant. You'll either find her or you will never see her again. It is now your time to make a choice."

The Queen left Hatter alone with his thoughts, dark and unhappy. Her role had been played. She only hoped that the Hatter would play his.

_______________________________

The great hall had been transformed into such a vision of colorful gaity that the Queen felt she must shield her eyes. Colored lights bathed the white marble walls of her palace in pearled shades of vibrant blue, of verdant green, passionate fushia, cheerful yellow. As this was the celebration marking Underland as forever free from Iracebeth, there was not a stitch of red in sight.

The air was scented with the perfumes of the women from the four Player Parties of the Court: the Hearts, the Clubs, Spades and Diamonds. After so long a time spent in fear and suspicion, Mirana felt she could weep from the joy of seeing her women dressed in finery, dancing and smiling. The men were every bit as relieved with the world set to rights once more. Her men were dancing and laughing at every turn, a wonderful thing to see.

Of course, not every man in attendance was so lighthearted.

Mirana glanced at her side to see her poor hatter looking as grim as the crypt, and every bit the color to match. He stood to the side of her throne, his posture ramrod-straight with his hands behind his back. It was not a scowl that marked his expression, more a look of worry, of dread.

She sighed to herself.

The Queen's power for insight had grown over the years, and she knew what Tarrant had planned, his last act of desperation.

She felt for him, but she had to let the cards fall where they may.

______________________________

"This is wonderful. I've never seen anything like it before in my world. No, I've never seen anyone wear anything like what Hatter has crafted. If he came to London and began to design, he would be stitching for our queen within a week!"

Chessur sighed lightly. "Yes, yes, you humans and your love for clothes. I've never seen the need for them myself."

Alice turned away from her reflection and caught the look of sadness on the cat's face, just before he schooled his features into their typical indifference. So. The Cheshore Cat would miss her, after all. It made Alice's choice no easier, but the cat was able to understand. Yes, Chessur could see why Alice was leaving, but he did not need to like her decision in the least.

She moved to him and began to stroke his head. The cat did not belong to her, he was not her pet or possession; Alice would miss him as yet another friend that she must leave behind.

"I'll miss you, Chessur."

The cat opened his eyes. "Don't let me keep you, Alice. It's not me who'll want to be there, in the end."

Alice nodded, understanding. She leaned forward and kissed the top of his head, giving him one last good scratching behind the ears.

"Goodbye, Chess."

She left the cat where he was, and left her room in the palace for the last time.

Even as she closed the door behind her, she could feel the cat's eyes staring after her every move.

________________________________

"I see that Tarrant's talents haven't waned in the slightest over the years."

Alice looked up to see Mirana smiling kindly at her. The Queen wore a gown of white, overlaid with silver and pearled gray silks; in all of Underland, Alice thought that the young royal was the most beautiful woman she had ever seen, and she surprised herself once she felt a wave of sadness that she would be leaving this remarkable woman. The Queen had been much like a guiding light to her after she had escaped from Salazan Grum.

But that guiding light would go out once Alice tasted the blood of the Jabberwocky.

Mirana reached forward to stroke Alice's fair cheek. Sadness flooded her dark eyes, for she would miss Alice, this young Champion from another world. She who had saved Underland with one swift slice of the Vorpal Sword. "Nothing can come of tears, Alice. If we could choose our sisters, then you would have been mine...Princess Alice of Marmoreal. But I am holding you while Tarrant is waiting. Go to him, Alice. End the pain that this choice has caused you both."

Alice stifled the tears she could feel stinging against her eyes. Nothing can come of tears. Queen Mirana was right. She could not break into tears now. She would not.

"Goodbye, Lady Mirana."

"Goodbye, Alice."

From across the room, Hatter had stood, rooted to the spot once he'd seen Alice enter the gala. He felt dizzy. She was moving so fast, coming through the crowd, coming to him.

Any lingering anger he might have had, any harsh words that might have passed his lips...the world fell away into blackness and the only thing he could see was Alice. Beautiful, powerful Alice, wearing the gown he'd crafted for her and looking so like his dream. Hatter felt his heart dip into his stomach once Alice came to stand before him. Her expression was guarded, almost worried over what he might do. But she had no need of worry. She was beautiful, everything the Hatter had hoped her to be.

"You're wearing the gown. I saw you this way. I did. All blues and gold…you are Alice, as Alice always should be."

At his words, the girl released the words she had meant to say for so many days in searching for him. The Hatter had to know, he had to understand...

"I missed you, Hatter. I'm so sorry for everything, I feel that I've ruined-"

Hatter reached for her, overcome. His hand came over hers, and Alice was flooded with relief. She could see that he was no longer angry, that there would only be good things between them this, her last night in Underland. "Alice, please. I can't hear it now. But I can hear music, it is very slow. May I have this dance with you? One last dance for Underland?"

Alice smiled, feeling that a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. "Yes, Hatter."

Hatter felt a quiet calm come over him as he lead Alice to the dance floor. Seeing her enter the ball room had been a thrill to his heart. Realizing that the girl wore his gown was a wonderful thing to his eyes. Alice was so beautiful, so powerful. She made him feel humble and somehow, worthy once more. Her face was open as she moved to stand before him, happy to have him again. Hatter lifted his hands to encircle her waist for the looping dance. She was warm in his arms, soft, and perhaps too thin. But that could be rememdied. He would clothe Alice, he would give her a new home, and he would feed her to bursting.

Alice leaned in close to him, swaying with her hands on his shoulders, even going so far as to rest her head against his chest. Hatter had not dismissed her, he had greeted her with a sad sort of smile, but he was glad to be with her all the same, Alice knew. She could tell by his colors. The last traces of ashen gray had fled from his face once Alice had touched his hand. She knew it there and then that, once she left the Hatter, she would leave with their friendship and his love for her restored.

"This is wonderful." She breathed.

"The gala?" Hatter asked. He wished that he could capture this moment, and live forever within it, with Alice in his arms and music flowing in the air.

"It is, but I meant dancing with you. I've never danced this way."

"The people don't dance in your world?"

Alice smiled lightly, thinking of quadrille. "We do, just…not like this. Or, I haven't. It's not often that I'm asked to dance."

"The people of London doesn't deserve you." Hatter said.

"Probably not, but my family does."

Hatter pulled away to look at her. "Family?"

"Yes, I have a family. My mother, my sister. They still need me, Hatter."

"And you are still leaving tonight. To be with them in your world."

Alice dropped her eyes to the floor for a moment, wishing that she didn't have to speak of her departure. It wasn't fair that she would hurt her dear friend, but what choice did she have?

When she spoke, her voice was small, lacking all of the _muchness_ that she had gained for the Frabjous Day. "…yes…"

_She will still leave- I can see it, no words will convince her to stay. What choice has she left me?_

_But, a family...a family should never be broken..._

Hatter took a deep breath. "Will you allow me to be with you when you go?"

Alice felt her pulse quicken with nerves. In all truth, she was dreading the moment of truth, what might happen to her when the blood of that foul creature, the Jabberwocky, passed through her lips. She wanted the Hatter to be with her at the end of their time together. The great clock on the far wall revealed the time as 76 o'clock. The numbers meant nothing to Alice. She could feel the hour drawing near. "Yes, Hatter. It's almost time. Will you walk to the garden with me?"

Hatter held her hand. "Anything, Alice."

______________________________

No one tried to stop them, or even seemed to take much notice as Alice and Hatter left the gala in favor of the royal gardens, abandoning the crowd for a bit of quiet privacy. Hatter was silent, wrestling with the two sides of his heart. Let Alice leave? He couldn't do it...but could he live with himself if Alice began to hate him for forcing her to stay?

For her part, Alice could sense her friend's sadness. She wanted to ease his pain, but what could she do, really? She could not stay on in Underland any longer than she already had. The Hatter would be hurt, his pain at her departure worse than any other's, yes, but he had to know what he meant to her. As they walked, Alice took the Hatter's hand and broke the silence.

"I meant what I said that night, before the Frabjous Day. I'll miss you when I wake up. I will."

His brows furrowed at her words, for they were of little comfort. "You know this isn't a dream. I'm not a shade, Alice. This world is real and you, somehow you can come and go as you please. Come here, sit with me for a bit." Hatter gestured to an alcove that held a stone bench for them to share.

Alice took a seat, taking care to smooth her skirt before she did so. "I know you're not a dream. I know who you are and what the Red Queen stole from you. More than just your mind, Hatter, she stole your family."

The tragedy was not what Hatter wished to speak of, but perhaps in recalling it, Alice would come to understand why he would make his choice that night.

"Yes. I am the last. I thought their screams might have driven me mad, but I was wrong…it's the loneliness, Alice. It's why I've wanted you to stay. With the Red Queen gone, I will go back to my life as it was before, hatting the court of Marmoreal, and making my home in Witzend. But I will do it alone." He gripped her hands tightly in his own. "I can't bear it, Alice. Please, I need you to stay."

Alice turned from him and pulled her hands away. This was too painful. "Hatter, you know I can't be your only hope for happiness. I can't stay here forever."

She felt his hand on her shoulder, trembling. "But you could! You said it, that you weren't always happy in London. I can make you happy here."

"Hatter, please. I can't. The pain you've felt since your family was taken from you…you're asking me to cause that pain to my own family. You're asking me to abandon them. I can't."

That last caused the Hatter to falter. His desire for Alice to stay would cause pain to others- that constant, unyielding pain of loss...but he would suffer that pain all over again if she left.

_Why should I suffer so greatly? How much more can I take? I can't...I can't let her go...I can't, I won't!_

"I am selfish. I want you to stay with me." Hatter swallowed his fears as he reached into his pocket and curled his fingers around the green bottle he'd taken from the palace. "Alice, I'm sorry."

Alice turned back to him, unknowing of his plan for her. "I'm sorry, too. I wish things could be different. I do wish I could stay, but I can't."

"Will you go now?"

She simply looked at the Hatter for a moment, and then looked about the lovely, moonlit garden that surrounded them. "It's a beautiful night. I'll stay just a little longer."

Her words did not calm the roiling dread in Hatter's heart. It did not matter that he had a little longer with Alice, for Time was always hungry and would eat their last few moments in the blink of an eye.

"When you leave I will be less than a memory, I will be a forgotten dream."

Alice felt the salt sting of tears in her eyes. This creature of happiness had been brought to such a state of melancholy because of her, it was unnatural.

"Not that, Hatter. Never that."

_______________________________

Hatter idly stroked Alice's hand. "I will be terribly unhappy without you."

"I wish I didn't have to make this choice."

"Then don't. Stay here, forget the Otherworld."

Alice took a deep breath. This could not go on. "If you know me, Hatter, then you know I can't do that."

_I knew you would say such a thing, Alice, I know that you will not be bowed. It is why you became our Champion. You've made your choice. Forgive me, but I have made mine. I'm sorry, but I will not be left alone in Underland again._

Carefully, his hand lifted the green bottle from his pocket.

Alice swiped at the tears that had slipped down her cheeks. She could feel it, her moment was drawing near and she began to cry harder for it. "I am so happy here, but I must go. I know that you would have only convinced me to stay a few more days, then weeks and then I would never go back. But my mind's made up. There are still questions I have to answer, things I have to do. I'm sorry, Hatter, please forgive me."

Somehow, he was able to resist the powerful urge to take Alice into his arms and soothe away her tears. But he had to resist, he had to-

"There is nothing to forgive, Alice. In time, it may be you who has to forgive me." Hatter turned to face Alice more fully, readying himself to force the _pishalver_ past her lips. He had done it to her before, such an easy thing to do. The foul potion would make her grow backwards, until Alice became as tiny as a doll. The loveliest and most beautiful of dolls.

He would keep her with him, then, tucked safely in his breast pocket or riding happily on the brim of his hat.

And then, once enough time had passed and Alice forgot the Otherworld, once she forgave him and even loved him, perhaps then he would serve her a slice of _upelkuchen_ and restore her to her right-proper Alice size...and perhaps then...

_Do it, Tarrant, take her!_

"I had only hoped that…"

Alice blinked away her tears and looked up to him. "I know. I'm sorry. You are my dearest friend, Hatter. I think I might never find anyone so wonderful as you again, even if I live ten lifetimes and travel the whole world."

He paused. "Wonderful? Me?"

"Of course! Who else would have protected me, guided me through Underland? You've made me feel safe here, cared for. Even loved."

_Do it, Tarrant. Make her yours, a doll you can keep at your side for all time!_

Hatter felt himself falter, his body shivering with indecision. The hand that held the tiny bottle was trembling as his mind pulled his body first toward one course, and then the other.

_Alice feels safe with me…loved...I can't…I can't keep her. To keep her from her true size, caged in a teapot…to break her family...she would hate me. What am I doing? **What am I doing?!**_

No. Before she forgave him, Alice would hate him; he couldn't have hate come into her heart. If she knew hate, Alice would never be a true Champion again. He will have robbed her of everything. No, no, he could not do such a terrible thing. He would let her go. He would take the pain of loss, once again. Perhaps that was his true destiny, to make beautiful hats and to suffer heartache.

Hatter felt his chest sink in despair, and he dropped the _pishalver_ potion, the bottle falling harmlessly to the grass beneath their bench.

Alice would remain none the wiser.

Sorrow clawed within his chest, the man struggled to speak for his pain. "Alice...a part of me...go. If you do not go now, I may do something...you must go. Please. Can I be with you when you go?"

Alice threw her arms around him, embracing him tightly, almost desperate to remind herself that he was real, that all of Underland had been real. It would be a cruelty too great if it had all truly been a dream. "Yes. I want yours to be the last face I see when I…but I'll come back, Hatter. I will."

Hatter held her. "You won't remember me. When you return to the Otherworld, I'll just be a shadow in your mind, some creature you met in a dream. You'll forget it all."

Alice shook her head in his embrace: "No, no I won't. I promise. I won't forget you and I will come back."

"I wish I could believe that. We don't know what will happen."

Alice blinked and looked up. Some movement had caught her eye from across the garden. For just a moment, Alice forgot her sadness as she saw the White Queen drifting through the hedge maze near the gala hall with Chessur hovering at her side. Of course. Hatter believed that he would be alone without her, but he would never be alone. Underland would always be there for him, always.

Alice released him from her tight hold, still sad to leave him, but somehow more reassured to know that Hatter would still have friends after she was gone.

"Hatter, in time I think you'll be all right."

The man sighed deeply, resigned now, horribly helpless against the hands of Fate. He felt sick. How could he have thought to do such a thing to Alice? He must deserve this pain, to have planned something so wrong.

"I won't. But…I won't be destroyed, either. I'll just be, and that'll have to be enough until you return. Will it be many years until I see you again?"

Alice shook her head. "No. I won't be away that long again."

"How will I know?"

Alice stood up, and Hatter moved to stand with her. "All you have to do is kill Time again. I'll be back before you can even begin to miss me."

Hatter leaned in close, closer than he had ever been. Alice was not taken aback, and she did not resist him as Hatter pressed his lips to hers, softly, and only just for a moment.

"I miss you already. Fairfarren, Alice."


	21. Chapter 21

Alice tipped the vial into her mouth, cringing at the bitter slide of the Jabberwocky's blood. To her disgust, she could feel its heat as it moved down her throat, pooling in the low pit of her stomach. That animal fury, coupled with a cruel intelligence...Alice shuddered. She could taste every soul claimed by that demon.

She blinked, fighting the sting of tears in her eyes and the rising disgust in her throat. It was awful. Not the blood, but the pain of this, the long goodbye.

Hatter stood close at her side, Alice's free hand cradled within both of his own. This creature of Underland, this man had pleaded with her to stay, promising her everything in his power to give for her happiness. But Alice had come to realize that her happiness was not something she could attain from the sacrafice of another.

The Hatter had done so much to change Alice in the deepest of ways…did he have any idea of what he had done? She was more of a woman thanks to him.

With the gentle glide of his fingertips, he had awoken her first taste of sensual desire. With trusting words, he had given her the measure of what a true friend could be to another. With a brush of his lips, he had cemented himself in her history, he would forever be the man who had given Alice her first kiss.

A strange tingle crawled down her spine.

Alice let the vial slip from her fingers once she felt it.

"Hatter."

He blinked at the sound of her voice, pulling himself from whatever reverie he'd called on to take refuge from his pain at her leaving. Eyes of bright jade found focus on her face. Hatter took her other hand once he recognized the fear in her dimming expression.

"Alice? What's wrong?"

But it was clear, even to one such as him. The hands he held in his were naught but air now. His Alice was vanishing, fading like a wraith in the moonlit garden. She was going away, too fast for him to say all the rest in his heart.

"I can feel it…"

Hatter took a step forward, intent to hold on to her, but in the space between seconds, Alice was gone.

He blinked, confused. His eyes searched the garden, looking for her. _Where's she gone? She can't be..._

But she was. Hatter felt it in his bones. He was alone in the garden, alone in Underland once again.

______________________________

Alice blinked once. Twice. Three times against the bright, buttery sunlight. She moved to sit up, groaning slightly as her temples throbbed from the movement. She looked about, startled to find herself surrounded by thick roots and dirt.

_I'm...I'm in a hole, how did I...?_

The girl surged forward, climbing out of the hole that, she realized as she stood, had been at the base of a tree.

Thankfully, the pain in her head was fading with every moment that passed.

Alice pinched the bridge of her nose and rubbed her head. She was in a garden again, though this one was without moonlight and magic. The sunlight of a day in mid-June shone down on her. The air was different here.

_England. London. The Ascots. My engagement! How long have I been away…?_

Alice stood, surprised to find herself wearing her simple blue dress from all those days ago. But her dress wasn't stretched out or torn. Save for a few streaks of dried mud on the hem, her dress was intact.

_How can my dress be…? Mother, Margaret, where are they?_

She felt off, confused and unbalanced, but eager to find her family. To see them again, after so long...

Alice looked about and tried to regain her bearings. It was difficult, but Alice tried to remember. The rabbit in the waistcoat, McTwisp. She had chased him down a footpath and up the hill to the tree with the hole.

It had been the rabbit who had lead her away from the new life awaiting her at the garden party.

_But how long have I been gone? Has it been minutes or weeks?_

No more hesitation. Alice moved down the hill, retracing her steps back to the great country home of the Ascots.

______________________________

Hamish stood, his feet rooted to the spot before the gazebo. The whole of the party was focused on her, on Alice Kingsleigh, as she lifted the skirt of her dress and gave an odd jig with a small, triumphant smile on her face.

_This girl!_

He had never felt this way before, genuinely dressed down and humbled by a young woman.

Alice's words had been in no way cruel or dismissive towards his noble intentions. He'd seen in her eyes that she was sincerely sorry, but no marriage would take place between them.

He watched as the crowd parted before Alice and his father as they headed into the estate, presumably to discuss some matter of business. What on earth would Alice have to say about trade?

There was a hollow, sick feeling spreading throughout his body. The pain of rejection, topped with the sting of a public humiliation.

Hamish was well aware of his own faults; his fastidious manners, his freckled skin, his delicate stomach and his _weakness_ when compared side by side with the other young men of London society. Weakness, yes. His riding and hunting skills were lacking, as was his talent in swordplay and boxing.

But though he had not known Alice for very long, he had held some hopes for their married life. Whatever his faults, Hamish had made the promise to himself that he would endeavor to be a good husband to Alice. He admitted that she frustrated him sometimes, with her wandering mind, but in time he was sure that he might become accustomed to her quirks. He thought he and Alice could have been very happy together, but with a few carefully chosen words, Alice had made it clear that she would not have him.

Hamish blinked and realized that there were several pairs of eyes trained on him, with expressions ranging from sympathetic to veiled mocking. He sighed to himself and moved away from the crowd, heading back to the house. He loosened his collar as he moved, feeling sweat break out on his forehead. Frustration, humiliation, disappointment.

He'd wanted Alice for his wife, but not like this, subjecting her to an engagement party without even a day's notice. It had all been his mother's doing. She'd been so excited when he'd confided that he fancied Alice after dancing with her at a gathering the year before. From there, things had somehow slipped from his control. His parents and Alice's mother had come to an understanding before he had even had the chance to imagine how he would propose.

Hamish let himself into the house and moved through the large kitchen, ignoring the odd looks of his servants. He paid them no mind as he found the brandy bottle and poured himself a generous measure.

_It shouldn't have been like this- I was angry with mother and took out my vexation on Alice. I pushed her away. This party, the crowd watching us…it was too much for her. No wonder she ran!_

Hamish took his drink in a quick gulp and shook his head. _No, I would have had this go differently. Courted her. Asked her when we were alone, in a park or after taking her to dinner on her next birthday. Not like this._

He set down his glass and moved out of the kitchen, intent to find her. Alice deserved an apology for this spectacle, and for his part in it. He felt angry and determined. He'd allowed himself to be cowed for the last time and he would be sure to make it clear to anyone who thought to lead him away from his chosen path. He wouldn't let anything like this happen again.

Hamish speared his fingers through his hair. He knew little of women from his own experience, but he had heard that they could be flighty, caught up in the romance of novels and operas. Women tried to bring such notions into their true lives, even expecting it of men.

Some grand, romantic gesture.

Would that make Alice happy? Would it be enough to earn him a second chance?

Hamish had to wonder. And he had to make things right.


	22. Chapter 22

"I can't believe you, Alice. Rejecting a perfectly fine match in that horrific way, raising your skirt and dancing about like a heathen! How will you present yourself in London now?"

Alice sighed lightly in the face of her mother's anger. They had just mounted the carriage, with the family driver intent to return them to their home in the city. Once the shock of Alice's actions in the garden had worn off, Helen had given way to her outrage, her own sense of insult at her child's behavior.

How could Alice have done such a foolish, damn stupid thing? To reject the proposal of a Lord, and in such a defiant way, flouting the whole premise of marriage. Did Alice have any idea, any idea at all what she had just done to her reputation?

Helen had never been an angry woman; for so many years, she and Charles had been blessed with good fortune. The trade business had kept them wealthy and their daughters, coupled with their love for each other, had been more than Helen had ever expected she'd be blessed with in her life.

The loss of Charles had pained her greatly; theirs had been something of an arranged marriage, but they had grown to love each other after the first year. It had been thankfully easy, he had been such a wonderful man. So full of ambition and imagination, defiant against the limits that sought to halt his dreams.

However.

It seemed that the defiant streak her husband had turned into his greatest asset had been passed on to their dear Alice. And she had shown a spark of defiance by humiliating one of the most powerful and influential families in London.

The girl was mad!

As for the mad girl on the other bench within the carriage, Alice felt exhausted, but within that exhaustion there was an underlying giddiness of a triumph too rarely felt.

Alice was only too aware of the wrath she would face from her mother once they returned to the house, but she had stood up for herself, made the others listen to what she had to say, perhaps for the first time in her life. For that, she could have no regret.

"Mother, please. I know- it…it wasn't something I'd planned. It all happened so fast-"

"And what on earth happened to you when you ran off? You look like you've been dragged through the woods, and I see you've lost my necklace." Her mother scowled. "I don't know what's gotten into you, but you may well have buried what's left of our family!"

Alice understood her mother's anger with her, but once they arrived at the family home, and her mother had calmed down, she resolved to explain things. About the ideas she had brought to Lord Ascot, about her longing for more than what London could offer. Though perhaps she would not mention everything.

_She'd never believe me or understand any of it…_

Alice could hardly understand it herself.

_Underland._

When Alice thought of Underland, when she tried to picture the wild landscape, the Court of Marmoreal and the streets of Witzend, it was as if she was searching through years of foggy memory…or trying to recall a dream long past. It was the strange sensation that the images she attempted to recall were unfocused, blurred from reality, and worse, they were falling away from her mind.

And hadn't the Hatter feared exactly this, that Alice would return to her world and dismiss everything of Underland as a dream? Never thinking of her time there again, going on to live a life that would, despite all the London society smiles, kill any sense of wonder in Alice's spirit.

And Hatter…

Alice felt a sudden pang lance through her chest the moment she thought of him. No. He had to have been real, to cause her such painful longing. And as Hatter was real, so was the whole of Underland, every last inch of it. She glanced out the carriage window, to the grassy green fields of the country, and recalled Hatter's brilliant eyes.

Was he missing her? How much time had passed in Underland since she had left? What had he done after she'd disappeared from the garden?

There was no way to know. Hatter was gone, a whole world away. And Alice was left lonelier than she'd ever been before.

"Alice, we're home."

Alice blinked at her mother's intruding voice. Helen had already moved to leave the carriage, not waiting to see her daughter out of the chamber. The older woman made no hesitation to enter their house; in truth she was eager to put a bit of distance between herself and Alice.

In chasing after some whim, her remaining daughter had doomed herself to a life of spinsterhood and then, no doubt, poverty.

Did the fool girl have any idea of what she'd just done with her ridiculous stunt? Who would marry her now? Certainly not a Lord, who could protect and provide for her and their children.

Helen stormed into the master bedroom and began to pace, her anger shifting toward a dread of the future her child would face. Word would spread like wildfire and her daughter would become a pariah of society- no man would even think to court her, for no man would waste time on the risk of being humiliated by Alice's bizarre moods…no respectable man, anyway.

Helen cringed. What if, out of desperation, Alice took up with a rake? Or worse, a fool or a drunk?

Helen slammed the door to her bedroom, determined never to speak to Alice again for her sin of stupidity.

The kind face of her husband looked back at her from the family portrait hanging above the fireplace in the master bedroom and Helen felt her heart sink. She had spoken to Charles in the weeks following his funeral; she sometimes found herself speaking to him as if he was still there, still loving and listening and alive in their home.

He wasn't, of course. He was dead, for nearly a year now, but what did that matter?

Helen swiped at the tears forming at the corners of her eyes, hating how damn helpless Alice had rendered her with her rash rejection of the young Lord's proposal.

"Charles, help me. Alice has too long been a dreamer and since you left us…Charles, I fear she's gone mad, always chasing after shadows and speaking nonsense. Must I have her committed to have her see reason?"

Helen moved to sit down on the fainting couch before the fireplace, crying for the future Alice had just thrown to the flames.

_______________________________

Alice followed her mother into the family home and, feeling like a scolded child, she headed toward her bedroom. She closed the door and then leaned against it, pushing her slight weight on the solid wood. Her eyes drifted over her room, and she wished that she could remember the room that Hatter had made for her in his house, but it was gone from her mind. One more forgotten wisp of Underland.

She blinked and moved further into her room. Dinah was there on the window bench, waiting for her as if she'd never left. Alice smiled and lifted the small cat into her arms.

"Dinah, Dinah. Hello, my pretty girl. Did you miss me?"

This cat was nothing like Chessur. She could not talk, she could not smile, she could not fly, disappear or turn into different people. Dinah was just a simple, normal cat, with not even a patch of blue fur to distinguish her as anything other than what she was. A plain housecat of London, nothing more and nothing less.

Well. Perhaps that would be enough.

Alice turned toward her bed and sat on the edge, content with the quiet purring of Dinah in her arms and the sounds of the birds and the city outside her window.

Alice glanced down to her windowbench and smiled. She had never thought of herself as childish, but there were a few items that she refused to be parted from; treasures from her childhood, gifts from her father when she'd needed inspiration or just a gift to make her smile. She didn't play with the dolls any longer, they served only as decoration, but she would never give them away so long as she could help it.

Her father had given her several dolls and stuffed animals. A black horse, a colorful bird. Alice surveyed her tiny menagerie and stopped. She hurriedly stood for a closer look, horror dawning over her disbelieving mind.

_Is that…?_

There was the doll from the Queen's fair when she was a girl. Alice felt a cold hand squeezing her heart as the doll stared at her, grinning eternal. It was a small thing, really. Just a silly clown doll with bright green buttons for eyes and orange yarn for hair, poking out in all directions from his cute little tophat-

Dinah struggled out of Alice's grasp as it had suddenly become a vice grip over her small body. The cat jumped onto the window bench and sat beside the small, colorful doll.

Hatter and the Cheshire Cat.

Alice blinked rapidly, staring at the pair of them, her confusion and dread mounting over each other.

_It can't be- can it? They were too real, I couldn't have…but did I? Is that why…?_

Had she simply hit her head when she fell into that hole, and brought the treasures of her childhood to life in a vivid dream? Had it all been for nothing? And Hatter! Her dear, poor Hatter…

Alice sank back onto the edge of her bed, staring at the little doll she'd so loved as a girl. His bright green eyes, his adorably wide smile and that hat, that adorable felt hat of deep plum velvet.

_You can't be him. Oh, God, you can't be Hatter!_

Tears escaped Alice's eyes, spilling down her cheeks in hot, salted tracks. It had all been a dream, just as the Hatter had feared- and she…she was half-mad to mourn the loss of a man who wasn't real.

_No- I won't believe it. The dolls, the dolls don't mean anything, not a damn thing! Hatter was- is real. I know he is. And he had been so afraid that I would think it was all a dream- I won't believe it all came from my own mind. I won't. I can't. It's an impossible thing, but I believe in it. I believe in Underland, in the White Queen and especially, my Hatter. I do. I do, I believe it, I do…_

Alice moved to lie back on her bed, intent to sleep, to return back to that wondrous, magical place, desperate to force the doubt from her mind.


	23. Chapter 23

It was days before Helen faced Alice, days before her spirits had risen at the idea of seeing the girl again. She loved her daughter, but for whatever reasons, her youngest child had shown herself capable of the worst traits one could possess: showing herself as being ungrateful, giving in to willful stupidity, thinking nothing of the harm her idiotic whim had caused, both to the Kingsleigh family name and to the feelings of the young Lord.

_Well, Alice, I'll fix things right and proper._

But, it was a mother's duty to provide and protect. Helen sighed lightly as she looked herself over in the mirror, patting her hair. Yes, she would protect her child in any way she could; strange though, that she had to protect Alice from herself. Helen straightened the front of her dress and rang for her maid. Jessica Smithe, stalwart and loyal as a hound, was never far from the lady of the house.

"Jessica, please do not sugarcoat the situation. I must know."

Jessica hesitated with her report, which only irritated Helen further. "It's…Mrs. Kingsleigh, I've served this family from the start. It pains me, but what Miss Alice did at the Ascots' party is the talk of the town. And not just the upper class, either. It's made the papers, even the peasants know now."

Jessica watched her mistress carefully, expecting an eruption of rage or a collapse into tears...but there was nothing of the sort to be seen. Helen Kingsleigh, a woman of great strength and experience, absorbed the news that her daughter's ruinous actions was on the whole of London's tongue, not batting an eye. In truth, she had expected as much. Sending Jessica to put her ear to the ground had been pointless, as her maid had not reported anything out of the ordinary. She wouldn't be surprised if Alice's foolishness had reached the Queen's ears.

Helen reached forward and put her hand over Jessica's shoulder. "Thank you, Jessica. I'm going to speak to Alice."

"She's sleeping, ma'am. It seems like that's all she's done since you came back from the country."

Helen nodded. "It's hardly surprising. Alice has always been a dreamer, and about now I expect her dreams would be preferable to the waking nightmare she's created."

______________________________

Alice started awake at her mother barging into her room, dragging her away from…from what? Her mind raced through wisps of memory, and came up with nothing but a blur of bright color. Half-remembered colors. That was all that remained of her Underland. She could recall her time there, it was only growing more and more distant in her mind, and she could think of no other way to return.

"Alice, we must speak."

Alice blinked, surprised that her mother had come to see her. For what she had done, Alice had expected nothing less than the woman's eternal scorn…but she must have forgotten. Helen was a mother, with every fierce instinct woven into her being, she was a mother- and though she had spent a period of time being angry with Alice, abandoning her daughter was not a possibility that had entered her mind.

"Mother- have you come to take me away to the asylum?"

Helen frowned lightly as she motioned for Alice to scoot over, to make room for her to sit on the edge of the bed. "The thought did occur to me, but as tempting as that thought is, I doubt your father would be very approving when I meet him again. With the trouble you're causing me, that should be any day now."

Alice smiled for a moment and crossed her legs as Dinah padded over the bed, moving to curl into her lap. "Please don't joke about that."

"Why? Because you'd prefer to have me about, taking care of you, cleaning up after the messes you make?" Helen scoffed. "Well, you've left me with a fine mess this time, my dear girl. Get up, get dressed, and meet me in the foyer in one hour."

Helen quickly stood and moved toward the door.

Alice blinked, confused. "Mother, what-?"

"Oh, didn't you know? We've some shopping to do. Apparently Lord Ascot has agreed to allow you on as an apprentice. You'll be leaving for Hong Kong before month's end."

_______________________________

It was the most logical thing to do, given the situation in London. Alice Kingsleigh simply could not stay in the city while she was the subject of scornful gossip. The solution, concocted between Helen and Lord Ascot the elder several days before, was to simply remove the subject of London's gossip; the furor over what Alice had done at the garden party would die down more quickly if the girl was gone, and some new scandal would inevitably rise to feed the beast.

"It hasn't been the first time a young lady did something to ignite a scandal and it won't be the last. If I keep Alice away for the rest of the season, not a soul will remember what all the fuss was about by the time we return."

Helen smiled at Lord Ascot, for she genuinely liked this man. One would have to search long and hard for someone so forgiving. "You seem to have some practice. I assume you've done this before."

Lord Ascot chuckled and smoothed his jacket. "Some day, Helen, I might tell you a story about my wife- ah, my new apprentice is here! Hello, Alice, it is good to see you again."

Alice's pale brow creased in confusion as she came closer. "Good morning, Lord Ascot. To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"I've come to speak with your mother, actually, and to give you this." The elder Lord withdrew a packet of envelopes and papers from his jacket for her. "Your ticket, our travel manifests, and a list of inventory that you and another apprentice will be responsible for during the voyage."

"I…thank you, sir."

"No, Alice, thank you. It's not everyday a girl brings about such a change in my son- did you know he's grown more interested in the family businesses? And about time too, I think. But I must go, I have a meeting with my barrister and must be off. Good day, Alice. Mrs. Kingsleigh."

Lord Ascot nodded to both ladies and then disappeared out the front door, just as easily as he'd came.

Helen turned to Alice. "Now then, are you ready to visit the shops?"

Alice pinched herself and winced; she was not dreaming, but her life in London had been turned upside down in the past hour. "I…I don't know what to say! I hadn't thought I'd be taken on with the company, let alone leaving so soon- not this year, and certainly not this month. We had only discussed a few ideas, I didn't think-"

"Yes, well, Alice, your habit of _not thinking_ is the reason Lord Ascot offered to take you on with the company in the first place. He and the board of trustees had already been in talks of exploring the Orient. After the stunt you pulled, he's offering you a respite from the trouble that we'd have to deal with if you were to stay- and you would be the world's greatest fool if you refused this opportunity. Since you think marriage is beneath you, let's see if you can't make some use of yourself in the business."

Alice watched, dumbfounded, as her mother put on a shawl and stepped out, into the street. It seemed like any other day, as if they were simply off to the shops to look at the season's latest selection of hats and shoes. She hurried after her mother down the sidewalk. "Mother, wait. To avoid the scandal, you're sending me away?"

Helen stopped to face Alice, firm in her stance. "Alice, don't think that way, that I'm exiling you to the east. No, child. The last thing I want is to send you away from me, but what you did at the Ascots has left us with no choice. If you stay, your every step outside of the house will be scrutinized, gossiped about. There will be no prospects- no worthy prospects for you if you stay, do you understand? Lord Ascot is the soul of kindness to offer you a way out and I'll be damned if you don't take it."

Helen turned, intent to start their shopping trip. She wanted to be done with it all, to return to the peace and quiet of the house, but she knew that wishing was a waste of time. The day's trip about London and the next few weeks would have to be endured, just as all of life's hardships had to be endured- but Kingsleigh women were not wilting flowers, their _muchness_ ran deep through the family tree.

Alice fell into step with her mother, feeling dizzy with the news. She would be leaving her city, her country, to travel with the company that her father built. And she would be alone. Truly alone in another world, without Hatter to guide her.

The thought was as exciting as it was terrifying.

______________________________

"From what Lord Ascot told me, Alice, it will often be cold on the ship, but warmer than what we're used to when you arrive in the east. We have much to do and so little time, but today is a new start. You'll need to be fitted for a coat, new gloves and stockings- which you _will_ wear- a corset and more than a few dresses, both winter and summer weight…"

Alice listened as her mother walked a half-step ahead of her, going on about the clothes- clothes!- she would need for her sudden trip with Kingsleigh Trade. Alice loved her mother. Helen had held their world together after the death of her father, but Alice didn't know what to make of her mother's attitude on the current situation.

Helen had ceased her anger and replaced it with the confident authority of a woman assured of a carefully laid plan. While Alice had been sleeping, desperate for the dream of Underland, Helen had been conspiring with Lord Ascot the elder, laying the groundwork to repair her daughter's reputation and future.

Yes, as Helen went on about the shoes Alice would need, thinking all the time that, _this time_ , this time it would work.

_Alice will have Lord Ascot looking after her. The gossip and rumors will die down, and by the time she comes back no one will think anything of that foolish thing she had done a year before. Yes, it will all be well._

It was a lovely picture of a life that Helen imagined for Alice. The tragedy was that she would not see it come to pass.

______________________________

Many weeks, and many more days later...

It was a blur, a whirlwind of travel, of absorbing an entirely new culture, of homesickness, of friendship, of exhaustion and excitement. Time was working against her again, meshing her days together, blurring them at the edges so that she lost track.

_These past few months have all been real, but so amazing that it seems like a dream. Hong Kong is a beautiful place, but it can't hold a candle to...to..._

Alice frowned lightly, losing her train of thought as the boat rocked on the waves. She held the railing to steady herself and pulled her coat more tightly about her frame. The coat was a lovely shade of powder blue that had the curious effect of making her eyes appear bright, more vibrant. It was a warm coat and Alice was happy that her mother had been so insistent that she take it with her on the ocean voyage. It had served her well on her trip to the Orient, and it was serving her very well on the voyage home.

"Drink, Alice?"

Alice turned at the voice and smiled. "Thank you, Hamish."

Hamish Ascot, young Lord and an advanced apprentice in his father's newly acquired company, had, in the months they had spent together, become a close friend. He brought Alice a cup of tea and moved to stand beside her, to watch the sea and stars pass by.

"Excited to be heading home?"

Alice nodded. "Yes, actually. I want to see my mother- we've been writing letters but it's not the same. My sister and Lowell have moved to America, my mother is the only family I have left."

"Well, Alice, my offer of marriage still stands." Hamish suggested lightly.

Alice blinked, startled. It was true, she had grown to care for Hamish very much as they had supported each other throughout their time abraod, but deep down, as ridiculous and mad as it was, Alice knew that her heart belonged to-

"Hamish, you know I-"

Hamish sighed and nodded, already knowing what she would say. "Yes, yes, Alice. I know. But you should know, you're not as alone in the world as you think."

"You're wonderful, Hamish. You'll make some lucky girl very happy some day, but that girl isn't me."

Hamish reflected on her words for a moment, and finally gave in to his curiosity. "Alice, I've been wondering all this time. Was the reason you said no…is there another man? Someone you can't talk about?"

_I can't talk about him- ever. Who on earth would believe me?_

Alice cleared her throat. "Yes, Hamish, it's something like that."

"I thought so. When you came back from the garden, you had this look in your eyes. Can I know his name?" Hamish asked. He was only curious, after all.

"You won't recognize it. He's no one you know."

"Still, it'd be nice to know the name of the man who stole your heart. Maybe when we get back to London he can tell me his secret."

_I haven't said his name since I woke up from the dream of Underland._

"Tarrant Hightopp."

"What?"

"That's his name. Tarrant, Tarrant Hightopp."

Hamish thought on the name, wondering if he'd heard it before. If this Hightopp was part of the ton, or a Duke or a Lord, or even a tradesman. "You were right, I don't know him. Where is he?"

Alice paused.

"He's waiting for me."


	24. Chapter 24

Alice's time back in London after her return from abroad was not what she had expected. It was strange, so painfully ironic, that she had forced herself awake from the dream of Underland to be with her family- only to find herself alone in the end.

During the long, empty hours on the voyage back to London, Alice and Hamish had often found themselves full of longing for home and they would share their hopes for the return. Hamish had enjoyed his time in Hong Kong- the beautiful landscapes, the rich culture, and the chance to prove to himself that he was more than just another spoiled aristocrat- but his heart had remained in England, he'd confessed.

In the heat of the Orient, he'd longed for the bitter, biting cold of a London winter; in the absence of familiar games, he'd often fallen into daydreams of the card tables at the Aspen gentlemen club; when tasting an exotic dish, he sometimes thought of the wine his family imported from Lyons.

He'd missed his mother, his friends, his dogs, his horse. He'd missed the scents and sounds of his home, and had been more than eager to return.

And Alice?

The girl had missed London too, and her mother, her sister…but her heart did not belong to this world as Hamish's did. Though her every thought of Underland was tinged with a measure of disbelief, Alice felt it, in her bones, that her time there had been real. She had taken tea with the White Queen, she rode the Bandersnatch, she had become the muse of the Hatter.

All that seemed so long ago, now. Before her disgrace, before her voyage across the world and back again. Before she'd said a tearful goodbye to her sister. Before her mother had fallen ill.

_So long ago now..._

Alice reached into her satchel and dug through the contents until her fingers grazed the familiar softness. She withdrew the tiny doll and cradled it in her hands, this colorful avatar of Hatter. Her heart leapt at the sight of it, and her mind called on distant memories of him for comfort. Hatter's kindness, his gentle madness, his pain at their separation.

Painful separations. Alice was learning all about those.

Dinah was gone. The maid had told her that her adored little cat had disappeared shortly after Alice had departed with the company. Margaret was gone, moved to America with Lowell and their children. And her mother…Alice looked about her company, all of them clad in dreary blacks and grays, like herself.

Helen had joined her husband.

Alice felt her chest tighten with sadness and pain. Her parents had been the world to her, and with cruel efficiency, they had been taken from her on the whim of a sudden illness. It wasn't fair. She couldn't even express her anger at the death of her mother and father; it wasn't _proper,_ it wasn't _her place_ to question the plans of a higher power. The words of the pastor, of well-meaning family friends, were of no comfort to Alice.

She sighed to herself and sunk onto a bench placed under a large tree. Had Helen been there with her in life, Alice was sure that she would be scolded for not rising to thanks the guests who had come to pay their respects at Helen's funeral. It was a strange thought, that Helen would be the disapproving mother-hen, even in the afterlife. Alice would prefer to think that her mother and father would be busy with their reunion, too busy to notice her poor manners.

But none of that mattered, now.

Alice was alone in the only home she'd ever known…no. Not the only home. London was where she had been raised, yes, but Underland- it was Underland that owned her heart. She had been free there, free to vent her emotions in any way she saw fit, she had found herself there, found a strength and courage she had never known herself capable of...and love. Yes. A strange, simple, warm love for Hatter.

She wanted to escape back to that place; the simple security of the Hatter's house in the woods. To flee from London and the tragedy of her fragmented family, to go back to Underland and lose herself to lovely flavors of tea and soft scones and hats that were like living art. But how to return to that place of magic?

Her family in London was gone, all Alice wanted was to find her way back to her family in Underland. She was tired of the sadness, the grief and the feeling that she was only a visiting outsider to this world. She longed to return to the one place where she had ever felt like herself.

She had slept and she had dreamed and she had wished…and it had all been for nothing.

Alice started at a hand on her shoulder. It was Hamish standing over her, sympathy on his features. "Alice, what are you doing?"

She glanced down at the little doll in her hands and shrugged as she stood to face him. "I was…nothing. My father gave this to me, years ago."

Hamish nodded, clearly seeing that Alice only wanted a pleasant memory to distract her from the painful business of burying her mother. He thought that he might need just such a thing, when the health of his own parents began to fail. "I see. I just wanted to say- Alice, I am deeply sorry for your loss. Your mother was always lovely to me."

Alice glanced to the gravesite to see that many of her mother's grieving friends had begun to disperse. The elder Ascots were there, giving them privacy but clearly sympathetic. Alice could see that Mrs. Ascot's eyes were swollen with tears as she leaned into her husband for support- she had learned on her return that Mrs. Ascot and her mother had grown quite friendly in the months while their children had been away. How sad that Mrs. Ascot should gain a friend and then lose her so quickly.

Alice put her hand over Hamish's. He had become a wonderful man in less than a year. "Thank you, Hamish. I appreciate everything you've done for me."

"It's dark times, now, but I hope to see you smile again, and not while wearing drab mourning gowns."

Alice felt the corners of her mouth quirk slightly. "Someone told me that I'm best suited to shades of blue."

"Yes. Would you like to come out to the house, perhaps? It might be better that you're not alone just now." Hamish suggested lightly. There really wasn't a delicate way for him to express his concern for her. He had known girls who had suffered just such a turn of events, seemingly fine in their behavior, only to learn that they had they had later thrown themselves off bridges in their grief.

He could not let such a fate befall Alice.

Alice raised a brow at him. "Why? Are you worried I might do myself some harm?"

"No, of course not." Hamish lied. "Only that some company might lift your spirits."

The girl shook her head lightly. "Thank you, Hamish, but no. I'd prefer to return to my house even if it is empty now."

Hamish could not press the issue further without upsetting her, and he had no intention of doing such a thing. "Alice, if you need a friend- please do not hesitate to call on me or my family. I mean it, truly."

Alice nodded. "I know you do, Hamish, and I am so thankful to have you in my life."

"Grateful enough to be my wife?" Hamish asked.

"Hamish!" Alice smiled and playfully swatted him on the arm.

"Thank you for that, Alice."

"What are you thanking me for?"

"You've smiled. I can see that you'll be all right."

With everything he had, Hamish hoped that he was right.

______________________________

The carriage ride back to her house passed with a strange quickness. In grief, in sadness and pain, time seemed to change. Things were both slower and faster than they should have been. Alice left the carriage, dully thanking her coachman, and entered the house. It was empty of all life. Her mother had left hefty benefits to the family servants, so much so that many of them had took their leave of the house to go into trade for themselves.

She moved into her room and gazed about with tired, red eyes.

Alice didn't mind that the help had left. She didn't want servants, and if she was doomed to spend the rest of her life in this world, she wasn't even sure that she wanted the house. There were far too many memories here, all of them captured beneath the shroud of grief. Better that she stay with the company that her father built, learning to trade and travelling the world- running from memory and searching for the Hatter in the face of every man she met along the way.

It was pathetic, she knew, but after returning to the garden party that day, she had even seen Hatter in Hamish, with his red hair, patterned bow-tie and penchant for dancing. But those two men were worlds apart, weren't they?

Alice blinked, coming out of her wandering thoughts. She was sure that she'd just heard something just then, a soft mewling.

"Dinah?"

She turned. There seemed to have been a…a ripple, just out of the corner of her eye. Alice blinked, thinking nothing of it. She moved to the corner of her room with rising anticipation and hope. What she'd heard had sounded so familiar, it had to be Dinah, returned to her!

Alice rushed to the sound of her cat, but her toe caught on the edge of her dresser, and suddenly, Alice fell forward into the mirror.

______________________________

Pain lit up the darkness behind her eyes, shards of glass fell all around her, raining down through the air. Alice screamed as she tumbled through space, terrified and confused. All at once, the glass became a wave of ice cold water falling over her, rushing against her body and once again pulling her from everything she'd ever known.

"Ugh." Alice grunted as she landed against the rough earth.

She put a hand to her head and groaned, coughing as her eyes adjusted to the darkness of her surroundings. She blinked the world into clarity.

This time, truly, Alice had returned to Underland.


	25. Chapter 25

Alice looked about herself, taking in the sight of the twisted purple trees, the dragonflies, the gloomy twilight fog misting over the forest floor that mirrored the clouds above, with the smiling moon peeking out from in between the wisps. The scent in the air was familiar; it smelled of earth and flowers, stone and leaf. The ground beneath her feet was covered in moss and thick tree roots. Glancing over, she could make out a footpath. Where it lead, she had no idea, but it was Underland.

To be sure, Alice pinched her arm, and winced.

_I'm back- Hatter, I've come home!_

Her heart lurched with a joy so powerful, she was pained by it. Underland. It had all been real, and the Hatter had not been a crazed dream. She would find him, she would find him. Alice moved onto the footpath and thought for a moment, wondering which direction to take. Though she had spent days in Underland with the madman, he had always been there to lead her through the woods. Alice frowned to herself, recalling that the one time she had taken to the forest herself, she'd become hopelessly lost and had needed the guidance of the Cheshire Cat to find her way again.

 _Chessur isn't here. I'm alone._ Alice swallowed, thinking of her family in London. She steeled herself. _I may be alone for now, but I can find my way back to them. To him. I can, and I will._

Alice took a step to her right, and began to follow the trail.

Strange noises followed the girl as she moved, her very presence igniting gossip among the creatures of the forest. She was not afraid, exactly, but the screeching and hooting was becoming unnerving. Her pulse quickened, she wished for a companion. Alice thought of Hatter, and she wondered how much time had gone by in Underland since she had left. She had been in London for close to a year- but a year could become a few hundred years in this world…and the Hatter…?

She didn't want to think of such a thing, but discouraging thoughts invaded her mind as she walked the path.

_What might have become of him after I left? Has he grown to hate me for what I had to do? Has he found someone else to share his life with?_

Alice didn't know what to think, but she felt that she could not give too much credence to worries that had no ground. She only wanted to see the Hatter- or, to see anyone, really. She was growing tired of following the forest path alone, with nothing but the noise of curious animals as her company.

Alice gasped as something- something entirely too familiar ran past her on the trail.

_Was that-? No, no, it can't be…but this is Underland!_

Feeling foolish, but too curious to stop herself, Alice followed the creature. She might have gone mad in thinking that the animal was…but she had to know for sure.

She ran after it, the creature darting just in front of her. Alice sidestepped a tree and leapt over a fallen log. The creature was running faster now, headed toward a clearing she could make out ahead of them.

The clouds were moving above them, revealing the moon, allowing more silver light to pour over the forest.

The creature stopped in the center of the clearing, and Alice stopped short for her shock.

A cloud of forest mist began to take form between Alice and the creature, quickly revealing the form of the Cheshire Cat.

There he was. The large tomcat of gray and electric blue fur, with the clever eyes and the widest smile Alice had ever seen. There he was. Fierce and alive.

He was baring his teeth and his fur was standing on end, ready to attack.

"You- Chessur!"

She saw recognition flash across his face and a moment later he was smiling with happiness. "Why, Alice, it's you!"

To hear his voice, that remarkable baritone…Alice shivered. He was there on the ground before her, speaking to her, smiling at her. He was so beautiful, and Alice found she could not contain the swell of emotion that erupted from her soul. She went to her knees and swept the cat into her arms, sobbing into his luxuriant fur. "Oh, God, Chessur, you're here, you're here- I knew it was all real, I knew it…"

The cat struggled in her arms as he typically did, perhaps uncomfortable with being cuddled so abruptly. Chessur jumped back to the forest floor and shook himself. "Yes, well…I'm happy to see you too. But, I think another would be better suited to being in your arms."

Chessur moved aside, revealing the creature that Alice had chased through the forest, the creature that Chessur had been ready to protect with his life.

Dinah.

Alice brought a hand to her mouth. Dinah. Her cat from London, the last living gift from her father, her beloved pet who had gone missing after she had left on the voyage. Dinah moved forward quickly, moving into her arms as easily as she had on the first day they had been gifted to each other. Alice held her close to her chest, reveling at the warmth, the reality of Dinah being there with her in Underland.

"Dinah- I thought you had gone, but you've been here all this time? How? How did you…?"

Chessur flicked his tail, all nonchalance. "I'm afraid that was my doing, Alice. I admit I'd grown curious about the Otherworld, so I followed you. I remember you told me of Dinah's charms and I couldn't help myself. I took her."

Alice glanced to Chessur. "You took her? Why?"

The cat gave her an obvious look. "Because I am in my prime and she is a female of breeding age. What other reason would I need? Besides, she didn't object."

Alice kept Dinah in her hold as she stood from the forest floor. "You are eminently practical, Chessur, and any female cat would be a fool to turn you down- handsome cad. I'm glad she's been in good hands all this time." She looked about them. "Chessur, where are we? It's been some time since I was in this forest last."

"That is no small truth, Alice. Things have certainly changed here, but I expect you'll want to go to the palace."

"You read my mind."

"It's just one of my many talents. This way."

And so, once again, Alice found herself following the Cheshire Cat through the woods.

_______________________________

Alice, with Dinah in her arms and Chessur at her side, the trio slipped into the White castle. All was quiet. "The Queen will be sleeping, Alice, but her powers have grown since it's been peaceful. I'm sure she knows that we're here."

She raised her brows at the words of the cat. "I didn't know Lady Mirana had any power."

The cat drifted on the air about her. "We all have a touch of talent, much like the nymphs. The Queen wasn't able to devote much time to her charm with all that unpleasantness from her sister. But it's been near a year since that glorious Frabjous Day, and our Queen has come so far. We all have."

Chessur flew in front of her, his eyes very bright. "But I believe I'm boring you with all this talk of the Queen. I know who you're looking for."

Alice nodded and reached out to scratch Chessur behind the ears.

"The Hatter. Tell me, Chessur, how is he?"

Chessur twisted in the air as Alice followed him through the long corridors with Dinah securely in her arms. "Tarrant is as mad as ever. Quieter, since you left. More morose, and more prone to his usual upsets…but she's been helping him with those."

"The Queen?"

"Who else? You know that Tarrant and Mirana have a long history- it was Mirana who helped him after the Horunvendush Day and all through the war that followed. Or, I should say that they helped each other. You humans make everything so complicated."

Alice didn't know what to think of all that Chessur was saying. Long ago, the nymphs had told her that, when she was young, Mirana had harbored an infatuation for her new hatter, she'd even gone so far as to kiss the man. As far as Alice knew, that had been the beginning and the end of them as anything more than close friends, but what did she know, really? Time had passed in Underland, and Hatter had been so sure that they would never see each other again. Perhaps he had moved on with the Queen of Marmoreal.

She was not sure, and she chose not to let the bored observations of the cat deter her from her course. She had to find Hatter, no matter what she might learn upon meeting with him.

It would be so good to sit with him again, to share another night together in the palace or at Hightopp manor as they had before, sipping tea…those were Alice's favored memories of their time together. If she could have that again, then she would know a happiness that she had never felt in London or anywhere else.

"Alice, did you hear me?"

Alice blinked. Chessur had been speaking to her but she had been too deep in her own thoughts to notice. "I'm sorry, Chessur, what were you saying?"

"Tarrant is in your old room."

"He took my room?"

"Yes. There are occasions when he stays overnight at the palace, and he chose to take over your room. He said it made him feel close to your or some other nonsense."

Alice smiled thinly at the cat's indifference. "Thank you so much for your tender words, Chessur."

"You would prefer that I jump all over you like the bloodhounds? No, that is not a cat's way. But I can confess, Alice, I am glad that you've come back."

Alice set Dinah down on the floor and reached forward to scratch Chessur again, earning a long, drawn-out purr from the tomcat. She kissed the top of his head, ignoring his half-hearted protests. "Er- thank you, Alice. I missed the scratching the most, Dinah has been missing you too."

"Well I'm back now, and I'm not going anywhere." The finality in her words was reassuring, both to her and her talented companion.

"Music to my ears. Now you ought to sing it to Tarrant."

______________________________

Alice ventured into the dark room very carefully. Returning to this place, finding Hatter again, had been nearly the only thing on her mind since she had left Underland. But to see him again…her pulse was thundering in her ears and her body nearly shaking with nerves. How would he react to seeing her again? Alice could only wonder. She steeled herself and crossed the threshold into the room.

Her eyes adjusted to the darkness and she stepped closer to the bed. The sheets and blankets were twisted, but the bed itself was empty.

Alice looked to the balcony and felt her heart drop. Hatter was there in a chair, his back to her, his face raised to the sky. He was not asleep, she could see his hands fidgeting at his sides. He was awake, alive, real.

She put a hand over her heart, worrying that he could hear the pounding in her chest from across the room.

_What do I say? What do I do?_

It was the ultimate irony: the Hatter, the man who had been in her thoughts for months was so near, and yet Alice found herself frozen, rooted to the floor with a fear she didn't know how to address.

Alice blinked.

Hadn't it been the Hatter who'd inspired her to find her _muchness?_ Hadn't he believed in her from the moment he'd laid eyes on her? He'd believed in her when she hadn't believed in herself, he'd opened himself to her and confessed his longing to have her in his life.

And she was too afraid to break the silence because….because of what?

She was Alice, and this man, he was the Mad Hatter of Wonderland- and she had crossed worlds to find her way back to his side.

Alice shook off the shackles of hesitancy and crossed the last few feet that separated them. She stood directly behind him and leaned down, slowly wrapping her arms around his shoulders. The man tensed in her hold, but he did not fight. He did not break her hold. Several moments passed in silence and confusion. But then…recognition, and the spark of hope.

Hatter lifted a hand and put it over her own, accepting her touch.

Oh, to feel him again! His shape, his warmth! To be so close against him, to breath in his scent of tea leaves and clean fabric! Alice could feel her doubts fall away like a melting snow, giving rise to the feelings that she had kept to herself for so long.

Joy. Longing. Love, love, love!

Alice could not stop herself. She kissed his cheek, mirroring the same actions she'd taken on the morning that she'd confronted Hatter with the tragedy of his past.

There was a small gasp from the man and he moved, then. Turning in her hold, he rose to stand and face her, his hands holding hers tightly.

And there he was.

Several inches taller than her, and perhaps a bit thinner than what she remembered. But his colors were just as vibrant as they had always been. The alarming brightness of his eyes, his stark white face and the natural washes of color along his cheekbones, the sides of his nose and above his eyes- and that hair of his, a few inches shorter but just as wild as it had been on the day she'd left.

"Alice, you're back."

Her voice, so full of happiness, of near-disbelief...Alice swallowed, fighting the urge to give in and simply cry against him for the next several hours. She was emotionally exhausted, physically drained- but she had come so far and she couldn't stop now.

"Yes, Hatter. I'm back."

He blinked at her, his hand lifting to brush the backs of his fingers against her soft cheek. _Alice, it's you!_ He could feel his mind reeling at the sight of her, his heart was leaping. This creature before him looked like Alice, sounded so like her. It had to be her; there had never been an Alice in Underland, never before or since _the_ Alice had come from that different world and ended the dark times.

This was the one and only Alice that he held in his arms, Hatter knew it. He could feel it down to his very marrow. Not another dream, this. Not another desperate vision, an imagined Alice returned to him. No, no.

She was there, real and breathing and returned to him. _To him!_

With a cry, Hatter pulled Alice in close to him, hugging her against his chest and glorying in the reality of the moment. They gave in, then. Gave in to tears of joy even as the sky of Underland opened, raining a lake's worth of water upon them.

______________________________

Hours later found Alice and the Hatter back in the large bedchamber, stripped of their soaked clothing and clad in a new set of pajamas for him and his robe for her. They remained close on the sofa, a pot of berry tea on the low center table before them. There had been so few words since the balcony. More, there had been embraces and long silences in which they would simply absorb the sight of each other, perhaps searching for changes that might have occurred during their time apart, perhaps each was simply fascinated with the sight of the other.

Hatter had reclined against the back of the sofa, happy to have Alice leaning against him. He liked her being this close. His mind was buzzing with many questions- how had she returned to Underland? What had happened in the Otherworld? Would she stay? _Would she stay?_ \- but he quieted that part of his mind. Alice was there, in his arms, laying against his chest. Now, he was free to revel in the reality of her presence. Now, he could feel her warmth, take in her scent- no flower oil adorned her this time, Alice simply smelt like Alice.

The room was dark but for the scattering of dim candles across the low table, quiet but for the sound of rain and the occasional crack and rumbling of thunder from outside. Berry tea, at once sweet and tangy, lingered on their lips.

It was this happiness that Hatter had spent so long a time searching for. He had known it but a few times in his life, and each time it had been taken from him. Now Alice was back with him, but he was far from peaceful.

_Will she stay? Will she stay? She must not leave again...Oh, Alice, I want you with me always..._

He wanted Alice in all ways. The flame of heat that had so confused him before was returning, growing stronger, urging him to claim Alice in some way so that she would not wish to wander from him again. Hatter moved on the sofa, moving down to the floor, until he was kneeling before her. Alice looked down at him, smiling, and reached out to spear her fingers into the wild mass of his hair. He had such strange ways.

"Hatter, what are you doing?"

He looked away from Alice's eyes, instead resting his hands over her clad kneecaps. Slowly, he lifted the hem of the robe she'd borrowed from him, setting it back, revealing more of her to him.

Alice swallowed, suddenly unsure of what he would do or what she should be doing- if anything. With Hatter before her, seemingly intent on…on taking a liberty with her body, Alice found herself torn in conflict: one side of her was warring with the other, one side wishing to flee from him while the other was rising with a heat that Alice had only felt once before at the hands of the Hatter.

Hatter unclothed Alice's legs, baring her pale skin to his eyes.

_You came back to me, Alice, just as you promised. You didn't forget me, you didn't forget how happy I can make you…and I'll make sure that you never leave again._

Alice felt her pulse pound, hammer within her chest as Hatter gently parted her legs. Her voice caught in her throat, too unsure of herself to tell him to stop. She could only shiver and watch the man as he touched her, setting her skin aflame with the first hint of desire.

Hatter bent his head low and brushed his lips over the inner cleft of her knees. First the right, then the left.

Without a word, he slid his hands up her slender calves, holding them, and then turned to rest his head on her nearly bare thigh. Alice hated this, that her upbringing in London, with its strict edicts of proper decorum, had left her so pathetically ignorant of men. She wanted more from him, but she had no way to express what she wished to say, what she wished to feel.

But there would be time to learn, she supposed. She was not in London, and there was no reason for her to return there. Underland was her home, now, and Hatter her chosen mate.

She liked touching him. Hatter was hers, and soon, he would make her his. Alice stroked his hair for a moment before she moved to join him, sitting on the floor by his side. Their eyes held, absorbing the sight of the other. They were drowning in the most innocent of loves. Alice leaned forward, hesitant without reason, and kissed Hatter. This was deeper than their first kiss in the garden of the palace; that had been a ghosted brushing of lips brought on by the sorrow of goodbye.

Alice felt it, a thrill of joy rise in her chest coupled with that same elusive heat. Hatter's hands lifted to her face as he kissed her again. They parted in the near-dark for a moment, but Hatter dipped his head, kissed her once more, quickly, then pressed his thumb to the center of her full bottom lip.

A part of him wanted more, more of this, more of Alice; but that part of him was eclipsed by his admittedly little-used common sense. Alice had only just returned to him, he could not have asked for more. There were things that needed doing, and something very important that needed to be said.

"Alice…I love you, you know. Please, don't go again. There's no wonder in Underland for me without you."

His words pierced her, for who had ever given Alice such touching words of love?

She lifted her hands and touched his face, his strange, lovely face. Her fingertip traced the stripes over his cheeks, then lifted to tug on his hair. It took Alice a moment before she could find her voice for him. "I crossed back into this world so I could be with you again, Hatter. I…I love you. I won't leave again, there's nothing for me back in my world. I belong here, with you."

Hatter pulled her to him once more, his heart full to bursting. "Alice, Alice. I will make you so happy, you'll see, I'll-"

Alice silenced him with a kiss. "You already have, Hatter. I've only ever been happy when I'm with you."

"Then why? Why did you leave?"

She shook her head. "There were things I had to do, people I had to say goodbye to."

"Your family."

Alice felt a stab of pain in her chest. Had it only been hours ago that she'd attended her own mother's funeral? She had traveled from the depths of despair to the height of love; she felt that she would soon want a long sleep. The day had proven too much for her. "Yes. My family. My sister left England, Hatter. She moved to America with her husband and their children."

Hatter frowned lightly. "What is…America?"

Alice blinked. She had to remember that this was an entirely different world. "It's another country, very far away from where we were born. And my mother…she died, Hatter."

Hatter watched as the girl quickly dissolved into tears before him; instinctively, he reached for her, holding her there beside him on the floor as she cried. He stroked her hair, though for once he took no pleasure in touching her. It simply wasn't the same when she was so upset. He never wanted to see her tears again.

"Alice, I'm sorry. I know it hurts. I think your mother must have loved you when she died. How could she not? You are so lovely."

"The black dress I was wearing, it was from her funeral. I ended up here right after it was over." Alice shook her head and swiped at her tears. "I don't know how it happened. I heard Dinah…"

"Ah, yes, Chessur's pretty mate."

"…and then I fell through the mirror. It was so strange, Hatter. I was afraid, terrified, really. But then when I realized where I was, I was so happy. So happy, because more than anything, I wanted to see you again."

Hatter kissed her cheek. "I am very happy to be seeing you again, Alice. You're the proper size and you want to stay. Truly, I could not be happier."

"I'm glad, Hatter." Alice put a hand to her mouth and yawned.

He was immediately concerned. "Are you tired, Alice?"

She nodded. "Oh, yes. After all that's happened today, I feel like I could sleep for a year."

He blinked and stood, drawing her to stand with him. "Then you must sleep- and so will I! But what will I dream of, now that you've come back to me?"

Alice kissed his cheek, returning the gesture of comfort. "We can make new dreams."

Hatter lead Alice to the bed and joined her beneath the sheets, rejoicing that she allowed him to hold her against him once more. His arm curled over her waist and his fingers tangled in her hair.

Lovely, lovely.

They laid in silence, breathing, fading into a sleep more content than either had known in years.

_____________________________

Alice awoke in the room alone, or, nearly so. She blinked, smiled, reached to stroke the sleek gray body that had come to rest beside her in the bed. "Dinah, my pretty girl."

"She's _my_ pretty mate, now."

Alice turned at the sight of Chessur appearing on the nightstand. She sat up and tightened the Hatter's robe about her body. No need to give her feline companions a look at her body, after all. "Chessur, you wouldn't be jealous of my past with Dinah, now would you?" Alice asked, teasing him.

He twisted his head at an unnatural angle, but the girl was not phased by the sight in the least. "Just so long as you don't get it into your head to take her back to London with you. We've made big plans, Alice."

The girl stood and moved toward the wardrobe, still talking to him. "Plans? What, a blessed wedding and a house in the country?"

"Something like that. We live with Tarrant and the others at Hightopp manor."

Alice opened the doors to the wardrobe and stared at the dress she'd been wearing as she came through the mirror and back to Underland. Drab gray and black, perhaps the only drab thing in this world. The garment covered her, enveloped her in its melancholy memories. It signified death and mourning…and yet Alice found that she was happier now than she'd ever been.

_Forgive me, mother, father- but I am happy, so happy, now that I've found a place where I belong._

She had returned to the one place where she had ever felt free, courageous and beautiful. She had made friends in this land; bizarre friends they were, animals that could speak with wit and intelligence, humans of such strange shapes and colors, all of them amazing. A man…an insane, talented, gentle, passionate man loved her. Not the wealth of her father's business, not the distinction of the Kingsliegh name- Hatter loved her because she was Alice, and it was wonderful.

London was a closed chapter in her life. It was over. Margaret and Lowell had reconciled and gone to America to start anew. Alice believed that her mother had joined her father in whatever fate awaited the human spirit after death. She would not see her family again, and no one in London could possibly know what had become of her- she will have disappeared without a trace after her mother's funeral.

Alice shook her head lightly. _I regret not telling Hamish goodbye. He'll be worried for me, he'll miss me. He deserved better than being abandoned._

"Who lives at Hightopp manor, Chessur?" Alice asked him. She asked the question more as a way to distract herself from her regrets than anything else.

She closed the doors of the wardrobe, shutting away the last physical remnant of her life in London, and turned her attention to the Cheshire Cat.

He disappeared for a moment, and then reappeared on the bed beside Dinah. "After you left, Tarrant opened the doors to his home. I think he didn't want to be alone. I took Dinah from your world and brought her to live with us at the Hightopp house. There are others there, now, but none have ever been allowed into _your_ room."

"My old room at the house? Hatter kept it for me?"

"Alice, Tarrant hasn't allowed a spec of dust to settle there- he was keeping it for your return. And now you're here. What do you intend to do?"

Alice shrugged at him. The time for deep, life-changing choices was past. All that remained was to follow through with the decisions she'd made that had lead her back to this mysterious place.

"Well, the first thing I'd like to do is find something to wear. I won't wear my mourning gown here, and I can't go about in a borrowed robe."

"Go naked. If we can, why can't you?"

"I think that would be a little too much, Chessur, even for Underland."

"This world has seen stranger things. But, fine. Follow me to the workshop, I'm sure you'll find something there."

______________________________

"She's back, she came back last night! I thought it was a dream and then I touched her and I knew she was real- and we slept in the bed and when I woke up she was still there!"

Mirana lifted her hand to Hatter, signaling him to calm himself. Closest consort to her he was, and her best friend, but she could not take him when he became this way, so excited that his words were lost to the speed of his thoughts.

"Calm yourself, Tarrant. Please."

There was nothing that Hatter could tell his Queen that she did not already know. She knew that Alice had returned to Underland, she knew that Alice had gone to him and she knew that her friend was finally happy once more. Mirana adored him always, but for when he fell into sorrow. He could be melancholy, unpredictable, even dangerous…but one glimpse of Alice had changed him.

_That girl is a Champion in all ways. Thank you, Alice._

The vision in silvered white moved from her throne, approaching him. Mirana lifted her hands and rested them on his shoulders. Her dark eyes took in the joy shining through in his green gaze, and she smiled. "I know Alice has come back to you. I can see the change in you, my love, and I know what you want to do, what you've spoken of for months. Go, ready Alice and ready yourself. I will join you. Go."

Hatter felt the rise of joy in his soul, and such joy pitched him forward, until his lips brushed the snowy white cheek of his beautiful White Queen and the grandest friend he had ever known.

______________________________

"Where are you taking me, Chessur?"

Alice carried Dinah in her arms as she followed the smoky wisps that were the enigmatic cat. Dressed in a confection of a dress, draped in the lightest dusting of blue and gold, Alice found herself again following the Cheshire Cat through the forest.

_Now that I will live here, I must find a map to lead me through these strange woods!_

"I am taking you to the Hatter once more, and hopefully this will be the last time. I grow weary of playing the tourguide."

Alice rolled her eyes. "Oh, yes, I'm sure that you had planned such a busy lay of laying about the palace, and then I showed up and ruined it all!"

"Don't be ridiculous, Alice. I was planning to lay about the manor, not the palace."

"Forgive my presumption."

Alice tried to take note of any familiar turns in the footpath, but it was impossible. She hoped that she would learn to find her own way soon, and said as much just as the trees cleared and Hightopp manor was revealed to them in a clearning.

"Oh, my…"

Gone was the dilapidated, shabby house with the crooked gate and the peeling paint. Hatter had indeed been busy while she was gone. The manor was new again, a grand house of beauty and comfort.

"Chessur, the house-!"

"Yes, well, Tarrant had to do something to kill Time while he waited for you to come back. Come, he's waiting, always waiting for you."

Alice moved forward, setting Dinah on the ground and stepped into the Hatter's home. Well, it would be her home now, too. She smiled to see that it was no longer empty, but full, so full! Books lined the shelves in the walls, there were soft chairs and carpets in the main room, and the air was scented with spices. She put a hand to her chest, thrilled to see that two pictures were hanging above Hatter's fireplace, a place of very high regard. First, the photograph that she had found of his family, then, a photograph of them dancing at the Queen's gala. The Hatter's most cherished memories, captured in paper and glass.

"Chessur, you gave him the picture I found…?"

The cat came to rest on the arm of a chair. "Yes. It seemed the right thing to do. Now, come to the garden, if you please."

What could Alice do? She stepped through the house and ventured into the backyard. The Hightopp garden was restored. The tall trees offered shade from the bright sun. The grass beneath her feet was soft and vibrant green, the air itself was lightly scented with the perfume of a hundred different blossums. A long table was laid out, its surface draped with a crisp white tablecloth, and topped with beautifully mismatched teapots, saucers, cups, plates and platters of pastries and biscuits.

Voices of welcome and joy rose to greet Alice.

Tweedledee and Tweedledum.

Mally the dormouse.

Thackery, the March Hare.

Her trio of nymphs, Randa, Carel and Lrala.

Lady Mirana, the White Queen of all Underland, smiling beautifully, seated beside an empty chair.

And at the head of the table, in all his colorful passion, the Mad Hatter. Her Hatter.

Alice moved forward, her eyes only for him. _Oh, Hatter, you wonderful mad thing!_

Hatter extended his hand to her, glorying as she slid her hand into his. He lead her to the chair at his side, the only place he could ever dream of her sitting, and he turned her palm, planting a small kiss there, then another on the underside of her wrist.

He poured her a cup of cinnamon tea, taking all care not to spill. It wouldn't do to stain the dress he'd made especially for the day when she returned to him. _Lovely Alice, stay with me, always._

Alice kissed his cheek before turning to their kind company, and the mad tea party began.

It would be the first of so many more to come.


End file.
